There is nothing more frustrating for a parent to see one's baby adoring your partner. Even if you adore your spouse you secretly hope your baby will always love you best! (And anyone who denies this is simply a liar!)
It August! This means the day care center has gone to part time and you also pay extra for this partial service. Besides that in the last ten days of the month the care takers get a vacation. They deserve it of course, but for working moms this is a hassle! Either the working mom needs to take a vacation (and all moms want their vacation days at the same time and have to fight to get them from their boss...) or the baby sitting war begins – as in how to get a sitter for just two weeks for full days. If you do not have a grandma handy, you are in a pickle! It's sour AND expensive!
(When your kids grow the costs do not sink because instead of the sitter you have to pay for their entertainment...aaaah!)
Thankfully I have my husband and his mother handy. Meaning I do not have to take days off in August! Yeppeee! Vacation days are precious in Israel, because employees only get ten a year (I.e. two weeks off work). Thanks to my husband unemployment (his new job starts only in September, the lord be praised!) and the fact that his mom is coming over from Germany to care for her grand child, I can keep my vacation days and then combined with the Jewish holiday season in October I will be away from the office for two weeks by just taking days off work! All right!
So far we had the good news! My august arrangements have been made and I can go on about my business cheerfully, until next year...but the bad news is that in the last week, since Jonathan has been at home with my husband, the boy clearly prefers my husband. I know this because he whines when my husband leaves the room, and he whines even if I remain! When Jonathan was smaller, he clearly preferred me, I was at home on maternity leave and my husband was working full time so naturally the boy attached himself to me, his mom! I felt great – this is the way things should be! A boy needs his mom! But my husband was frustrated by the preference. My husband will be the first to agree that a boy needs his mom, after all he has a great relationship with his mother to this day, even as a grown up!
This however did not lesser the fact that being second place for Jonathan after me was not pleasant to say the least.
Now I know what he meant and what he was grumbling about! Why as recently as two weeks ago, Jonathan still preferred me over any other person. True, he could ignore me completely when I came to pick him up from the daycare center because he was busy playing, but he was always ecstatic to see me one I got his attention and at home I was the clear favorite. Noe that he spends most of his waking hours with his father and sees me only a half an hour in the morning and two in the evening (nothing new here, this is also so when the day care center is open) he naturally attaches himself to his father, as he sees no one else during the day (at least there are three different care takers to choose from in the day care center...). This short term loyalty is fantastic – his father just started being at home with him this week and already on the first day Jonathan showed a change of preference. This loyalty is wonderful but frustrating for me. And now tomorrow my husbands mother is coming and she and my husband will be spending hours with the boy while I work! I almost wonder if between them he will remember me!
Well, I am exaggerating, of course – the boy is still very happy to see me and play with me when I get home and I am in fact happy that he spends more time with his father (who when he was working saw even less of his son). I am hoping this new attachment will also last and motivate my husband to take a larger role in Jonathan's life!
All these positive thoughts put aside, I must always remember that this is just a short summer interlude. September will come soon, the day care center will reopen it's doors, my husband will start working and all will be back to normal – If Jonathan's loyalty is indeed short spanned (babies really do have short span of attention according to researches I read) then there is still hope that mommy will once more become number one! Hurray! After all, a boy needs his mom!
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Jonathan's Daily Achievements - August 2008
The story of Jonathan turning out cupboards in the kindergarten is nothing new, but today was a first at home! Jonathan discovered the kitchen! And turned out the contents of a shelf full of plastic bowls.
I think he had lots of fun doing so, but once they were all out and scattered around him, he lost interest and crawled away...
Jonathan has a new habit of throwing out his pacifier when the ladies at the day care center try to put him to sleep. He throws the pacifier out of his sleeping pen and then calls for someone to pick it up. Only to throw it out again! I told them he also does that at home, but after one go I ignore it! Also I advised them to put the pacifier backing the pen when he sleeps because he likes to take it into his mouth in his sleep and so he stays in bed longer...
Jonathan has a new chair! A real chair to eat in! Its still a bit big for him, but it does the job! Now if he doesn't feel like eating anymore, he has a new signal of trying to squirm out of the chair! This means that until he has grown into it, he cannot! be left alone in it, even if he is tied in it.
Whenever I tie Jonathan into a chair, either to eat or in the car or stroller he is always protesting. I guess I can relate, no one likes being tied down... but this is for his safety. So, each time I dutifully explain that the belt is for his own good and even use some of Israel's newest drive safe slogans... that clicking (the car seat belt shutter) is cool! Or that we always drive with a seatbelt on...etc. You can never start too early...
I think he had lots of fun doing so, but once they were all out and scattered around him, he lost interest and crawled away...
Jonathan has a new habit of throwing out his pacifier when the ladies at the day care center try to put him to sleep. He throws the pacifier out of his sleeping pen and then calls for someone to pick it up. Only to throw it out again! I told them he also does that at home, but after one go I ignore it! Also I advised them to put the pacifier backing the pen when he sleeps because he likes to take it into his mouth in his sleep and so he stays in bed longer...
Jonathan has a new chair! A real chair to eat in! Its still a bit big for him, but it does the job! Now if he doesn't feel like eating anymore, he has a new signal of trying to squirm out of the chair! This means that until he has grown into it, he cannot! be left alone in it, even if he is tied in it.
Whenever I tie Jonathan into a chair, either to eat or in the car or stroller he is always protesting. I guess I can relate, no one likes being tied down... but this is for his safety. So, each time I dutifully explain that the belt is for his own good and even use some of Israel's newest drive safe slogans... that clicking (the car seat belt shutter) is cool! Or that we always drive with a seatbelt on...etc. You can never start too early...
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
The Sick Circle
You may have wondered shy I did not blog last week, well, I had a cold! In fact we all are still sick, Jonathan, my husband and I can become a coughing orchestra! Especially at night! The doctors said it's just a virus and we have to wait it out! So there is no treatment and unfortunately it still keeps us all up at night!
Every family with small children must have had to go through the “Sick Circle”. A member of the family catches a cold and then all the others get the disease as if by turn. First child No. 3 then daddy, then child No.1 then mom and then child number 2 and then daddy again, and then mom again and so the circle goes on! Children that attend a kindergarten tend to get sick more often, because the “Sick Circle” also wreaks havoc in groups of children, with germs freely passed on from child to child. (No matter how clean the kindergarten is, there is no preventing babies from snatching pacifiers from each other and stuffing them in their mouths, germs and all...).
There is nothing more annoying for a woman than a sick husband! Men suffer so when they are sick. For a mother this is doubly annoying because when the father is sick there is no chance for any assistance with the kids. A virus brings down a grown man with very little effort! Sick men are so centered in how bad they are feeling that nothing else counts. Just this week my husband got a nasty cold (yes, I admit it was nasty) and informed me that should he die, I must promise him that Jonathan would still see his grandparents (explanation: my husband's parents live in Germany whereas we live in Israel). I naturally made the promise, but this did not lesser my husbands acute sufferings...coughing and blowing one's nose regularly is not pleasant (but neither is it life threatening...)
The only situation that is harder than living with a man who has a cold is having one yourself at the same time! When a man is sick, all that matters to him is his swollen nose. If his wife happens to suffer the same symptoms at the same time, he still thinks he has it worse! As a mother, even though all I wanted to do is lye down I had to care for my boy as I do every evening! Feeding, bathing and playing are the order of the day! And my husband just slouches on the couch, totally centered in how bad he is feeling! With Jonathan also sick, you can add a bit of concern to my difficulties.
The positive thing is that Jonathan is absolutely adorable! Even when he is sick he is happy and playful! And so, even if I have no voice to greet him in the morning (lost it coughing the night before...) I am still greeted with the biggest of smiles when I come to his bedroom in the morning. The boy is all happiness! The sun is shining and the birds are singing in his world because mommy is here! The occasional cough just does not seem to bother him as much as it bothers me that he coughs! Jonathan is taking his sickness lightly, making it a lot easier for me to care for him. In such moments as these I believe adults have a lot to learn from their children. I fear that as a member of the male sex the wonderful characteristic of Jonathan's (having a good mood even when he is sick) will eventually disappear, after all my son will also one day be a man, and sick men are insufferable! (Have I already mentioned that?) My only hope is that then his wife will be stuck with a man who has a cold...
Every family with small children must have had to go through the “Sick Circle”. A member of the family catches a cold and then all the others get the disease as if by turn. First child No. 3 then daddy, then child No.1 then mom and then child number 2 and then daddy again, and then mom again and so the circle goes on! Children that attend a kindergarten tend to get sick more often, because the “Sick Circle” also wreaks havoc in groups of children, with germs freely passed on from child to child. (No matter how clean the kindergarten is, there is no preventing babies from snatching pacifiers from each other and stuffing them in their mouths, germs and all...).
There is nothing more annoying for a woman than a sick husband! Men suffer so when they are sick. For a mother this is doubly annoying because when the father is sick there is no chance for any assistance with the kids. A virus brings down a grown man with very little effort! Sick men are so centered in how bad they are feeling that nothing else counts. Just this week my husband got a nasty cold (yes, I admit it was nasty) and informed me that should he die, I must promise him that Jonathan would still see his grandparents (explanation: my husband's parents live in Germany whereas we live in Israel). I naturally made the promise, but this did not lesser my husbands acute sufferings...coughing and blowing one's nose regularly is not pleasant (but neither is it life threatening...)
The only situation that is harder than living with a man who has a cold is having one yourself at the same time! When a man is sick, all that matters to him is his swollen nose. If his wife happens to suffer the same symptoms at the same time, he still thinks he has it worse! As a mother, even though all I wanted to do is lye down I had to care for my boy as I do every evening! Feeding, bathing and playing are the order of the day! And my husband just slouches on the couch, totally centered in how bad he is feeling! With Jonathan also sick, you can add a bit of concern to my difficulties.
The positive thing is that Jonathan is absolutely adorable! Even when he is sick he is happy and playful! And so, even if I have no voice to greet him in the morning (lost it coughing the night before...) I am still greeted with the biggest of smiles when I come to his bedroom in the morning. The boy is all happiness! The sun is shining and the birds are singing in his world because mommy is here! The occasional cough just does not seem to bother him as much as it bothers me that he coughs! Jonathan is taking his sickness lightly, making it a lot easier for me to care for him. In such moments as these I believe adults have a lot to learn from their children. I fear that as a member of the male sex the wonderful characteristic of Jonathan's (having a good mood even when he is sick) will eventually disappear, after all my son will also one day be a man, and sick men are insufferable! (Have I already mentioned that?) My only hope is that then his wife will be stuck with a man who has a cold...
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Jonathan and the world of No!
Baby Jonathan is already 8 months old and must now learn the meaning of the word “No”. As he moves about the house with a tendency ti tear every object from its place (or from itself...especially books) we, his parents, chase him about and forbid him to touch certain items, in a desperate attempt to save our belongings...
And so our son has begun to hear the word No! Repeatedly. The more he learns to move about, the more he needs to understand that he is not allowed to touch everything. My mother claims Jonathan is the first of her grandchildren (she has three) that causes damage in his wake! I find that hard to believe, don\t all babies touch everything within their reach just out of curiosity? Well, Jonathan certainly does. So, as he gets more mobile, so do we! I watch what he does and if he goes towards forbidden territory (or item) such as daddy's comic books or the garbage, I raise my voice and firmly say No! After all we cannot raise everything of some value out of his reach, we simply have too much stuff to do that.
At first he just looked up and laughed at me, clearly not understanding what on earth I wanted and glad to get the attention. However, after a few days it began to become clearer that he does understand something is wrong. After all mommy's tone is not a happy and light singsong when she says No! Its short, loud and firm!
One hot day, Jonathan was crawling away in the living room and going directly towards the small ventilator distributing cooling wind. I guess I can understand why he thought this object was interesting, but on the other hand his fingers could get caught in it...so I have to watch out and not let him touch it. I went closer to him and said a firm No!. He looked at me, this time not laughing, and seriously inspected me (what is wrong with mommy, she isn't smiling now) so I repeated a bot louder, No! He raised his eyebrows and curved his lips to show me he doesn't like this kind of tone, his face showed me he was upset and about to cry, Now I knew! He clearly understood me! He just did not like being forbidden to do as he pleases, nor did he like the negative tone in my voice. I repeated my firm No! A third time. This time Jonathan's lips practically began to quiver, giving me one last chance before he was to start crying...but although I was laughing now, he was just being so adorable with his all to saddened face, I stood firm and repeated one last loudly serious No! And then he began to cry!
Certain that he understood what I wanted I removed him from the ventilator, explaining it is dangerous and could hurt him (you will get Ouch! If you touch that) and then gave him something to play with in a distance. He soon calmed down.
The ladies at the daycare center have told me that they too have to explain to Jonathan that he cannot run the place! Jonathan likes to go to the room of the older children and toss out the contents of the drawers (or so I am told). He particularity likes doing this when its changing time! This is of course disturbing for the ladies that are changing the diapers in that room. And so, the lady in charge of the younger kids n the group has taken to forbid Jonathan to go to the changing room! Only he disobeys this command! (or so I am told). Testing his leverage with his care takers, Jonathan crawls deliberately towards the forbidden room at changing time, until he reaches the door. Once he is there he sits down and then looks back to the room where he should be playing, searching for the care taker. Once he finds her (and she again tells him No! that he may not continue towards the desired changing room) he starts to inch towards the forbidden room on his butt, sitting. This little game continues until the care taker comes to take him away from the door. You have to admit my boy is once smart and cheeky fellow!
We try not to forbid too much, he should have his freedom to roam and explore. We locked away almost all the dangerous things, like detergents and chemicals, and are working on locking up the bar and other breakable things wile leaving plastic boxes and pots accessible, along with books and toys. Cables have been tucked away and electric sockets protected. Expensive items placed on higher shelves. In fact we say that our life style has risen – as in everything is placed higher up, because of Jonathan (in Hebrew this little word play works in a funny double meaning). We cannot make our home full proof but we hope it is safe enough, just as we hope it also will remain interesting for him to roam about! And as for Jonathan, his role is to test his boundaries (and ours) and learn to navigate the world of No!
And so our son has begun to hear the word No! Repeatedly. The more he learns to move about, the more he needs to understand that he is not allowed to touch everything. My mother claims Jonathan is the first of her grandchildren (she has three) that causes damage in his wake! I find that hard to believe, don\t all babies touch everything within their reach just out of curiosity? Well, Jonathan certainly does. So, as he gets more mobile, so do we! I watch what he does and if he goes towards forbidden territory (or item) such as daddy's comic books or the garbage, I raise my voice and firmly say No! After all we cannot raise everything of some value out of his reach, we simply have too much stuff to do that.
At first he just looked up and laughed at me, clearly not understanding what on earth I wanted and glad to get the attention. However, after a few days it began to become clearer that he does understand something is wrong. After all mommy's tone is not a happy and light singsong when she says No! Its short, loud and firm!
One hot day, Jonathan was crawling away in the living room and going directly towards the small ventilator distributing cooling wind. I guess I can understand why he thought this object was interesting, but on the other hand his fingers could get caught in it...so I have to watch out and not let him touch it. I went closer to him and said a firm No!. He looked at me, this time not laughing, and seriously inspected me (what is wrong with mommy, she isn't smiling now) so I repeated a bot louder, No! He raised his eyebrows and curved his lips to show me he doesn't like this kind of tone, his face showed me he was upset and about to cry, Now I knew! He clearly understood me! He just did not like being forbidden to do as he pleases, nor did he like the negative tone in my voice. I repeated my firm No! A third time. This time Jonathan's lips practically began to quiver, giving me one last chance before he was to start crying...but although I was laughing now, he was just being so adorable with his all to saddened face, I stood firm and repeated one last loudly serious No! And then he began to cry!
Certain that he understood what I wanted I removed him from the ventilator, explaining it is dangerous and could hurt him (you will get Ouch! If you touch that) and then gave him something to play with in a distance. He soon calmed down.
The ladies at the daycare center have told me that they too have to explain to Jonathan that he cannot run the place! Jonathan likes to go to the room of the older children and toss out the contents of the drawers (or so I am told). He particularity likes doing this when its changing time! This is of course disturbing for the ladies that are changing the diapers in that room. And so, the lady in charge of the younger kids n the group has taken to forbid Jonathan to go to the changing room! Only he disobeys this command! (or so I am told). Testing his leverage with his care takers, Jonathan crawls deliberately towards the forbidden room at changing time, until he reaches the door. Once he is there he sits down and then looks back to the room where he should be playing, searching for the care taker. Once he finds her (and she again tells him No! that he may not continue towards the desired changing room) he starts to inch towards the forbidden room on his butt, sitting. This little game continues until the care taker comes to take him away from the door. You have to admit my boy is once smart and cheeky fellow!
We try not to forbid too much, he should have his freedom to roam and explore. We locked away almost all the dangerous things, like detergents and chemicals, and are working on locking up the bar and other breakable things wile leaving plastic boxes and pots accessible, along with books and toys. Cables have been tucked away and electric sockets protected. Expensive items placed on higher shelves. In fact we say that our life style has risen – as in everything is placed higher up, because of Jonathan (in Hebrew this little word play works in a funny double meaning). We cannot make our home full proof but we hope it is safe enough, just as we hope it also will remain interesting for him to roam about! And as for Jonathan, his role is to test his boundaries (and ours) and learn to navigate the world of No!
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