The Mom Song

This you tube video has been brought to my notice by friends who reacted to my growth chart image.
Its called the mom song and I do believe it summarizes the general experience of mummying...
Look enjoy and remember that I have hardly started (my first born is only one year old).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KMhuAtyFCrw

The subtitles are a big help! It is truly hard to summarize a mothers task in just 2 minutes and 55 seconds.

Jonathan's first year growth chart

If there was one good thing I got off the breast feeding instructor in the hospital in which Jonathan was born, its the idea to compile a growth chart for Jonathan in his first year, using a water bottle!
The idea is to take an object and compare your baby to it once a month - and see how the baby grows. The object I chose was a 1.5 liter water bottle, standard and handy. The result is above - 12 images - 12 growth moments in Jonathan's first year! The first picture was taken on Dec. 4, 2007 when Jonathan was but a week old and the last one was taken on Nov. 29, 2008 a day after Jonathan's first birthday!

Back to the breast feeding instructor, I went to hear a lecture about breast feeding because I wanted to learn how to do it right with my first new born baby - What I got was unfortunately an hour of opinionated content about how formula is bad for you, the baby should sleep with the parents in the same room - starting with the hospital bed and so on...
At the end of the lecture I felt bad because I wanted to rest after my cesarean surgery and left Jonathan in the nursery with the nurses for the night, rather than have him by me...but I also got the great idea of the first year growth chart!

The story goes that 20 years ago when the instructor has her children, and she was breast feeding her baby, she has no reference to a good growth rate. The charts provided then (and probably also now) are based on babies that eat formula (or mixed - mother milk and formula). According to the instructor, babies who breast feed grow in a different rate, basically much slower than formula babies - So as she did not have a good reference chart and she wanted to make sure her baby was growing nicely, she decided to compare the baby to an object (she too chose a bottle) and thus she could see that it was indeed growing - gaining weight and becoming taller.
By the way, the instructor assured us that breast feeding babies eventually they catch up, and according to her breast feeding is not only the best food for your baby but the only option! So no worries.

As Jonathan's first year is now over I felt it was appropriate to show my faithful readers the picture of the bottle chart, I am sure you will excuse a proud mother for showing off!The only two question that remain are: if I will continue this, and if so, at what frequency. (Maybe once a year until the age of 20? then his hand will be almost as large as the bottle...ha ha).

More Great Moments

On December 8th Jonathan walked the distance of his room towards mommy! He even fell in the middle, got up all alone, balanced and walked again to reach mommy!

In fact you probably would be walking a lot more now (you show the tendency towards it and the confidence too, including standing up all alone – not pulling yourself up) if it were not for the fact that it is unfortunately winter and you must wear socks! Thus you tend to slip more, and your “how to walk” learning process is being slowed down by the weather.

Major achievements as your first year comes to a close (more great moments):

November 17th at 17:45 Jonathan really walked for the first time!
Your first 3 steps!

Towards your 1st birthday (don't remember the exact date) you started cooperating to a certain song by putting your hands on your head and clapping (corresponding to the words – clap clap your hands,we will drive to Jerusalem, one two three, hands on your head – it rhymes in Hebrew...) You even ask for the song by repeating its movements in advance.

Clapping your hands is a request that mommy sing something!

You have learned that mommy claps to music, so you play some music on your boom box and then turn clapping towards mommy to make sure she is clapping along with you.

Generally you are more and more frustrated as it becomes obvious that your head works faster than you body, and you can't always get what you want. This also unfortunately means that you whine (your complaint) more often...

Jonathan's Birthday Party

Everything that could go wrong did go wrong! Murphy was working extra hours on the day we decided to celebrate the first year of our first born! Even so, in the end it was a nice party after all...

Yesterday, November 28th, Jonathan was one year old! And today, Saturday November 29th we decided to celebrate by inviting the extended family to a tea party. The day started badly because it turned out that the birthday boy is sick. One of those nasty viruses that simply makes you fall flat on your face! This meant that Jonathan was stuck to me all morning and when not, he was sprawled on the floor, powerless! Not the unusual happy picture of the active little boy! The illness showed its signs yesterday, when he threw up at lunch, but as he was happy and playful after that event, we were hopeful. Saturday, showed us that indeed he did not feel well and our hopes were not answered. The fact that Jonathan required extra mommy love meant I started my preparations for the party late, another thing gone wrong, and yet there was a positive light, as the boy was mostly inactive, I could leave him be, to fall asleep in the living room, and go about my business baking his birthday cake in relative quiet and peace.

The next thing that went wrong was the cake! I wanted to try a baby healthy carrot cake recipe, and ended up with a mushy mixture that refused to bake itself into a cake despite 2.5 hours in the oven! 20 minutes before the guests were supposed to arrive I mixed a new cake and 10 minutes before the official invitation time I pushed it into the oven, relying on the bad habits of my extended family, and their usual lateness...

The second cake seams to bake well and fast, and it was ready in 30 minutes. In an hour I has it covered and decorated, and so only a small portion of my guests knew about the mishap, and they were my close family, so to quote them, they “do not really count” when it comes to etiquette, lucky for me...

The next thing to go wrong was that in my haste to change Jonathan diaper before the party, I undressed him in the living room, without having the required equipment (I.e. a new diaper and some tissues to clean him up...) of course the old diaper was full! Of everything that a diaper can be full of. My husband was called in to help save the day by bringing the required tissues and I held the unsatisfied Jon than with feet in the air until his bottom was finally clean. Then having also discovered that I did not bring diaper, my husband went to fetch it, and until that transpired Jonathan managed to pee on the carpet! Really Murphy was sitting up in heaven and having a laugh at my expense.

I finally got Jonathan diapered and the carpet clean and the new cake prepared and the party went well and people enjoyed themselves! We even managed to light the candles and sing Jonathan happy birthday song without any catastrophes! The boy even seems to feel better, and played about with his two cousins (two baby boys about his age...a few weeks older). Things were finally going my way, so I thought...until I wanted to out Jonathan to sleep and he started screaming! Not just crying! He would not take any medicine to lower his fever, showing me that anything oral was a bad idea... and then he threw up in bed! I should have listened to the boy! I should have followed his advise as he showed me with shaking his head that swallowing anything was not a good thing to do...

Lucky that my husband decided to stay home and not go out for a bear with friends. (He said he felt that is the right thing to do with the boy is sick, and this despite the fact that I urged him to go out and enjoy himself!) And so again, our cooperation was the demonstrated again, with my husband preparing a bath (yes with the kettle, as out hot water also did not function the whole day...did I mention Murphy was doing extra hours today?) and I stripped the boy and comforted him. Once Jonathan was in the bath, my husband was in charge of cleaning him up and I was in charge of making up his bad anew (a bit of improvising was required with blankets covering the walls, because his regular bed wall cover was full of puke and thrown in the washing machine!). Nice and clean he drank a bit of fennel tea and finally went to bed! The great day seamed finally over, but no! Murphy is still having fun with me. I am suffering a nasty nausea as I sit and blog the adventures of the day! Jonathan now just work up again, but its looks like a bot more tea and some farting and coughing will eventually bring him to sleep again...He now provides some background noise, whining in bed as I type.

I will probably have to stay home tomorrow, to my boss's chagrin, and a visit to the doctor is on the “menu” for Jonathan after his performance this weekend! Not the best way to start hos second year and still the party went well, the boy is developing nicely and seams to be happy! We have much to be thankful for, and Murphy...he can go make mischief somewhere else!

According to baby books...

When Jonathan was born, my older sister gave me some first time parents books, and I took to reading one of them rather often. I found the book very helpful, if sometimes naïve (what baby drinks from a glass and can sit to eat with the family before the first year is over...) and sometimes I just think the book is not connected to reality....

The development doctor said Jonathan was a by the book baby, I just do not think I can be a by the book mom.

What I really love about such books is the idea that a mother has to have endless time... combined with a rosy picture of what education should be all about... that is everything should be explained, the baby mus always set the pace and a mother should never raise her voice...They expect you to have time to explain everything to your child, especially when you baby did something wrong you need to start a long lecture and show your little one the way to true correctness. How do they imagine I explain to my boy concepts that he cannot even grasp? They write that the baby does not understand these concepts and then expect me to take time to explain anyway! (What baby can grasp the concept of ownership – well they understand that the world is theirs! Period!) I really think a lecture is not always useful, not to mention that I really do not have time for this SH__T...,Actually, Jonathan also has not time... he is already gone to investigate other things and has long forgotten what he did wrong, or where the sin took place.

When it comes to nutrition I think the book writers really went over the bend, their recommendation:1300 calories per day for a baby! And wait until you see the food lists...
According to the book (WHAT TO EXPECT IN THE FIRST YEAR BY Arlene Eisenberg, Heidy E. Mukoff E., and Sandee E. Hathaway) a baby should consume 4 “portions” of protein, 2 vitamin c portions, 4 calcium portions, 2 portions green or yellow vegetables, 2 portions fruit, 5 portions carbs (the good kind of course) 1 portion iron enriched food and 7 portions fat. Yes I know that you can mix) more than one ingredient n foods, so that the baby does not need to consume the total sum of 27 “portions” (each 25 gr) but still this seams a lot of food! Oh, did I mention that 4-6 cups of liquid must also be drunk a day? With all due respect I think this is really too much. The only explanation I might hazard for the quantities they mention is that the book was originally written in America (people in the USA are on average larger than in Israel, and I mean the healthy ones, not those who are overweight).

After filling three pages with instructions regarding to such portions and healthy nutrition and its importance for your baby from day 1, they write a sentence like “your baby's appetite should lead you” (the baby pace thing again...) and then tell you that if your baby eats/ drinks orange juice, cereal with a banana, pumpkin cake, milk, melon, pancakes, bread with cheese and apple juice (what baby giant consumed all that in one day?), you can be sure he has consumed the correct amount of portions and if he drinks enough water and get vitamin additives you are all set. Well all I can say to that is that my older sisters children have helped her discover that ice cream is food! (you know, milk has protein in it, ice cream has fat and sugar - i.e. carbs in it...so the three building blocks of nutrition are all to be found in ice cream...).

Another issue the book mentions is entertainment. A baby that sees only his/her home and the supermarket is bound to be a bored child, they say. The recommend museums and galleries! As great crawling spaces and assure you that the baby will enjoy the paintings! At first they recommend that you take your child with you on errands, that the supermarket I an adventure for a 3 months baby (and practical for mommy), but when the same baby is one year old the supermarket is no longer enough! Thank god they still recommend the mall! Suggesting that window shopping is still interesting enough, and there is space for walking practice. I have been looking for a winter solution – in summer I always took Jonathan with me on short trips to the supermarket and the mall and took care of errands in his company, but the colder days are approaching and I will need some in house entertainment for him to liven up his routine, like the book says, babies need verity. I found a playing place for him and I hope to pop over there once a week with him.

Still, when I watch Jonathan in play I learn that a simple nylon bag can afford him hours of entertainment, not to mention a spoon! Or my house keys! When one sees the simple means which he so enjoys, one really can relax and stop thinking of spending endless amounts of money. I admit that a few weeks back he seams bored with his play things, and I replaced some of them to make his toy arsenal more suitable for a baby his age, and now all is well. All I am saying is that one must not go too far! The book authors just wants the ideal situation for your child and they tend to recommend the extra. Sometimes this extra bot makes me feel guilty...but then I look at Jonathan, see that he is happy and the guilt flies out the window.

I guess one had to take the recommendations of this book, like many other things in life, in the right proportion. After all I can only be the best mom that I can be! Give to the best of my ability. And I think that's not too bad...All in all, I think Jonathan has a pretty cool mom! And looking at his smile when he comes to hug me and get a dose of mommy pampering in between his continuous “explore the house” tours I think he would agree.

Jonathan in the toy drawer


Just like his mommy...

First Steps

I was discussing Jonathan's early progress and history with chair walking with his kindergarten teacher, who said his first steps are a short time away, and she was right! On the very day of the above mentioned discussion, on November 17th at 17:45 Jonathan really walked for the first time!

The development doctor said Jonathan was “110% by the book”, but I read some baby books an sometimes I think he is “the book in the opposite direction”. For example, he seams happy enough to come to the kindergarten and shows no disinclination to be separated from his mommy in the mornings, but when I come to pick him up in the afternoon he truly complains about having to leave and go home! My concern is that as he sees more of the kindergarten teachers than he does of me (most of his at home hours are spent in sleep...at night) he is actually indeed suffering the first signs of the separation fear that babies go through between the age of 12 to 16 months (as mentioned in the book), but that his main contact person is not his mommy, but his care taker. If this is the case, then Jonathan is by the book alright! Only that the book's assumption that mom is the most important person is his life is just mistaken.

And yet as I write these words, Jonathan is constantly claiming my attention to himself, and I must stop! Suddenly I am important again and he is behaving by the book, seeking to share in my activity – but not really letting me get on with it!

He also seems to have a developed a keen social sense. Although one cannot expect babies Jonathan's age to play with one another, his kindergarten teacher says he is a member of a constant trio – I have also seen him at play with these two other children, and although they are not truly playing with each other, it is clear that they know the others are there, they react to one another , chase each other about the room and clearly enjoy the company! Jonathan has shown his social sense also in the repeated wish to share food! When I or my husband are eating, he will come to claim his share in the activity/ plate! He does not seem to be shocked when there are lots of people around and he repeated the “feed me” action in a family birthday party, choosing to share my older sister's food (no wonder, she was eating delicious spaghetti bolonese).

He is growing so fast! Who can believe that he has tripped his weight in the last year? (from 3.3 Kg to 10!) Who can believe that the first year is almost over? Only yesterday I was writing an email to a friend in the UK that he already needs to be followed around the house because he is crawling well and pushing chairs to his hearts content (only to be found nibbling on toilet paper in the loo...or sitting inside his toy drawer, playing with its contents quietly – just like his mommy did when she was his age) as a response to her concern regarding having to watch over a walking baby. After all Jonathan's first birthday is fast approaching! Jonathan is showing progress in the fact that he already stands alone and has recently also taken to walking holding an adults hands too. Only this afternoon Jonathan's kindergarten teacher mentioned that his first steps are a matter of a short time, since he controls the action of walking so well when dragging a chair about. She said it must come soon because to the walking control one can add the fact that he already stands so well! The woman has the talent of prophecy...I say this because today it happened! It was short, but still it was the real thing! This evening Jonathan walked 3 steps all alone! Yeppee!

And as I write these words, he is doing it again! 2 steps this time...

An Apology

By the way, I owe my husband a small apology for the blog last week! Although I stand behind my words, and still wish that he spend more time with Jonathan (and also wish that he were less on the computer on Saturdays and more with his son) I did not play fair and did not mention that every day, when he gets our of work, he first calls me to find out if Jonathan is still awake, before starting his way home. This way, if Johnathan is still up, my husbands hurries home to see him just in time. For lacking to mention this fact I apologize to my husband from the pages of this blog! It really is so cute when he calls so regularly...by now I can answer hs question even before he asks it...

Getting used to...

There is always something new to get used to when one has children. If at first When Jonathan was born I had to get used to being a mom for the first time, including sleepless nights and the thought that someone is totally dependent on me, now when he is almost one year old I have to get used to the noise from electronic toys and boom boxes, the fact that teething babies tend to drool a lot, and crumbs in every place and especially when he eats!

Jonathan is growing two new teeth, this time up in front. This will make the total of his teeth rise to...4! Although he has only four teeth, he books say a baby his age should chew their food. Its only really soft things, but still Jonathan chews with his gums rather well. And so, like the good mom I try to be, I have begun to include in his dinner (the only meal he gets at home, the rest are eaten in the day care center) diced tomatoes, scrambled eggs and bread cubes. The idea is he can take the small pieces of food in his own hands and stuff them into his mouth, chew and swallow – in other words, he can eat by himself! I combine the dices food still with ground meat and cooked veggies, to make sure his menu is still wholesome, besides he refuses to eat the ground paste without something to keep his hands busy, I mean if he has nothing in his hands (like diced food) he will try to grab the full spoon I am serving, and I just cant take the mess that that will make! The |give him an empty spoon to play with when you fed him from another spoon” trick no longer works, he just grew out of that one...
I think I can congratulate myself on coping well with the mess that diced food makes. After all its not too bad cleaning it, because one can pick it up! I still refuse to give Jonathan a spoon to feed himself, as I cannot even begin to imagine the mess that it will make!

The food mess is usually pretty focused to the area of his chair, but on occasion he gets a biscuit or a piece of bread to nibble (finger foods) and then he crawls all over the house with it, naturally leaving tracks! I hate that, but my comfort is that we have a cleaning woman once every two weeks, and I can hope she will be able to find the remains of biscuits behind furniture and such...

I think of myself as a relatively clean person, and I like it when things are in order. Therefore it is not easy to learn to lie with a baby at all! My husband (I think like all men) has given me some practice in tidying us after someone else, as had my little brother when we were all living with our parents, but still a baby is just a lot more work and more to tidy up.

I keep the mess under control by keeping the quantity of his things limited. That is, I just replaced Jonathan's baby toys (rattles and shakers) with toys more suitable for his age, rings on a stick, cubes and the one expensive toy he now owns – the boom box! (a toy that makes noises and plays music and has nice lights go on when Jonathan presses various buttons- action, reaction concept). The toys that fit a smaller baby have been either returned to my elder sister, where they came from, or packed up in a high closet. The amount of toys that Jonathan can get to, whether in the living room in his red basin, or in his bedroom in two large drawers is limited and they are easy to stow – tiding up is just dumping them all back in the drawers and basin. Lucky me, Jonathan seams to enjoy the concept of taking things out of their place, but also of returning them. He can sit next to the red basin in the living room, or stand next to a drawer just taking things out and putting them back again. This gives me hope, it looks like a good basis for me to teach him to tidy up after himself. Usually tidy up after he goes to bed at night, braving out the mess and scattered toys all day, but I let him see me return books onto a shelf, so he can get the idea of tidying up.

Another thing I need to get used to is that he is growing! Growing means that he is changing, not only in size but in other behavior. Lately he seems to fall asleep less lightly, and he needs not only a bottle but also my increased presence. I still try to get him to sleep in bed and not on my arms, because I think its a bad habit and he is also getting heavy! His growing also means changing all his clothes, especially now that there is a season change. My elder sister and I have just traded clothes again, me returning small and summer outfits and she giving me larger winter ones. Thank God she has a large house and can stash all this baby stuff! The stroller we brought, in the hope it will support us until Jonathan walks is also, regretfully proving too small, and we have to get used to the idea of buying a new one. Luckily his birthday is coming up and we will be able to finance this as a gift from my parents. We will still have to finance the new car seat though...

another anecdote on growing... Jonathan is a rather tall baby (even statistically) and its kind of nice to see that he is taller than his cousin, who is a boy 6 weeks older than Jonathan. Considering the height of the two fathers, it is not surprising that Jonathan is taller...

As Jonathan wails near me, complaining that his daddy will not let him grab onto an empty yogurt cup, I admit I also have to get used to Jonathan advertising his lack of satisfaction in the form of wails and cries. I know this is his way of talking at this stage, but it still can be annoying sometimes.

As his first year is coming to an end, I have to admit I also gt used to writing this blog! But this was intended as a one year project, so I have to start thinking about it's future too...

The Development Doctor

The Development Doctor

Just as predicted, Jonathan is a healthy boy, growing and developing well. The doctor said he is really a “by the book” baby and she gave him the “grade” 10.5 out of 10! Now that\s talent!

As I paid for Jonathan's health care in advance for 5 years, I might as well make the most of the services offered at the children's station near our home (the system is Israel is that one has a general health insurance paid from one's wages – Jonathan is ensured through me, his mom, but one also pays for extra standard services a reduced price, and so I have paid the proud sum of 531 NIS (about 100Euros) for the service of having Jonathan monitored including all required shots for the first five years of his life).

A baby is supposed to visit the “development doctor” at the age of 3 months, nine months and 1.5 years (at least that is what I know so far...no idea about later visits). More visits are possible if required sue to some problem, and the service is included in the price already mentioned above. The development doctor is a children's doctor who specializes in development. We came to see the doctor when Jonathan was 3 months old and she was worried about his strength, because he could then still not hold his head up so well, she sent Jonathan to a physiotherapist. By the time we got the appointment to the physiotherapist a month later, Jonathan could not only hold his head up high but he was rolling to both sides freely and proved in general to be a rather early bird when it comes to baby movement... Since we could not get an appointment for 9 months, we finally visited the doctor again yesterday. The visit includes a physical check for Jonathan and questions about him for mom. The doctor makes a check list of his development and ability and sees if it fits the current norm. In other words, Jonathan's abilities should be more of less what the scientist think today that babies his age can do.

So,what can he do? Does he sit properly? This the doc could see for herself, because he was sitting on the play rug in her room turning our the toys (and feeling quite at home, I might add) Can he sit up from lying down, yes! Can he stand, well not quite...he can while still leaning with one hand on a wall, a chair or on mom, he even lets go by now for a few seconds when he “forgets himself”but he grabs back for support very quickly. He drags and pushes chairs about! Even pulling and walking backwards in the process of navigation (while waiting for the doctor he was walking all over the clinic and driving the secretary crazy because of the noise the chair he was pushing about made). He gave the doctor a short demonstration with a chair in her room. Does he talk? i.e. gibberish and making all kinds of sounds! Oh Yes (he is very capable of complaining bitterly if something is not to his liking...like when his heavy mom is sitting on a chair he want to push!) Does he recognize him mom (yep!) his dad (yep!) grandmas? (yep! - he sees only his Israeli grandma regularly, the other one is in Germany) is he happy to see people he knows? Oh yes! The doctor said he was string and healthy (“great Tonus” were her exact words) and as already mentioned, Jonathan is by the book! His sight, weight and height are all OK! (I got all three checkups – nurse regular follow up, development doctor and the sight check for 1 year olds, all in one day! Now we have it easy for 6 months!)

Well, that's good news, but a competitive mom may wonder why he is by the book and not beating it! After all he was an early starter! I did not need the doctor to tell me he was no longer advanced, I could see that his cousin was catching up with Jonathan. I might want to make the most of this and worry about it (as competitive moms tend to so) but as I also understand the deep workings of a lazy and convenient mind I have already got an answer to Jonathan slower advancement, its all about motivation. Convenience is the drive! As long as he is comfortable where he is now, he will no develop further... Comfort is combined with strength, understanding and curiosity with babies. For now he has developed exactly to the level that his strength, understanding and curiosity have driven him. I elaborated on this theory of mine in the last blog though, so I will not repeat myself. A competitive mother however must have something to complain about, so here it is!
I wish that my husband would spend more time with the boy when they are together. I know the working hours of my husband (10-19) do not make it easy but I would wish the in weekday mornings my husband would play more with Jonathan and not just take him directly to kindergarten (at least now my husband gets up! He no longer prefers sleep over his son... certainly a step in the right direction!). I would also wish that the half hour evenings that they have together also be spent in play! I am sure my husband means well when he calls his mom in Germany (the German grandma) so that she can also hear Jonathan's chatter, but then the conversation takes my husbands attention form the boy and oops, its bedtime for Jonathan and his dad/son evening time gets lost! On weekends my husband prefers a mix of surfing on the web, the wish to see friends and go to the market in Tel-Aviv.

I know that my husband has very little free time (just like me) and that he is tired (just like me) and that also has the need to do some grown up things in this time (I have long given up on that for now, and I guess my husband is right when he says this choice is my mistake) , but I still would wish that he spend more time with Jonathan on the weekend! After all they have really little time available to them!
I can only hope that when Jonathan is a bit older, he and his father will have more fun together (after all a little boy is more interesting to play with and one can also allow the boy to take part in activities like going to the market...).

In general I know I must be quite content! Jonathan is a healthy baby and most important a happy one!
I should have nothing more to with for, except that he continues to be so!

Here are Jonathan's Growth and Weight Details:
He is 70% in height (tall) and 50% (average) in weight.
Date Height-cm Weight-kg Head Circumference-cm
28/11/2007 3.38
03/12/07 3.2
11/12/07 53 3.76 37.2
30/12/07 55.5 4.58 38.8
03/02/08 58 5.76 41
21/4/08 66.5 7.36 44
29/6/08 69.5 8.9 45.5
30/10/08 76 10 47.1

Motivation toward Development

Jonathan is the ultimate proof that satisfaction encourages stagnation. As long as he is satisfied walking pushing a chair and standing while leaning on a shelf (or mommy's legs) he will not learn to truly walk or stand. Further development is clearly a matter of motivation to achieve.

At almost 11 months of age Jonathan has finally clapped his hands! Until now, despite repeated demonstration on my part, with encouraging smiles, he has shown no interest in performing this feat! Now for some reason he has picked it up (probably following another child from his kindergarten), but still not with the same wholeheartedness as his second cousin, who claps really loudly and thus extorts the cheering smiles of his parents (my cousin and his wife) and any other adult who happens to be about – including me. I admit that as a mother I was a bot frustrated that Jonathan did not clap his hands before his little cousin...after all he rolled onto his stomach and stood up first! And so I am once again being taught by my son that babies are efficient beings, if there is nothing to be had from a certain endeavor, then why bother? And I guess clapping was somehow not of interest (even though my smiles and cheers were to be had...) until now.

Although he clearly loves music, he is not interested in children's song I sing with movements and clapping, and does not copy these movements in any way. Also I think he likes to create music (or noise) rather than just hearing it. The book combined with a piano I go for him at the supermarket for a bargain price has suddenly dies out! So now I haver to find a new music creating toy! As long as the book worked, and Jonathan could cause it to play songs by pressing its keys, it was most definitely his favorite toy!

Jonathan's walking while pushing a chair is becoming more steady and determined. He is also learning to navigate, and can turn corners with the chair, pushing merrily and complaining bitterly when the chair will not continue forward, like when it is blocked by the carpet. He can get to any corner in the house either with the chair or by crawling and thus shows no interest in more independent methods of movement, like walking holding both mommy's hands, not to mention walking quite alone. I know it is also a matter of strength (he still needs to lean on something to stand – although he now can let go for a millisecond before landing on his bottom...), he must grow strong enough to walk on two feet, still I think motivation had to do with the speed of his development. As long as he is happy to move about as he now does, he will simply not bother to take the next step...literally!

Despite the fact that his cousin has caught up with him and even surpasses Jonathan in some of the baby achievements that the books discuss as development stages there is not reason to worry about Jonathan's development. He seems to be a healthy and happy baby with endless curiosity and who (just like his dad) loves to communicate with people. He is always flirting with old ladies in the street when we take a stroll, reaching out to them and smiling! And they love it! Cooing to him they complement me on how cute he is. Who am I to argue with that... I always tell them that I know it is so! When we are “driving” in the stroller (or in the car too) he is sitting up straight and looking about him, taking it all in! In the bathtub he chases the transparent water, clearly following its flow, and when we spin together on a chair in the living groom he enjoys the sensation and I can clearly see his pupils moving as he follows the objects around him from the spin. He turns his head always in the right direction in reaction to sudden sounds or music and he is always chatting merrily, even mumbling first syllables in relation to mom, dad and food!

Next week we have an appointment at the “Development Doctor” (Jonathan was supposed to be inspected at the age of 9 months, but we could not get an appointment) and it will be interesting to hear the analysis, although I am sure she will only repeat what I have just written. Jonathan is displaying acute sharpness...when it suits him, of course. As already said, motivation is the key...

Various Delays

Sometimes the thought hits you sometime after something else does ... a DELAYED conclusion is the result.
And one needs a talent to sing in a choir so early. I think the kind of singing, when one repeats the phrase of the other in a short DELAY is called a cannone, no?
DELAYED proof is sometimes needed to make a humorous anecdote into a true story.
Read all about these DELAYS in the following blog entry.


Jonathan likes to toss things, just like any baby his age (10.5 months) and his motoric movements are not optimal or 100% controlled, he also does not really understand his true strength (neither do I...amazing how strong babies can be...) and so today, he flung a wooden stick so that it hit him on the head. In his frenzy to keep tossing things, he did not stop to cry after being hit by the stick but rather continued to look for the next toy to toss, and then in mid action he stopped short, screwed his face , as if about to cry and then scratched his head where previously the stick had hit him, obviously hurt, but not understanding why... a classic delay in thought and registration. The kind of stuff that makes sitcoms (situation comedy, if anyone was curious...) right up there with slipping on a banana I think.

Tonight, as we put Jonathan to bed he was not too happy about it and was complaining rather vocally for a while (until he got too tired and gave up, falling asleep). The funny thing was that at exactly the same time an equally unsatisfied child was climbing up the stairs in our apartment house and wailing as well. Jonathan's room is close to the wall that separates our apartment from the public stair case, and hence the effect that I heard from the living room was a wailing duet! Anyway, Jonathan and the boy (one of the neighbors...but I do not know which) were answering each others calls, and it was almost like a conversation in which one complains and the others join in to strengthen and support the bad opinion being expressed. Truly a master piece. Probably the other boy did not want to go to sleep either...

A third delayed occurrence, almost like a cannone song, shows itself in the following little anecdote.
The ladies at the day care center love to complain about Jonathan's activity, after all when the boy is loose, he is everywhere and nothing remains in place. He leaves a trail of havoc, just like a hurricane. The last story they supplied was that one of the day care center ladies was sitting with one of the mothers and they watched the children in play. Jonathan was on the move , as always, and the care taker was always trying to prevent him from making a mess. And so she found herself always repeating his name with the word “don't!”. Jonathan, don't pull the hair of child X (he is 10.5 months old how can he know he is pulling? He is just being friendly) , don't bite child Y (he likes to shove everything in his mouth – like all babies his age - people are no exception, and he had two teeth, how can a bite be prevented? He is not being mean, he just doesn't know better) Jonathan don't toss the toys from the drawers, Jonathan don't topple the drawers over your head...and so on...

After a while the care taker went to the toilet, leaving the children with the mother who was sitting there. From the toilet she could hear that the mother had taken over the role of instructing Jonathan as to what he should not do, even if her style was different...she liked to ask questions rather than scold. And so sitting on the toilet the care taker could hear the following monologue “ Jonathan, why do you pull child Z's hair, it hurts her you know...Jonathan why do you bite child C, you really should not bite him, Jonathan why do you toss the toys over there, you could put them back in the drawers, they are still standing you know...” and so on.

Two days after hearing this story I was sitting on the toilet in my parents house and my mother was looking after Jonathan and sitting with him in a near by room. And then I heard it! “Jonathan, don't! Jonathan you cannot pull the DVD off the TV table! Jonathan! don't toss the DVD cassettes! Jonathan! No!The books belong on the shelf! And so Jonathan landed in his pen, where he could play freely and my mother could rest and bask in the fact that her house was still standing, and I could finish my business in peace....

An Anecdote:

By the way, recently Jonathan has taken to turning out our DVD shelves. Until now he avoided the precious collection. He got his hand on some historical DVD's and even opened some of the boxes, scratching a particular DVD mercilessly on our floor. Turned out the scratched DVD was that of a BBC series of lives of great men! The DVD Jonathan presumably ruined was that reporting about the life of Jesus! We played the DVD to see what had remained of it, and short of two small hiccups the film played without a flaw, almost miraculously I'd say...now can it be connected the Jesus? My husband , as a protestant, likes to think that just might be the case...anyway, its nice to know Jonathan is not as harmful to DVD;s as one might think... still he is forbidden from approaching the DVD shelves again!

By the way, he has his own special CD to play with now (as in ruin and scratch to his hearts content!)

Thinking Baby II

Even when in the bathtub, Wet through and through, Jonathan presents his new thinking abilities...

When he was really little, Jonathan did not like the water at all. It was clear that the baby just did not enjoy his bath (maybe because it was cold winter then) , and so it became a short routine for us. As he grew bigger, and combined with the fact that it was the warm summer months, I decided to give the bath tub a second chance, and Jonathan seemed to agree. In the large tub (he already our grew the baby tub ) he seemed to like the water, splashing around and watching different items such as shampoo bottles and soap float with fascination and growing interest, trying sometimes to catch them too...

I guess the only part he does not like is being washed! Our bathing ceremony includes his nails cleaned with a brush, his two cute teeth being brushed with a special baby toothbrush (no harm in getting him used to the concept early, even if it is not really efficient) and getting his head and private parts soaped and washed! He protests against any form of brush and tolerates water flowing over his head only for a short while, otherwise trying to flee the flow by standing up and moving about, signaling also that he has had enough by lifting his arm to say that he wants to leave the bath. So I get the washing part done quickly at the end of the bath, after he has had the opportunity to play for a while with a dry head (to avoid his catching cold).

And so, sitting in the warm water with several brushes serving as bath time toys, the boy just loves it!
Already when I fill the tub he is thrilled to stand near it, trying to catch the flowing water. Happily looking forward to being put inside and showing his glee in a wide smile, even a cute laugh.

Recently he added two more skills to our bath time arsenal:
1 – Jonathan tries to hold flowing water, I fill a cup and pour the liquid and the boy tries to catch it, grabbing into the flow and being only too disappointed when it all flows through his fingers. Yet not such as Jonathan will simply give up! And so he tries again when I again pour the water.
2 – he followed the water as I empty the tub, once again trying to catch it and stop it from going down the drain. It is fascinating to see how he can follow the motion of the transparent fluid and clearly tries to intercept it on tis way down the drain...

Today he added a new display that truly shows he is indeed a thinking baby. For some time Jonathan has watched me empty the tub, and he knows only to well what the cork looks like. Today, instead of chasing the running water down the drain, he simply picked the cork and tried to close the hole! He could not get it quite right, but I am sure he will soon. Thinking baby or what?!

Thinking Baby

Jonathan is showing signs of true thought! Developing new skills all the time! He is ten months old and truly developing into a little person. He has clear wishes and protests loudly when they are not fulfilled. He is also turning into glue – that is becoming inseparable from his mommy...

Ever since Jonathan was sick last week, and thus permitted to spend the ENTIRE! day on mommy, he has been regularly coming back for more! I guess I can relate, I would love to able to cuddle into something soft, warm and large, but those days are over for me! I am an adult now! It can sometimes be a bit of a nuisance, hell, I can't leave the room anymore without hearing his crying protest following me! For the first time I can understand why my mother always protested that I was like glue! As a little child, I loved to hang onto her handbag when we were walking somewhere and it drove her nuts!

It's a mixed feeling though, after all Jonathan is still so small and so cuddly that its nice when he comes to me for a hug, and yet he pulls so when I try to get up, and carrying him about with me is not always an option. Sometimes he really gets it on and cries whole heartedly as soon as I am out of his sight! It can really put the strain on a mother! After all,hearing him cry can break my heart...still, life must go on and I continue with whatever I am doing despite Jonathan's protests, I do call to him to let him know I am still near by (that is if I did not leave the house). And he follows my voice!

My mother says that when she was babysitting him two weeks ago, he was crawling all over the house, as if looking for me. Even if he is crying his heart out he crawls slowly in the direction of the kitchen (usually where I come from when I disappear...) The crying may slow his motion, but it does not slow his wits. He is clearly thinking when he crawls towards the direction in which I had gone, knowing help will come from that same direction. Sometimes following my voice is a game. He comes near and takes peak at me, as if playing hide and seek. Then he goes back a bit and returns to take another peak...did I say a game? Did I say thinking baby? I think this peaking game is proof enough!

Want some more proof that his thought is developing? He has been pushing chairs about and walking after them for about a month now, but he always got stuck, having pushed the chair into another one, or into a table or up to the carpet, there are many obstacles in our house. Now he just turns around pushing the chair and trying to see in which direction it would move again. Once he has found that direction, he just starts pushing and walking again, happy as can be! This exercise of turning around the chair and fixing the problem of its not moving is definitely a new development! He has also become sure of his actions when trying to get of a high chair or our bed. We only had to show him twice that he needs to go down backwards, now he is doing this almost as second nature and his actions are growing more confident every day! My sister also reports he can push a slide door open, but I have not yet seen this.

Another new trait is returning his toys into the red basin in which they are kept. He likes to throw them all out and then return some of them back to their place, to only throw them out again! He also has discovered the two large drawers in his room, which contain more toys. So now he has the full variety – not only two locations of toys but the choice of the entire inventory we have. Yesterday we played with a box full of cubes. I had to empty it for him , but then he gladly returned the cubes into the box.

He is also eating small pieces of soft foods like banana and tomato (saying “mumum” when indicating that he likes the food! Or is he calling to his mum? I do not know that yet for sure). He loves to munch on a piece of bread, especially with the crust. When a piece is too large he will usually spit it out and sometimes he coughs them out, I rarely need to assist him. He seems to be coping well enough with the experience of eating and taking action if something is wrong! My thinking baby! He grows so fast!

Really Sick

Each time I have doubts that there is something I do not know because I am a parent to my first child, Jonathan teaches me what it is I need to know! (Like what is the difference between normal baby burping up milk and throwing up - milk flying a meter away in a curve is an indication that something is wrong!...a lesson I learned when he was two months old.) This time he showed me what a really sick boy looks like!

In the last month he has been suffering a rather stubborn cold with coughing and a running nose, but all the time he has been still his happy self! Even when he has fever, he still is in a good mood and he always eats well. The last week he has had fever and in the evenings he began to me more whiny, and I was getting worried. Still taking him to the doctor to be told its just a virus seems wasting everyones time. A good friend who is a nurse also told me there was indeed a fever virus about... But this last Saturday he got a nasty virus that caused him to throw up and he was poorly all day! My usually active and happy boy became passive and simply wanted to lean on mummy and sleep all day!

This sudden change in his behavior got me really scared and we went to an emergency clinic to have him checked. His blood count was taken to check for reaction to viruses or rather to make sure his body was coping – and urine was checked to make sure he was not dehydrating. Both tests were good and so we were sent home!

We kept shoving a bottle into his mouth and coaxed him to drink baby milk and tea (there was no thinking about solid food in his condition), but he threw up three times! Still we managed to get him to drink and thus to prevent dehydration and the need to return to the clinic. He got a bath three times and we had three washing machines...but it was all we could do!

As he laid against me, I held him with divided feelings. On the one hand it was just great having him so close to me all day! Cuddly! He slept so soundly on my breast (you gotta give it to the boy, he knows from the start where the good things in life are...) and it was a comfort to know that my presence soothes him. My husband said the sight of Jonathan sleeping leaning on my chest was one of the beautifulest things he had ever seen!On the other hand, it was is clear that he was so unwell and so it broke my heart! There was however nothing to do but wait it out!

The most amazing part is how resilient kids are! In the evening he was already showing signs of improvement by a willingness to toss the toys I offered to him away in anger (still some reaction is better than the child lying passively on my chest all day!). On Sunday morning, after a good night's sleep the boy was as good as new! Active, playing and eating as if the “Saturday of scaring mom” had never happened!

It is Tuesday now and the boy is right as rain! However, I think he remembers Saturday and that I had allowed him to cuddle, because in the evenings when he is tired and hence cranky, he has taken to climbing all over me in the last days. Oh, he has climbed on me before, but the intensity seems to be stronger now! He is more clingy, especially when he is tired! Today he showed me that he wanted to drink his bottle of milk held in my arms! (Normally he likes his space...) He whines when I leave the room he is in, or even when I walk away from him in the same room, and today he followed me and twice when doing so he mumbled “Imme”. It is almost as if he knows that the Hebrew word for mommy is IMMA. I cannot be sure that “Imme” was meant for me, but he did it twice this evening and in a situation in which he was following me and obviously asking for my attention (I.e. a hug- he wants to be taken up in my arms and be carried about). It really looked like he meant it! Yohoo! It makes my heart melt! Just thinking of it! My little boy calling out to me! Wonderful!

He has also been saying “Abba” on occasion (the Hebrew word for daddy) but in this case I still do not think he really is referring to his father just yet...amazing though, his sound arsenal is growing every day!

He is pushing chairs and walking after them, leaning on them as he goes, and he “surfs” around our living room table (walking and leaning on it, sometimes pushing it forward to walk! So strong!). He is everywhere! Up and about! turning out the house and especially plastic bags is is newest hobby! And he is practicing drinking out of a cup when he is in the bath! He takes his bath in the big tub now, sitting in it! He also can put bowls into each other (he got this toy made of ten bowls of different colors and sizes that fit into each other like a babushka, a gift from his god mother – one of them... he has three god mothers and a godfather, not to mention parents, twp pairs of grandparents and 4 uncles and aunts...) He even can return magnets to their place on our magnetic fridge door!

The boy is almost 10 months old and is growing and making new achievements every day – so it is easy to believe that he really is calling out for his mommy, and if not today, then soon enough! Soon he will talk for real! And then, so the good old souls say, we will wish that he shut up! Ha ha. Until then, my biggest wish is that he stay healthy! With the summer coming to a close and winter in the kindergarten approaching, this is really a big wish!

Doctors and the Panicking (?) Mom

My husband says that Jonathan and I can open an office next to the doctor. In other words, he thinks I overreact and take Jonathan to the doctor way to often. My husband says I have a subscription to the doctor. Just like one has a subscription to a magazine, or a football club. In other words, according to the man I live with, my hobby is taking Jonathan to see the doctor...

But is it? I hope not! And yet, my husband has a point, we are frequent visitors to the clinic. Jonathan has seen a child doctor many times but also an ear expert and a skin specialist in his short life. Not to mention the visit to the emergency room when he was just one month old (the only excuse I have is being a new mom and Jonathan's high fever – and the instructions common in Israel at this infant stage to bring kids to emergency when they have high fever)) and the X-ray clinic (more details later on that one). I believe parents are often feeling hopeless, because their baby is sick and when they go to the doctor all that the doctor says is “well, he is just too little to give him anything, so basically there is nothing we can do” As this is more or less that case each time we go to the doctor, I guess I can understand why my husband thinks its a waste of time to go. Not to mention that you can catch something from the other (really) sick children who frequent the clinic. And yet, I prefer to have the “its OK” stamp of approval from the medical doctor. Does that mean I am a panicking mom? (oh I hope not! I really do not want to be the panicking mom) but I prefer that a professional take a look at Jonathan now and then.

Jonathan has been having a cold and a runny nose more or less since the day he was born with virtually no pauses. Once he could hardly breath in bed at night! As he also developed a fever, I insisted the next day on taking him not only to the children's doctor but to a clinic to have him thoroughly checked (including lung X-ray) just to make sure there is no infection! After all the repeated doctor visits and being told there is nothing to do but give him salt drops and having to watch him only getting worse, I simply had enough! Feeling so hopeless can do that to a mother. The boy couldn't breath dammit! So he had an X-ray and some blood tests and they found no infection. So he continued to have a runny nose, I was no longer as worried (because of the good X-ray results) and our life returned to normal. And believe me, I tried everything I know (including tips from the doctor and my mother). I have a steam machine in his room at night, he did not sleep with the air conditioner on at all, all summer (rather a ventilator, or the heat is unbearable) I gave him salt drops in his nose and we even used the inhalation machine.

At about 6 month suddenly it all cleared up! And he was cold free for a week, for the first time in his life! Such bliss! I felt like a winner at last! And then we flew to Germany and he caught something on the plane... and so we returned with a sick child, back to square one! Baaaah!

A runny nose was a staple more or less since he was 3 months old, and I always attributed it to the fact that Jonathan goes to a daycare center and other kids means viruses...but about a month and a half ago he started coughing too! I took him to the doctor and was told there is nothing to do, as he is too little to give him antibiotics. After a month of coughing I finally got the prescription for inhalation. We did this for 4 days and his throat and lungs cleared up! But his nose was blocked and so after a three day pause we once again inhalated for three days – this was two weeks ago! The boy has a running nose since and he is also coughing again! Now tell me! What is a mother supposed to do????

To add on to this, my husband and I also got sick and had to take antibiotics in turns. So we had the added worry that Jonathan has got the infection too. The doctor said no! But he also said the usual “nothing to do” sentence. Today is Saturday and Jonathan woke up with a fever again 38.7. During the day the we gave him some medicine to lower it and it broke, but I know he went to sleep again with fever. And now comes a mother's doubt – should I take him to the doctor again? Does the combination of a running nose, a cough and fever justify that we show up in the clinic once again? (The last time we went the doctor said we should come again if it gets worse - i.e. fever) Or should I attribute his fever to new teeth that might be popping out...after all he is the right age for such things... and he has taken to munching anything quite in a frenzy lately, a clear sign for new teeth, not to mention the quantities of spit...
I guess if he has fever tomorrow morning, we will go to the doc and I might even insist on an X-ray again, as Jonathan has been coughing for more than a month now, but this means missing work, and so, I guess if he has no fever tomorrow, I will probably send him to the daycare center again...

This is a good time to stop my worrying mind and tell you, faithful reader, how adorable Jonathan is even when he is sick. I am sure that with 38.7 degrees the boy is suffering and yet he plays and eats and is in a good mood always, as if nothing is wrong. Admittedly he cries a bit more than normal when he is hungry or tired (and Jonathan hardly cries) but that is the only difference and the only indication that he is sick at all. We are blessed with a happy and peaceful (albeit active) child! Yeh! And with this optimistic note, I shall end today's blog!

PS – last week, it turned out I just has a reoccurring virus...no antibiotics for me, just lots of vitamin C.
I am worried because this is the forth time I got a cold virus in the last three months! Am I pushing too hard? Work and baby? Is it all to much for me? But what can I do but go on...and I wanted an optimistic ending! So here it is! Jonathan is after all the best thing that has happened to me and he is just soooooooooooooo cute!

The sick cycle continues

Mom has a sore throat again and it looks like antibiotics are on the menu this time... Jonathan is coughing again, despite two inhalation rounds in the last two weeks.

On September 7th 2008 Jonathan managed to turn on the TV!

My mother was babysitting, so I regret I did not see this amazing feet myself. Turns out Jonathan was cruising along the TV cabinet and pressing buttons (and pulling cables) until he hit the one that turns the TV on! Now the only question remains is if he will remember this and repeat it - has he already registered what he has done? ...he probably will remember eventually, the real question is when...

Inhalation – its takes two grownups to hold a crying baby

When an infant does not cooperate, it invests all its strength in fighting! Babies are a lot stronger than we think. We had to give Jonathan inhalation treatments in the last two weeks, and he hated it! I guess I can understand him, th machine makes a strange buzzing noise and for some reason mommy insists on putting a rubber mask on his face... he fought like a tiger! It took both me and my husband to hold him and this when he was already tied into the chair we use when we take him in the car with us. So chair belts and two adults and still he managed on occasion to kick off the mask or kick the air hose out...fighting and crying non stop until it's over.

For us as parents, these moments are dreadful! Jonathan's objection is so strong that we feel guilty in forcing him to go through this process. We know it is fr his own good! To get rid of a cough that has plagues him for more than a month, but still his cries of protest reach our hearts and breaks them... thank god the inhalation is only a few minutes and then he gets a bottle of tea or milk and he calms down. Thank god babies have short memories, a minute later and the boy is all sunny – fun and games! And all is forgotten, and us parents can forgive ourselves.

In just three days of inhalation we cleared a cough, then we took 3 days rest and treated him a gain for a blocked nose. Now his nose is running but he is also coughing again... so I am not sure how to continue. In any case it is obvious that inhalation has an effect. I hope we can get rid of the cough soon, because I do not look forward to another round of inhalation and hard felt cries... still this is better than having him hospitalized with influenza... so lets keep our fingers crossed.

September 2nd. Daily Developments

Jonathan has taken to pursing his lips and forming the letter U. sometimes he even whistles!

He likes to stand holding onto a chair and then pushing it and walking after it. This is still not a smooth action, and as he is stringer with his right hand he tends to push with it more and so he walks in circles.

He is capable of standing holding onto a shelf with just one hand, or even just leaning with an elbow! He lets go for a split second, but does not balance alone yet!

He has taken to spiting out foods he does not like!

He loves munching on bread crust!

When eating a cookie it is obvious he does not like the crumbs falling on him! He also wipes his mouth with his hand when eating – clearly the boy likes it clean (like mommy).

A boiled egg is cause for face making, because it feels some funny on the tongue!

He has discovered the kitchen and likes to turn out the contents of some cupboards. I purchased locks, but it looks like he can pull some of them out of place. I hope he remains unmotivated to look into the locked closets, because if not I will need to change the locks.

He sometimes waves his hands when someone says goodbye – but this is not consistant yet.

He sleeps whole nights now! Sometimes he still wakes up, but a bottle is given and he is quickly sleeping again! Mommy is becoming lazy, I leave the bottle with him in bed and go directly back to sleep again, daddy employs the same tactic!
Sometimes, mommy doesn't even hear it when Jonathan wakes up! And so, I sleep a full and continuous 6 hours now! Yey!

Impossible August

August in Israel is the blackest month of the year for the average parent. Kindergartens and schools are in the midth of the summer holiday and all the organized summer activities of July are over! Now parents have to improvise so that their children are cared for, kept busy and are not bored and all this without taking time off work, or reducing this time to a minimum. An Israeli employee gets only 10 days holiday a year, so even if the average parent did not take days off during the year and has all 10 for august, that still only covers two weeks of work.

In the case of toddlers like Jonathan, who go to a private day care center, the day care center is officially open until August 8th. Then there is two weeks of summer activities for extra pay and then only ten days in which the day care center is closed. We pay for our comforts! For starters – although the official activity is only until august 8th, we are required to pay for a full month! For just 6 days of service !!! *not even 8 days, there is always a weekend n there somewhere...). And then there is extra pay for the two weeks summer activity! This is scandalous, but disparate parents have learned to live with it!
In the public kindergartens it's worse, because for bigger children there is a two month summer holiday, and summer activities (again, with extra pay) cover only July! The higher month price for the private day care center pays off when you consider that you only have to improvise for 10 days a year!

Parents in Israel mobilize anyone available to care for their kids. Sisters, aunts, and of course mommy mom (grandma) all lend a hand! Many also do take time off work. In many cases this time is not used for a family holiday, but rather taking turns in caring for the kids, so mommy takes 10 days off and then day does and so the impossible august is covered. With grandma's help, daddy and mommy can take off some time together and still have a family holiday in August! To add to all this hassle, August is the hottest month of the year here, and with global warming it is becoming insufferable! This is also not the best time to go on holiday in Israel, because of the scorching heat!

In my particular case, I had it easy this year! For starters, as my husband was between jobs, he could care for Jonathan for a week. I also finagled the owner of the daycare center for a discount (with the argument that my husband is not working...) so that Jonathan could stay until the August 15th in the center and I did not pay extra for this one week of summer program. For the last 10 days of august (The deadly 10! ha ha) I had a solution in the shape for my mother in law, who came all the way from Germany to care for the boy! The 10 days she spent with us were heaven for me, I could come home and all was tidy and I did not have to start organizing everything. Just come home from work and put my feet up! For 10 days I had a full time aupair! Wow! What luxury! Made me think of moving to a house out of town with more rooms, so I could hire an aupair for the whole year through!
In the end I took only one day off in August! And this is a big achievement for a working mother! I took a day off, so I could send some time with my mother in law! It seemed only fair to do so, considering the amount of help she gave me in this impossible august!

August is over, but no so the parent's torment. The two first days of September are the “getting used to the day care center again” days. This means the daycare center (and also public kindergartens and schools) work only 2 or 3 hours on September 1st and 2nd. Again the working mother needs to mobilize the helpers! I called my mother in China! (she went to the Olympic games with my dad as their annual vacation) to make sure she could come over on Sept. 2nd. And then I called my sister for help on Sept. 1st only then it turned out that my husband\s new job just started today, so September 1st he covered for me. Today, Sept. 2nd, my mother came to help. Tomorrow, thank God! The daycare center returns to full time work! But bliss is short lived! October brings with it the Jewish holidays and again the daycare center will be closed! There is a bright side to this though, with just 4 days of leave I will have two weeks off work because of the Jewish holiday season, so I will have time to relax and also be there for my Jonathan! And the weather will be nicer! So, I am trying to keep an optimistic view on things to come.

Loyalty

There is nothing more frustrating for a parent to see one's baby adoring your partner. Even if you adore your spouse you secretly hope your baby will always love you best! (And anyone who denies this is simply a liar!)

It August! This means the day care center has gone to part time and you also pay extra for this partial service. Besides that in the last ten days of the month the care takers get a vacation. They deserve it of course, but for working moms this is a hassle! Either the working mom needs to take a vacation (and all moms want their vacation days at the same time and have to fight to get them from their boss...) or the baby sitting war begins – as in how to get a sitter for just two weeks for full days. If you do not have a grandma handy, you are in a pickle! It's sour AND expensive!
(When your kids grow the costs do not sink because instead of the sitter you have to pay for their entertainment...aaaah!)

Thankfully I have my husband and his mother handy. Meaning I do not have to take days off in August! Yeppeee! Vacation days are precious in Israel, because employees only get ten a year (I.e. two weeks off work). Thanks to my husband unemployment (his new job starts only in September, the lord be praised!) and the fact that his mom is coming over from Germany to care for her grand child, I can keep my vacation days and then combined with the Jewish holiday season in October I will be away from the office for two weeks by just taking days off work! All right!

So far we had the good news! My august arrangements have been made and I can go on about my business cheerfully, until next year...but the bad news is that in the last week, since Jonathan has been at home with my husband, the boy clearly prefers my husband. I know this because he whines when my husband leaves the room, and he whines even if I remain! When Jonathan was smaller, he clearly preferred me, I was at home on maternity leave and my husband was working full time so naturally the boy attached himself to me, his mom! I felt great – this is the way things should be! A boy needs his mom! But my husband was frustrated by the preference. My husband will be the first to agree that a boy needs his mom, after all he has a great relationship with his mother to this day, even as a grown up!
This however did not lesser the fact that being second place for Jonathan after me was not pleasant to say the least.

Now I know what he meant and what he was grumbling about! Why as recently as two weeks ago, Jonathan still preferred me over any other person. True, he could ignore me completely when I came to pick him up from the daycare center because he was busy playing, but he was always ecstatic to see me one I got his attention and at home I was the clear favorite. Noe that he spends most of his waking hours with his father and sees me only a half an hour in the morning and two in the evening (nothing new here, this is also so when the day care center is open) he naturally attaches himself to his father, as he sees no one else during the day (at least there are three different care takers to choose from in the day care center...). This short term loyalty is fantastic – his father just started being at home with him this week and already on the first day Jonathan showed a change of preference. This loyalty is wonderful but frustrating for me. And now tomorrow my husbands mother is coming and she and my husband will be spending hours with the boy while I work! I almost wonder if between them he will remember me!

Well, I am exaggerating, of course – the boy is still very happy to see me and play with me when I get home and I am in fact happy that he spends more time with his father (who when he was working saw even less of his son). I am hoping this new attachment will also last and motivate my husband to take a larger role in Jonathan's life!

All these positive thoughts put aside, I must always remember that this is just a short summer interlude. September will come soon, the day care center will reopen it's doors, my husband will start working and all will be back to normal – If Jonathan's loyalty is indeed short spanned (babies really do have short span of attention according to researches I read) then there is still hope that mommy will once more become number one! Hurray! After all, a boy needs his mom!

Jonathan's Daily Achievements - August 2008

The story of Jonathan turning out cupboards in the kindergarten is nothing new, but today was a first at home! Jonathan discovered the kitchen! And turned out the contents of a shelf full of plastic bowls.
I think he had lots of fun doing so, but once they were all out and scattered around him, he lost interest and crawled away...

Jonathan has a new habit of throwing out his pacifier when the ladies at the day care center try to put him to sleep. He throws the pacifier out of his sleeping pen and then calls for someone to pick it up. Only to throw it out again! I told them he also does that at home, but after one go I ignore it! Also I advised them to put the pacifier backing the pen when he sleeps because he likes to take it into his mouth in his sleep and so he stays in bed longer...

Jonathan has a new chair! A real chair to eat in! Its still a bit big for him, but it does the job! Now if he doesn't feel like eating anymore, he has a new signal of trying to squirm out of the chair! This means that until he has grown into it, he cannot! be left alone in it, even if he is tied in it.

Whenever I tie Jonathan into a chair, either to eat or in the car or stroller he is always protesting. I guess I can relate, no one likes being tied down... but this is for his safety. So, each time I dutifully explain that the belt is for his own good and even use some of Israel's newest drive safe slogans... that clicking (the car seat belt shutter) is cool! Or that we always drive with a seatbelt on...etc. You can never start too early...

The Sick Circle

You may have wondered shy I did not blog last week, well, I had a cold! In fact we all are still sick, Jonathan, my husband and I can become a coughing orchestra! Especially at night! The doctors said it's just a virus and we have to wait it out! So there is no treatment and unfortunately it still keeps us all up at night!

Every family with small children must have had to go through the “Sick Circle”. A member of the family catches a cold and then all the others get the disease as if by turn. First child No. 3 then daddy, then child No.1 then mom and then child number 2 and then daddy again, and then mom again and so the circle goes on! Children that attend a kindergarten tend to get sick more often, because the “Sick Circle” also wreaks havoc in groups of children, with germs freely passed on from child to child. (No matter how clean the kindergarten is, there is no preventing babies from snatching pacifiers from each other and stuffing them in their mouths, germs and all...).

There is nothing more annoying for a woman than a sick husband! Men suffer so when they are sick. For a mother this is doubly annoying because when the father is sick there is no chance for any assistance with the kids. A virus brings down a grown man with very little effort! Sick men are so centered in how bad they are feeling that nothing else counts. Just this week my husband got a nasty cold (yes, I admit it was nasty) and informed me that should he die, I must promise him that Jonathan would still see his grandparents (explanation: my husband's parents live in Germany whereas we live in Israel). I naturally made the promise, but this did not lesser my husbands acute sufferings...coughing and blowing one's nose regularly is not pleasant (but neither is it life threatening...)

The only situation that is harder than living with a man who has a cold is having one yourself at the same time! When a man is sick, all that matters to him is his swollen nose. If his wife happens to suffer the same symptoms at the same time, he still thinks he has it worse! As a mother, even though all I wanted to do is lye down I had to care for my boy as I do every evening! Feeding, bathing and playing are the order of the day! And my husband just slouches on the couch, totally centered in how bad he is feeling! With Jonathan also sick, you can add a bit of concern to my difficulties.

The positive thing is that Jonathan is absolutely adorable! Even when he is sick he is happy and playful! And so, even if I have no voice to greet him in the morning (lost it coughing the night before...) I am still greeted with the biggest of smiles when I come to his bedroom in the morning. The boy is all happiness! The sun is shining and the birds are singing in his world because mommy is here! The occasional cough just does not seem to bother him as much as it bothers me that he coughs! Jonathan is taking his sickness lightly, making it a lot easier for me to care for him. In such moments as these I believe adults have a lot to learn from their children. I fear that as a member of the male sex the wonderful characteristic of Jonathan's (having a good mood even when he is sick) will eventually disappear, after all my son will also one day be a man, and sick men are insufferable! (Have I already mentioned that?) My only hope is that then his wife will be stuck with a man who has a cold...

Jonathan and the world of No!

Baby Jonathan is already 8 months old and must now learn the meaning of the word “No”. As he moves about the house with a tendency ti tear every object from its place (or from itself...especially books) we, his parents, chase him about and forbid him to touch certain items, in a desperate attempt to save our belongings...

And so our son has begun to hear the word No! Repeatedly. The more he learns to move about, the more he needs to understand that he is not allowed to touch everything. My mother claims Jonathan is the first of her grandchildren (she has three) that causes damage in his wake! I find that hard to believe, don\t all babies touch everything within their reach just out of curiosity? Well, Jonathan certainly does. So, as he gets more mobile, so do we! I watch what he does and if he goes towards forbidden territory (or item) such as daddy's comic books or the garbage, I raise my voice and firmly say No! After all we cannot raise everything of some value out of his reach, we simply have too much stuff to do that.

At first he just looked up and laughed at me, clearly not understanding what on earth I wanted and glad to get the attention. However, after a few days it began to become clearer that he does understand something is wrong. After all mommy's tone is not a happy and light singsong when she says No! Its short, loud and firm!
One hot day, Jonathan was crawling away in the living room and going directly towards the small ventilator distributing cooling wind. I guess I can understand why he thought this object was interesting, but on the other hand his fingers could get caught in it...so I have to watch out and not let him touch it. I went closer to him and said a firm No!. He looked at me, this time not laughing, and seriously inspected me (what is wrong with mommy, she isn't smiling now) so I repeated a bot louder, No! He raised his eyebrows and curved his lips to show me he doesn't like this kind of tone, his face showed me he was upset and about to cry, Now I knew! He clearly understood me! He just did not like being forbidden to do as he pleases, nor did he like the negative tone in my voice. I repeated my firm No! A third time. This time Jonathan's lips practically began to quiver, giving me one last chance before he was to start crying...but although I was laughing now, he was just being so adorable with his all to saddened face, I stood firm and repeated one last loudly serious No! And then he began to cry!
Certain that he understood what I wanted I removed him from the ventilator, explaining it is dangerous and could hurt him (you will get Ouch! If you touch that) and then gave him something to play with in a distance. He soon calmed down.

The ladies at the daycare center have told me that they too have to explain to Jonathan that he cannot run the place! Jonathan likes to go to the room of the older children and toss out the contents of the drawers (or so I am told). He particularity likes doing this when its changing time! This is of course disturbing for the ladies that are changing the diapers in that room. And so, the lady in charge of the younger kids n the group has taken to forbid Jonathan to go to the changing room! Only he disobeys this command! (or so I am told). Testing his leverage with his care takers, Jonathan crawls deliberately towards the forbidden room at changing time, until he reaches the door. Once he is there he sits down and then looks back to the room where he should be playing, searching for the care taker. Once he finds her (and she again tells him No! that he may not continue towards the desired changing room) he starts to inch towards the forbidden room on his butt, sitting. This little game continues until the care taker comes to take him away from the door. You have to admit my boy is once smart and cheeky fellow!

We try not to forbid too much, he should have his freedom to roam and explore. We locked away almost all the dangerous things, like detergents and chemicals, and are working on locking up the bar and other breakable things wile leaving plastic boxes and pots accessible, along with books and toys. Cables have been tucked away and electric sockets protected. Expensive items placed on higher shelves. In fact we say that our life style has risen – as in everything is placed higher up, because of Jonathan (in Hebrew this little word play works in a funny double meaning). We cannot make our home full proof but we hope it is safe enough, just as we hope it also will remain interesting for him to roam about! And as for Jonathan, his role is to test his boundaries (and ours) and learn to navigate the world of No!

Turns out my son is famous!

Although I had always known Jonathan was a fast moving baby, I had no idea he had a fast moving reputation too...

I had always known that Jonathan's motoric capabilities were very advanced for his age. He rolled over just at 3 months, was crawling at 5 months and stood up the first time at 6 months holding his crib walls, even before he could sit up straight (he did that at 7.5 months). I also always knew he was a strong baby and also fearless, as in he can crawl over (or under) just anything, no matter how high or large, to get to his goal.
What I did not know, is that he has developed quite a reputation because of these feats. Turns out my boy is quite famous among the kindergarten parents. Turns out many mothers coming to the day care center to pick up their offspring have been watching my Jonathan on the move! Turns out he is the talk of the day care center, and the ladies who take care of him love to tell stories about him to anyone who will hear. Their favorite story is that when the children are divided to age groups for their lunch (one group 3-12 months; this is Jonathan's group, and the other 12-18 months), Jonathan usually wonders off to join the older group and he grabs food from the older ones and in general disrupts the process of feeding and diaper changing. The ladies in charge of the older group must always call upon the care taker of Jonathan's group to come and get him!

And so, at the end of the year gathering, which took place yesterday, I learned that many parents know my boy by name, even though they met me for the first time. Even parents of the children who are in the older age groups (2-4 years) have heard about Jonathan. This is despite the fact that the older children's kindergarten is located several streets away from the building in which Jonathan and the children of up to 2 years of age spend their time. That came about because one of the ladies in the baby day care center got sick and had leave for two weeks. The replacement came in the form of one of the kindergarten teachers who is usually employed caring for children on 2-4 years of age. When this lady returned to the older children's group, she came back full of stories about this amazing baby who is developing fast and who is always on the move!

The ladies at the day care center have taken to greeting him in the morning by calling him names such as “Hercules” and “Chuck the bandit” because he is always turning everything up side down! They tell me he loves to pull drawers of toys open and throw out all the contents. Opening closets that contain clothes for the other children and turning the contents out is also pure satisfaction for Jonathan, I am not sure his care takers see this in the same positive light... The care takers love to tell me his mishaps and daily adventures everyday when I come to pick him up! Once even a mother of another boy decided to wait for me to come pick Jonathan up, so she could at last see who is the mother of the wonder boy!

Jonathan has now started “cruising” using the table in the living room or our library shelves to hold on to while he walks along the object towards a desired book or toy! Well, Jonny boy! All I can say is, you had better start walking without any help soon! After all, you have a reputation to keep!

Jonathan's Longest Night Yet!

The night of July 25 to 26, 2008
Jonathan let mommy and daddy sleep 12 hours straight! He went to bed at 19:30, cried again at 20:00, but was fast asleep until 6 in the morning, when mommy ignored his voice because he was rather talking to himself than crying, and so both mom and Johnathan fell asleep again until 8 o'clock! That means 12 straight hours for Jonathan in bed!

July 24th, 2008 – Some of Jonathan's latest achievements

He is getting stronger, showing first inclination of taking a step (or two forward) and he has teeth he can use to chew and hand to hold on to his first finger foods! As always he is also as cute and as good natured as can be! I am a blessed mom!

Jonathan standing is getting stronger an he does not wriggle his back as much when standing and holding onto his bed, or pen. He an “cruise” near a table, holding onto it and moving a few steps to the left or right, to reach something interesting he can then just throw off the table! Tossing a plastic box that holds “wet ones” and diapers which in located for mommy's convenience in the living room, on the living room table is his favorite pass-time in the last two weeks.

He I also learning the art of chewing! Yes, yes! Mommy has over come her fear of the absolute mess this action leaves behind it and has given Jonathan a biscuit! Naturally a baby's biscuit, that melts nicely in the mouth and that has ow sugar content, but still he can chew on it! He is also getting better with his fingers! Holding the biscuit nicely between his finger and thumb and bringing it directly targeted into his mouth.
Today he even scratched the biscuit with the two teeth that have emerged in the last three weeks or so. Really cute!

Spoon eating is now routine and has become really easy. He just swallows it all up! I just shovel it to him and the meal is over in less than ten minutes! His favorite foods are if course the home made mixtures mommy cooks diligently each Saturday and then freezes for future use, and a simple porridge.
You gotta hand it to him, he likes keeping is simple!

Babysitting – The Average Parent's Life Line

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I guess the biggest tip I can give to anyone who is planning a pregnancy is: DO NOT DO THIS UNLESS YOU HAVE HELP HANDY! Caring for a baby is hard work and it is always nice to take some time off! Any pair of helping hands (in the shape of an aunt, sister, cousin and grandparent) is always welcome.

I know there are some moms who do not share, and in fact may even fear giving over their new born babies to others, me, I am the super sharing mom. Anyone who "wants a ride" by taking Jonathan in their arms is a welcome break for me. I relish the visits I get from my mother, I also visit her a lot more often than I used to before the baby was born. Spending the weekend at my parents' means potential rest for me…and I need it!

Since Jonathan was born, I get up every three hours every night to feed him. This means that even if I get a nice 9 hour night's sleep (from 22:00 to 7:00) I still get it in three parts of 3 hours each – that is just not the best formula for deep and refreshing sleep. The result is that I am simply exhausted. My husband shares in the burden of getting up to feed, but I still wake up when Jonathan calls, and then signal my husband that "now its your turn to get up" and only then can I fall into a slumber again.

Getting someone to babysit a really small baby is complicated, because you really do need someone you can trust. Babysitters are the parent's lifeline to some kind of a social life and some rest. Going out in any format in the evening or night is not possible with an infant – and so this is where I depend on the members of my family who live near by to help me out. I will occasionally also pay a babysitter, but I think Jonathan is too small for an entire stranger too much. I hire a sitter for my weekly gym session, but that's just one hour at a time. For longer outings I prefer family – after all they are for free!

Babysitters are not only an important facilitator of rest or pleasure, but also the people who enable me to stay at work late or go to the gym. Everything I want to do now is involved with child logistics. Either I need to pack a small bag (diapers, bottle, pacifiers and toys…) and take Jonathan with me, or I start calling up my sister, brother and cousin, who all live near me, to see whom would care to "get stuck" with Jonathan for an hour , while I go out… when he was just a month old, it was winter and so on a rainy day, if I needed to go to the super market, I had to call in a family member babysitter. Thank god the weather in Israel is usually nice, and so I can usually take Jonathan with me on errands, in fact it is a nice time or us both to get some air together. On days when the daycare center is closed but I have to work, it’s the phone line express all over again…anything to avoid having to take a day off.

Don't get me wrong, I would love to spend as much time as I can with Jonathan, its just that we get very little vacation time in Israel and I prefer to keep that for an annual family vacation and not spend my vacation days one by one at home with Jonathan on errands, or because the day care ladies are enjoying a day off!

As a mother, you must show a bit for flexibility when giving your baby over to someone else's care. No matter what, the babysitter always cares for the baby a bit differently than you would…Even the most trusted person will care for the baby in his or her way and a new mother may find that difficult to accept. In our particular case, as my husband's parents live in Germany, his mother's instinct is to always wrap children up against the cold, and in Israel this is not always needed. When she visited us in February this year, she always tended to wrap Jonathan's head with a blanket, and I always discretely removed it so he won't over heat (he tends to raise a slight fever when we are in sun…). But even among Israelis, some may think it is colder or warmer than others and thus over or under-dress your baby (according to your personal evaluation of the weather of course) when caring for it . The most curious thing I experienced so far is that my brother in law tends to put on the nappy backwards, with the closing tapes on Jonathan's rear end. And so, a mother who wants some time off must be prepared to accept these little differences and quirks, but it is worth it.

My husband always said he does not want to be one of those fathers who "do nothing" after the birth of his son (his exact words were, the "dead" father type). He declared he wants to be able to go out with friends at least twice a month. Generally, I can understand his wish to keep some form of night life; I just also think he should see more of his son than he actually does – what with his late working hours he gets to see Jonathan only on weekends, and then he also wants to get some extra sleep too, like every working person who needs the weekend to relax. Fitting it all in is a master's work. We compromised on his going out once a month in the end. As for me, I practically have no night life, except getting up for Jonathan…but I must also be honest and own that I also did not have much of a night life before he was born, because as a non-smoker I have long given it up, to avoid the smoke that so makes me suffer! Still it can be aggravating – its always obvious that the mom just has to be there, and men get to bugger off! They definitely have the easier deal in terms of social expectation- and I must say my husband tends to abuse this social tendency.

Baby sitting is therefore most important for me for relaxation and also in facilitating some quality time for me and my husband together alone. We like to go out on occasion and hence need the babysitter. For me this is also the only form of night life that I try to maintain. Most of the time it works out and we really cannot complain. We go out together as new parents almost as much as we did before we had Jonathan. Sometimes, however, it does not quite work out as we would like. Yesterday was my birthday and we wanted to go out to dinner. In the last minute our planned baby sitting family member had to cancel. And so we stayed at home…never mind, we got an early night's sleep instead! That is also worth quite a lot in the new parent's life. We will celebrate my birthday another night…

Family helping out in child raising is a staple in Israel. In fact it is the only way the modern working mom can make it. Grandparents have the most important position as potential helpers at any time, because they are mostly retired and thus masters of their own time. This is however not my case! My parents still both work and are quite busy, and my husbands parent live in another country (heel, another continent!). I cannot complain too much because in my case the whole family pitches out to help if required and my parents would drive miles to get to us if it was really needed.

Recently I found an ironic and yet so true image of raising kids in Israel, our dependency on our family and the role of grandma in a major woman's magazine (Laisha – Israel's most selling ladies magazine). It was published for the international Family Day (previously known as father's day). The small advert was taken off the internet and was called "Grandma's Answering machine" and here are the contents:

"Hallo, here is Gran, I am not at home right now. If you want to leave a message, please do so now according to the following instructions:

If you are one of my children please press 1.

If you need a babysitter, press 2.

If your car is still in the garage and you ant to use mine, press 3.

If today is Friday and you did not get bread for the Sabbath and want me to do so for you, press 4.

If you want me to take the grandchildren TO school/ kindergarten/ football practice/ ballet/ swimming/ tai chi/ karate or church, press 5.

If you want me to take the grandchildren FROM school/ kindergarten/ football practice/ ballet/ swimming/ tai chi/ karate or church, press 6.

If you have a meeting at work and will come in late and so need me to take the kids TODAY to the dentist/ private lessons/ speaking therapy/ children psychologist or family doctor, press 7.

If you want the kids to stay the night at my place (even though you know this is my "Bridge" night) press 8.

If you are one of my friends, I apologize, but I really do not have time to talk to you right now, I have to go get the kids…"

It might sound to much to some, but there is a large portion of truth in the above…All I can add here is Mom, Dad, I love you both…and thanks for taking Jonathan off my hands on occasion…

Sisters, cousin and brother, I love you all too and thank you too for your help...

The Perfect Duet – Or is it?

Being a mom is not easy. Its hard work! Extra washing, feeding and a small and dependant person to take care of. Sleepless nights and endless tasks! I do not like the woman I have become, a grumpy old hag! A true battleaxe as the Brits would call it. I am always cleaning, and tidying up, complaining, bickering with my husband and just being stressed. Lots of mommies are also constantly bickering about their husband's lack of assistance, I do too – continuously!

I have heard it from colleagues and friends – "men are useless", they say, "you just have to do it all by yourself or it will not get done!" I have even heard men admit that if men had to take care of children alone, there wouldn't be any kids in the world at all – they say in their defense that a man's genetic code is just not programmed for taking care of children! I say that's bullshit! It makes men feel good though, like they have an excuse - taking away some of the guilt –but now I am just being negative. So, let's look at the more positive side of things.

The good news is that the average modern father actually wants to take part in the upbringing of his offspring – some manage to contribute, but the others suffer from two situations - some men do not know how to tackle the issue (they have good intention though) and others simply do not get a chance. (Of course there are also the childish bastards who really do not care and do not help at all…but I try to keep a pro-masculine approach…trying to stay positive, right?)

There are some women who simply do not allow their husbands to help, and it is those women in particular who of course complain bitterly about their spouse's lack of interest… Whenever the baby is crying they run first to hug him, when the father is changing a diaper they push him aside, telling him he is doing it all wrong! No wonder the poor guy would rather tuck it in early than stay up at night only to be scolded by his annoyed wife! It says in the books that men feel like a disturbance to the perfect duo of mother and child, that they feel left out, even rejected. I guess there is a lot of truth in that. (My positive approach just got washed away with the baby and the bath water…)

When Jonathan was first born my husband belonged to the group of men who were in shock and did not know how to tackle the issue of a new born (despite his good intentions). I was angry of course at his lack of interest. I tried to make sure he would not feel left out by trying to share some of the baby related tasks with him. This did not really work that well, and my frustration grew. Luckily my return to work when Jonathan was 3 months old shook my husband into action and he began to take over some of the feeding times and diaper changing.

I am not the kind of hysterical woman who does not let her husband near the baby but I admit I did look over his shoulder and gave instructions – so that he could know how I prefer things to be done. Sometimes he found these instructions helpful but my guess is that most of the time he found them annoying…though he would never admit it; my husband was starting to belong to the group of good intentioned men who do not get a chance to help! (This was especially prominent in the mornings, where I would wish for my husband to care for Jonathan, but I usually got up faster and just got things done). As he was starting to take a more a more active role in his son's life we developed a routine. I was not 100% content and to admit the truth I still thought I was doing a lot more and baring a larger burden also with work and all (especially in the mornings…did I mention that?), but we were sharing the hardship and so, I hoped, our troubles were over.

This last week, when my husband was away in Germany, was surprisingly relaxing for me. Taking care of Jonathan alone turned out to be a lot easier than I thought. The boy is good natured and we have our evening routine anyway (its mom and baby always, because my husband works late). For a controlling person like me it was even nice to have all the decisions to myself. What will he eat (oh, my husband just gave him the bottle, and I wanted him to eat some vegetables…aaaahhh!) What will he wear and so on. It was also nice not to have to clean up after two people, just one and a baby at that. (smily)

My mother says that whenever my dad had to leave home for reserve duty (men is Israel serve in the army also as reserves up to the age of 45 and are away from home for two weeks to a month each year) it was always quieter and easier for her. My parents have 4 children and a strong marriage that is soon to come to its 41st year. This little piece of family trivia was a comfort to me - maybe my husband and I are just a normal couple struggling as first time parents?

When my husband returned, we talked about these feelings of mine and his first reaction was to be insulted. "You are saying that you don't need me, that it's easier without me!" he complained bitterly – I was shocked to find myself agreeing wit him and it made me very sad. This hard discovery however soon led to another one, harder still. The truth was that I had indeed shut my husband out! (He was belonging to the men without a chance group.) And he felt rejected. We were not a family but a so-called perfect duet of mammy and baby and a third male adult living in the same house. Just as I felt annoyed that my husband did not take on more of the tasks related to the baby, he felt he could not do so because of work or the way I behaved when we were together with Jonathan – taking the leading role at all times – not giving him a chance to take action, and leaving him the simple role of the guy who helps carry stuff!

Our relationship suffered from this too – he felt rejected and I was angry –I thus rejected his advances and we entered into a devil's circle of anger-rejection. Having a baby has put a lot of strain on our marriage. We have hardly any free time and even less time just for each other. And so, with all the extra stress it felt like my husband is intruding on my space in the evenings! It was just all so exhausting! And it's not really my husband's fault! It is not easy to discover that the very thing you wanted to prevent from happening – i.e. the strain on your relationship – has just happened and you did not see it coming! It became clear to me that we both needed to make an effort so we can get this family thing going right! If we don't we just won't make it!

So many people get a divorce for silly reasons – the little things just mount up to one big frustration that eventually leads to hate and separation. My husband and I were on that bad track, but a good talk has made some effect. I try to let go, to give my husband more time with Jonathan when he is home and the boy is awake (unfortunately a rare combination of events) – if I feel like I need to instruct – I just go to the next room – after all, my son is in good hands! In the hands of the man I love. My husband, from his part, is trying to be more aware of the time he can spend with Jonathan and to take on more of the tasks related to him – especially in the mornings! Since his return, we have managed to get things done much more peacefully and I have found the pleasure again in having a partner to share in the burden of child rearing. Peaceful communication between us has also reduced the stress and frustration. For example, my husband came in late last night because of the semi- final in the European Football championship tournament (Germany won! They go to the final game to play for the title) so I let him sleep and got up to take Jonathan to kindergarten. My husband was very grateful. I hope we can keep up and not fall back into old bad habits.

Though it is not hard for me to write this, I think it is important. Stress is part of every parent's life and relationships can suffer under the weight of raising children. It's important to try and keep a positive attitude and to resolve problems together and not hold it all in and wait for it to blow in your face. I think my husband and I are back on the positive track.

A partner ship needs work! Love is not all pink roses! We were not the perfect duet, Jonathan and I, because his father was not a part of our family experience. We were not a perfect duet, my husband and I, because I felt neglected and he felt rejected. We decided to drop the perfect duet concept and strive towards the perfect trio! Mommy, Daddy and Baby! Its hard work, but we know where we want to go and we learn every day how to get there! To become a family! And with this positive note I shall conclude for today!

(Boy! I used the word positive in this text 6 times! Things must not be that bad… ha ha)