Diapers, Clothes and Toys – The New Mother's Hand Me Downs

When it comes to diapers clothes and toys, my biggest tip for the new mother is to collect, not to buy!

Yes, even diapers – sounds strange but it can be very helpful. If you have some other new borns around you, get nappy samples from the parents rather than invest in a whole package of diapers. This way you can learn what brand is most suitable for your baby before investing in a whole pack that usually contains about 60-70 pieces. Different babies have a different body build and hence the mother will feel the difference of different diaper brands. I guess all diapers today are good at absorbing so I think it all comes down to the suitability of the diaper cut to your baby. Here is what I learned about nappies while trying out the different brands available in Israel of 2008:

Huggies Freedom (royal blue) is a long cut, so good for babies who happen to have rather long pelvis. The Red Huggies look cooler but are shorter. Recently Huggies Freedom has been changed to "perfect fit". The cut is more modern in a way but the absorbing area has been shortened. Now I need to use size 4 instead of size 3 in the old cut. Annoying, as this means more money per pack. Yes, yes, less nappies for more money each time your baby's butt becomes bigger! Along term business strategy that makes nappy manufacturers richer and parents poorer and frustrated!

Pampers also have two types. A longer cut that was given to me in hospital as promotion samples but seems to have disappeared from the supermarkets, and a shorter more sportive cut that has three phases. The first phase for new borns is what they call "New Baby". Pampers do seem to be a bit more advanced on the absorbance front, leaving your baby dryer. However, that is not always an advantage, as cleaning wet solids from your baby's behind tends to be easier that removing dry remains. The taping is not so strong and as Jonathan is an active baby, always on the move, I have experienced more leaks with Pampers than with Huggies.

The local brand, "Titulim", seems a bit shapeless and does not have really good taping. As much as I prefer to support local products, I regret that I cannot recommend this brand. The other local brand "Litufim" I did not try. I probably should, though, local brands are cheaper and Jonathan uses at least 5 diapers a day.

A good gift for a new born is a package of diapers. This way the parents can try out different sorts and not invest themselves in a whole package. If this is the gift you would like to give your friend who just became a parent then please follow these two tips:

1 – Buy just ONE package. The parents may not like the brand you chose and then they feel compelled to use up the nappy stock you so generously organized for them. So, one pack is enough.

2 – Buy size 2 (3-6 Kgs) of what ever brand you choose. Babies can grow into big nappies, they cannot use small ones. If your friend's baby is born around the 3 Kgs, most of the size 1 nappies will just be too small.

The best gifts you can get from friends who already have children are clothes and toys. Babies grow so fast in the first year, that it's almost a shame to buy new clothes. Babies need s a variety of toys to keep them interested and challenged.

The clothes I am using for my son have already served 7 children (my son being No. 7) through rotation in the wider family. True I had to sort them out and also buy some new stuff, but on the whole I use the second hand clothes and am grateful I did not have to invest money is a piece of cloth that will only be used for about 10 weeks of my son's life. Buying something is of course a fun thing to do and its ok, it’s the masses of clothes that you will need that you should try to collect. It is only natural that you want to treat your baby to something new and there are just so many cute things out there…

Buying cheep baby clothes might seem like a good idea considering their short term of use, but I think that might not prove to be so great if the cheep garment wears out after the first wash. Baby clothes get washed a lot! On the other side, I would also not invest in brands because it is just too expensive. So a nice chain with middle prices and good quality is what you are looking for. The Israeli chain "Shilav" has good quality cotton that holds up despite many washes, so it's worth purchasing there even if the clothes are not the cheapest.

When it comes to toys, almost anything goes. Babies can play with anything. Of course they tend to love the stuff you do not want them to touch (like your cell phone and car keys…). Collecting old toys from bigger kids of acquaintances can save the new parent a heap of money. Again, its fun to treat your baby (and yourself actually) to a new and cute toy. Here I would recommend, however, to definitely look for deals and discounts. The chains like "Toys R US" and "Shilav" tend to be expensive when it comes to toys and smaller shops (not chains) tend to have great offers and the toys are still good quality.

Don't feel bad about using hand me downs, your baby will never notice or count this against you and you will increase the variety of things he has ten fold. Also you can repeat the good deed and also empty you home making new place for new things as your child grows by giving away clothes and toys to new parents in your circle of friends. The stuff can be returned to you when you have another baby… and so life goes on…

March 21, 2008 - You Turned from Your Back onto Your Belly, and even Slept That Way of Your Own Accord

March 21, 2008 – 16 weeks and some

You turned from your back onto your belly, and even slept that way of your own accord

You were having a bad day actually, ever and discomfort and no proper sleep. Still today is a proud mother moment day, because you turned from your back onto your tummy and did it repeatedly. In my efforts to get you to sleep I helped you turn back onto your back (you are finding that action difficult these days, but of course you turned again onto your tummy and returned to complaining about the undesired result of your moving about, refusing to calm down.

I'm not writing this to be funny, this is truly what happened and we did the "I'll turn on my stomach, wine and complain trying to turn back and then mommy will come and topple me onto my back, I will breath my relief just for a second and then wiggle about again and turn yet again onto my belly only to decide it was a bad idea and start to complain again" routine at least three times this afternoon. After that I lost count and also lifted you out of bed to try and calm you on my arms, and then in the stroller (success at last! Thank God it was a warm evening and we could go out at 18:00).

At night, when you finally did go to sleep you turned yet again, complained slightly when you discovered you were on your belly and then fell asleep, on your belly of your own accord! Sweet Dreams! Now mommy can blog freely about the events of this hot Good Friday, or Purim day.

The Obsessions of the New Parent and Other Strange Things

I know its not Friday yet, but tomorrow the day care center is closed due to Purim, a Jewish holiday, so I decided to blog a day early…

Did you ever get a chance to hear a baby burp in front of a group of women? No matter what their age, all will immediately sound there approval and appreciation with oohs and aahhs. Isn't it amazing that such things as burps and farts, which are totally rejected by western society at large can become such welcome events when a new born is concerned? Yes, yes, I know that babies are primitive beings who unfortunately cannot release air any other way. It's just that burps and farts coming from babies are not only tolerated as a necessity but celebrated. When your baby burps in public, you as a proud mother stand and gloat as if your son/daughter has just won the Pulitzer Prize, or is it Nobel? (I do not know which one pays more…). Then you talk loudly to your offspring, cooing and congratulating and say something to this effect "oh, sweetie, who just burped/farted for mommy?" thus making sure that anyone around who missed the great performance of your little one can no longer remain ignorant.

I guess the amount of joy connected with such things as burps and farts is directly related to the relief parents will have after such occurrences. Every one knows that babies have gas – even people who have not become parents yet. Why is that? I think this knowledge is in proportion to the suffering and crying that a baby can go through if they do not fart. Babies with a condition of extra strong gas that does not get released and stomach aches cry their parents' hearts and nerves out and this condition has the "honor" of having its own name – Colic. Burps can be just as bothersome if they do not come out, with your baby crying and you not knowing why and feeling so hopeless that you cannot help your helpless child... Usually when a baby cries intensely for no reason the new mom will always be told that its just gas/ tummy problems and that it is typical for the first few months of the baby's life and that the good news is that it eventually goes away. So, when a baby burps or farts, the parent and everyone else around knows that peace is at hand and hence the great joy that follows the airy event.

In general new parents are obsessed with the different holes in their offspring's body. Your newest concerns and field of interest as a mother all have to do with the openings of your child's body, front and back. Mothers and grandmothers can talk about the feeding and peeing habits of their children/grandchildren for hours. When did he last eat, how much? Was it enough? Will he eat again in two/three or perhaps a blessed 6 hours? Did he pee? What about solids? How many times a day should the diaper be full and with what? What should the color be? Opinions vary and the new mom can get quite stressed out if her baby suddenly changes the frequency of his meals or diaper contents.

So, even though I was told in hospital that a baby should pee 6 times in 24 hours and produce more substantial diaper content 3 times a day (which I admit at the first month of his life my son did…) it is also ok if this occurs less often. Our doctor told us that once in 3 days is also good. My son now "performs" once a day and he seems a happy baby. The same goes for eating – as long as your baby is healthy and gaining weight, you are doing just fine and it does not matter that your best friend's child ate double as much when he/she was at the age that your baby is now.

The new mother's life becomes a collection of used up bottles (or sore breasts) and a trash can full of nappies. You obsess about your child's needs and are concerned he is not well every time he makes a sound. In fact, at first you only feel well when he is sound asleep. This is so because when he sleeps this is a signal that all is well, but there is also another reason - The main object of the new parent is to shut the baby up! Sad to admit, but still true. We keep stuffing bottles and pacifiers in their mouths and pray they will fall asleep so we can do something else (the washing, cleaning, emails and of course get some sleep!) and regain the feeling of freedom that was lost to us the moment he was born. (I know I write in masculine language, but hey I do have a son not a daughter, so mothers to daughters please forgive me).

In my case the whole process of getting used to being a mom was all about learning not to just think about shutting my son up and getting some freedom again. It took a while not just to bond with my son but also to learn to think positive around him. Like play with him and enjoy his company and not just think of how to get him back to his crib so I could continue to live my life…

My son is now 3 months old and we are totally in love with each other. It is a rewarding experience to have him in my arms and to care for him, day and night. This does not mean that this is also not exhausting and hard work. But when he laughs at me and recognizes my voice then it is all worth it. I still obsess about his needs but I no longer panic, after all every day brings new experiences. Sometimes I still want to just shut him up and see him sleeping, especially at the end of a long day together, but I have also learned to understand that that too is part of parenting.

You Cried in Your Dream

A Mother's Strange Moment - Watching Jonathan Cry in His Sleep, Dreaming

On March 16, 2008 I first witnessed mu son Jonathan cry in his sleep dreaming! He was wailing, which is why I first came to his bad, and then I saw he was totally asleep, crying and making faces. At once he curved his mouth, preparing to cry some more, and looks just like a Charlie Brown caricature.

March 12, Active Play for the First Time

March 12 2008 – closing 15 weeks

Active playing (not random hands flying about) for the first time

You start to take toys offered to you and show real interest in them, working with both hands and looking at your hands and you shove the toy in your mouth.

March 7, 2008 – you turned from Your stomach to Your Back

A proud mothers moment!

March 7, 2008 – 14 weeks old and a day

You turned from your stomach to your back for the first time.

Ever since you got your first cold when you were one month old you hate lying on your belly.

At 3 months of age, following the development specialist orders, mom has started insisting you spend more time on your belly and you protest loudly every time.

On March 7^th, after returning from kindergarten and eating lunch and sleeping, mom left you on your belly and went to the kitchen to clean your bottles. The complaints were not as loud as usual and mommy started suspecting that things were not as they seem… when she returned to your pen, you were lying on your back and not on your stomach, talking away and telling everybody in cute baby sounds what you had just achieved.

Mom was sorry to have missed this great moment of yours, so she turned you around again in the hope that you will repeat it…no such luck! You are strong and move about and raise your bum real high, and arch your back and almost turn sideways, but you did not manage the turning again that afternoon. (You did spin around like a compass though…)

Even when lying on your back you arch your body and almost turn sideways – well, mommy always knew you were a strong and active baby.

On March 9, you did it again. This time daddy laid you on your belly and when his back was turned to you, you turned around. Daddy called mommy and together they put you on your belly again to witness the great event – again, no go.

On March 10 you turned around twice in front of mommy and on March 11 daddy and your kindergarten care taker saw it too.

Information is Knowledge

I have always maintained that the world is full of information and that people are dyeing to share theirs with you, if you only know how to ask. When you are pregnant, or a new mother, you don't have to ask, people will share all their hard earned knowledge with you, weather you like it or not! This knowledge however comes in little bits and peaces and is no use when trying to build the complete picture. Any effort to get a proportional view of birth and parenthood is thus due to end in frustration.

It all starts when you are pregnant. Perhaps Israelis are an especially nosy lot, but once my belly started projecting at about 6 months people just started talking to me. It's like my pregnancy has become national property and everyone may give their two cents about it (not to mention, feel free to touch my new rounded front).

They all start with a polite congratulation, but then they go right to the point – and the point is, to share their worse birth experience ever! (or their cousin's, best friend's, work college or just any other woman who has given birth will do).

When I was nine months pregnant and on the verge of the hospital's door (home births are not popular in Israel – no wonder, after all the bad experiences you pick up on the street its no wonder future moms are to afraid to give birth outside of a medical facility) a lady took the trouble of sharing all her 6 children's birth stories. I have to wonder how she survived such a row of catastrophes. The first had no air, the second was backwards, and with the third she almost dies after 50 hours in the maternity ward… I do not recall the rest.

By the way, my son's birth ended up in an unplanned cesarean surgery…but I will spare you the details. To be honest, the team at the "Ichilov - Liss" birth center in Tel-Aviv was amazing and I do not regard my son's birth as a traumatic experience at all, despite its unplanned conclusion.

So, you give birth and you hope it is finally over with the bad stories, right? Kids are a wonderful thing, its all good from now on, WORNG! The worse thing now is that it is not strangers who are torturing you, but your family and friends. Anyone of your acquaintance who has ever had a child just feels bound to tell you something bad about babies.

Here are a few choice quotes (and my relevant insights):

"Sleep when he sleeps, it’s the only chance you will get!" (I do recommend a daily resting period in one of the times of day your baby sleeps, but not always when the baby sleeps, after all new born's sleep a lot!)

"Ahh, in a few months it will be gas! " (Little babies at 2-4 months of age have lots of stomach aches due to gas. It looks like they are crying for no apparent reason and there is nothing you can do. My tip, be calm and patient – your baby can tell when you are stressed out and it will only get worse).

"Well, you get them into a routine and then they start growing teeth!" (No comments, we are not there yet, to be continued…)

" Did you already get the "green bomb" diaper? (At about two days babies eject the last of the Makonium (I hope I spelled that correctly) – containing what they swallowed in the womb - and hence fill their diaper with lots! And I mean lots! Of green SH**T).

"What are the three most important words of the new parent? – It's your turn!" (I quote Paul Raiser. By the way this also works in Hebrew and German: Achsav Hator Shelcha/Shelach, Du Bist Dran).

"The best thing about being a grandma (cousin, aunt, friend…) is that when you have had enough you can give the child back!" (Yep! And mommy can dump him on daddy and vise versa…).

You might think that I am all about complaining! Well, here is my defense:

The truth is, the first week, I wanted to throw myself out of a window for doing this to myself (I can't admit that I wanted to throw my son out of the window, now can I – what a horrible mom!). Everything became difficult and complicated! Just going to the supermarket on a rainy day meant I needed my sister to pop by for an hour – as it was winter and taking Jonathan with me when just a few days old was out of the question. For every little thing you need to ask for someone's assistance (this is especially so after cesarean surgery) and that is embarrassing enough for an independent person like me.

The overall dependence of my baby on me was an overwhelming experience. To put it bluntly – I was in shock! And to add to my grievance, every old woman in the street saw fit to remark on my mothering skills. I was obviously not covering my baby enough in this cold draft, or covering him to much! He needs a hat! Or why does he have to wear a hat at home? An so on. I was feeling bad enough about the fact that I was not ecstatic about my son and they were just putting me down some more!

Turns out that this reaction is normal, and in fact I need not feel guilt that I wanted to throw my son out of the window. Most mothers do not fall in love with their offspring the moment they are born. NO, they are just exhausted and instead of catching on their beauty sleep they need to take care of a screaming infant! The bond between mother and child takes time to build (thank God for maternity leave and the time you have to build that bond)and this is scientific fact! We must all learn to understand our babies, and they have limited means of communication. But once we do start to understand them and to develop a routine as parents then it is not so horrible anymore!

The truly important information parents can collect is from their children. Isn't it amazing how with what seems just a few facial expressions and random hand waving babies tell us what they want? Did you notice that they actually talk with their whole body? My son, Jonathan makes cute sucking motions and tries to eat off his left hand, this way I know he is hungry even before he starts calling for food. I think he has different crying for food and other pains, but I am still not quite sure. He sometimes just cries because he is lonely in his crib and wants company and body contact! He really does explicitly ask me for anything he wants and shows his appreciation when I comply in the cutest relief gesture you will ever see. (He practically rolls his eyes with gratitude and enjoyment…).

At two months, I think my son is adorable; that no other baby is as cute or a well behaved as mine and I am nuts about him. Being a mom is still a nerve wrecking experience at times and yet I cannot regret this. I certainly to not want to throw him out of the window anymore, even when he is crying (sorry, screaming his lungs out in the middle of the night because of a tummy ache) – speaking of which, he is calling for me now, gotta dash…

A New Mom's Insights

Hi, and welcome.

This blog is all about being a mother (a working mother too) in Israel of 2008. I intend to write a weekly entry for the first 12 months of my son's life – at least I hope I manage to do so - I might continue afterwards too, we'll see how it goes…

My name is Ofra and 3 months ago I gave birth to my first son Jonathan and my life changed!

You may wonder why I am doing this. Well, it's for posterity. It is hoped that my son will be able to be master enough of the English language to enjoy this text (and the ones that will follow) when he is older. Also I hope to read this again in twenty years and laugh at myself. Additionally, when my children have children, I hope they might even find this helpful – after all parenthood will remain an overall new experience also in 20-30 years time, although the technology of raising children will probably change (hey! 30 years ago my mom had to use fabric diapers, I am sooo grateful for today's one time nappies ).

Another important reason is that everyone says kids are the most wonderful thing! But no one stops to remember the tough parts… the thing is, being a mom is a whole new existence (as I am sure being a dad is too, but I cannot write about that from first hand experience) and there is a lot to get used to – and this is the part no one really dwells about in detail, at least not out loud. So new parents have practically little warning about the extent of what lies ahead. I hope to change that, even if just a little bit.

Although I am living and writing in Israel, I am sure that most of my experiences are international and that mothers all over the world go through similar experiences. I would be happy to learn if that is really true through any comments I might receive on this site. This is not just for mothers, but anyone who would care to read about my journey, as I learn all about the art of raising children.

So, here goes…