I guess it really takes a deep culture to develop certain habits. Not to mention that it helps if one is not a lazybone and bad morning person...
Just last month , my husband's sister came for a visit. She stayed 10 days. Anyone who has ever lived in German will asses that breakfast is an important meal there. Accordingly, my sister in law made a point of eating a healthy breakfast each morning. Jonathan seams delighted with the idea and gladly joined his aunt in the morning ceremony. And so, they ate cereals together every morning.(before this visit I sometimes gave Jonathan some cereal in a plastic bag – for the road, but there was no real breakfast – not surprising really, as my husband and I do not normally partake in this meal). A little cuddling after breakfast seamed just as natural and enjoyable for both aunt and nephew... During her visit Jonathan came late to kindergarten...
After the said aunt left, I decided to take a leaf from her book and try to establish the breakfast habit that was born from her visit. I dutifully set the cereals for Jonathan on the table and we ate together after we were dressed and only then did we leave for kindergarten. The habit lasted just one week! And this time it was not because of me! Jonathan lost interest!
My son, like his parents likes his sleep in the morning and does not have patience for breakfast. Nor does he mind leaving the house quickly. And so we are back to our old ways. We get us and get ready to go quickly and sometimes Jonathan gets a bag of cereal in addition to the morning bottle he takes for the road (a five minute walk around the corner to the kindergarten). And yes, I know how important breakfast is supposedly...
Monday, December 28, 2009
The Fears of a Traveling Parent
Its been almost a month since I returned from a 10 day business trip, and only now I am ready to write about my fears. I did fly once before for a weekend and was gone for three days – but this time it was a longer trip and my conscience played the mamba on the strings of my sole.
As I prepared for a 10 day trip abroad for business, I kept wondering exactly how long is Jonathan's memory. At almost two years of age, he was always showing us more surprising evidence of what he learns and remembers. He is especially good at navigating (just last weekend he took me to a house of another boy his age. He wanted to visit his friend and simply knew the way...). I was always wondering if he would forget me because of a long absence. Would he reject me? Oh! Just the thought pierced my sole.
There was also my husband. He was to remain home with Jonathan for 10 days straight! Alone!
I would be lying if I would write that I was not concerned. Not that I do not think my husband can care for the boy – of course he can! My concern was more for Jonathan's routine. In our household I am the stricter parent when it comes to routine. My husband is more easy going.
When my husband traveled abroad for 14 days two weeks before my trip, it took Jonathan about a day and a half to get used to him again when he returned, even though it was clear that Jonathan never forgot his daddy. During the time my husband was away, Jonathan stuck to me like glue (even more than usual)- it was as if he was feeling the loss of one parent (his absent father) and was thus guarding the remaining care giver (his mommy) with special care. He basically did not let me out of his sight and followed me wherever I went when we were together. It was because of this that I called on my mother and brother to visit and relieve my husband a little during my absence. This way, I hoped to compensate Jonathan for his absent mommy by supplying alternative sources of love. They both dutifully came and Jonathan got a little family TLC .
I dutifully called every evening to speak to him and insisted that he hear my voice. My husband was always happy to hear my voice and talk to me, but not so my son who did not want to talk on the phone. As the days went by, Jonathan rejected the phone more aggressively and my heart broke. I was already imagining that he would simply turn his back on me when I came back.
What actually happened was that the moment he saw me he hugged me and immediately sat on my lap and we watched DVD together the whole morning (I took him to kindergarten late that day – another compensation, trying to make up for the “together time” lost). The only problem we had was a renewed difficulty to separate from me, when I took him to kindergarten in the following days . The solution was that for a while my husband took him in the mornings to ease the separation process. Only now, after a month, I am seeing that he once again has no problem when coming to kindergarten in the morning – and even if he still does not like it that I leave he loves the care givers there and plays and is a happy and thriving boy!
Even as I was preparing for the trip it was obvious that everything will be OK. That the only party to suffer anything at all from thew trip is me. Ironically, the chances are that Jonathan will not remember the time that I was away (he is too small) when he is older. It is I who will always remember all the doubts and fears associated with the trip!
As I prepared for a 10 day trip abroad for business, I kept wondering exactly how long is Jonathan's memory. At almost two years of age, he was always showing us more surprising evidence of what he learns and remembers. He is especially good at navigating (just last weekend he took me to a house of another boy his age. He wanted to visit his friend and simply knew the way...). I was always wondering if he would forget me because of a long absence. Would he reject me? Oh! Just the thought pierced my sole.
There was also my husband. He was to remain home with Jonathan for 10 days straight! Alone!
I would be lying if I would write that I was not concerned. Not that I do not think my husband can care for the boy – of course he can! My concern was more for Jonathan's routine. In our household I am the stricter parent when it comes to routine. My husband is more easy going.
When my husband traveled abroad for 14 days two weeks before my trip, it took Jonathan about a day and a half to get used to him again when he returned, even though it was clear that Jonathan never forgot his daddy. During the time my husband was away, Jonathan stuck to me like glue (even more than usual)- it was as if he was feeling the loss of one parent (his absent father) and was thus guarding the remaining care giver (his mommy) with special care. He basically did not let me out of his sight and followed me wherever I went when we were together. It was because of this that I called on my mother and brother to visit and relieve my husband a little during my absence. This way, I hoped to compensate Jonathan for his absent mommy by supplying alternative sources of love. They both dutifully came and Jonathan got a little family TLC .
I dutifully called every evening to speak to him and insisted that he hear my voice. My husband was always happy to hear my voice and talk to me, but not so my son who did not want to talk on the phone. As the days went by, Jonathan rejected the phone more aggressively and my heart broke. I was already imagining that he would simply turn his back on me when I came back.
What actually happened was that the moment he saw me he hugged me and immediately sat on my lap and we watched DVD together the whole morning (I took him to kindergarten late that day – another compensation, trying to make up for the “together time” lost). The only problem we had was a renewed difficulty to separate from me, when I took him to kindergarten in the following days . The solution was that for a while my husband took him in the mornings to ease the separation process. Only now, after a month, I am seeing that he once again has no problem when coming to kindergarten in the morning – and even if he still does not like it that I leave he loves the care givers there and plays and is a happy and thriving boy!
Even as I was preparing for the trip it was obvious that everything will be OK. That the only party to suffer anything at all from thew trip is me. Ironically, the chances are that Jonathan will not remember the time that I was away (he is too small) when he is older. It is I who will always remember all the doubts and fears associated with the trip!
A Matter of Choice
As a toddler grows, so does he wish to be more independent. Each baby has his/her own way of challenging parents in the strife for independence – Jonathan way is being the king of choice.
Actually, the books say that choice is a very good thing for a two year old (the books say nothing about the wellbeing of the parents though...). Giving your little one a choice is a way to show your child that you trust them and want them to share in the burden of decision making. In taking part in such activity they build a strong self esteem and are supposedly more assured and happier.
Jonathan loves to choose, and I have discovered it is indeed easier if I let him choose – all within certain limits of course. For example: we use Pampers because this is more or less the only diaper big enough for Jonathan, but Pampers have different animal drawings on them (unlike Huggies, that are also big enough but all diapers in one package have the same drawing – usually Disney...but mommy did not choose Huggies...). So Jonathan wants to select which animals he may use as underwear each morning... At first the diaper drawer was full and Jonathan would turn over 10 diapers and make a big mess, until I lost my temper. It took me three days to think of a solution, but then I came up with the ingenious idea of hiding our diapers stock and putting only two units in the drawer that Jonathan knows as the “diaper depot”. This way he gets to choose between two units (and even returns the unchosen nappy to its place – he insists on returning it) and I get some peace. He also chooses his shirts, socks and trousers – this time its more difficult, because there are more than two options to choose from for each item.
The song says “Three is a magic number” and I admit being a family with one child is indeed magical, even if albeit hard work. But in the case of a two year old, two is definitely the magic number – two nappies to choose from, two pairs of shoes to choose from - two fruit juice flavors to choose from, chocolate or milk – two powders to choose from.
We have about 20 DVD's that are intended for children and are all located together in one box – so as there are more than two – we have a big mess and Jonathan has fun making it. Jonathan is always wanting to change the DVD that is playing – I have tried offering only two (or 4 DVD's) and yet he insists on having the whole box to choose from. I think what really turns him on in this case is operating the DVD player, and not so much choosing what will be played.
Jonathan has also two parents he can choose from – and he chooses where he feels he will get the best deal. If I do not allow something he will run to my husband and try again...
Like any two year old he has a preference for mommy, but the way I see it – when he is old enough to play soccer, my golden era will be over and his daddy (and grandpa) will be the star(s) of his life – that is until friends take our place...
Jonathan also has two languages to choose from. And it seams more clear as the days go by that he really does understands that there are indeed two separate languages; Hebrew and German. His father takes him once a week to a German speaking play group and we hope this will strengthen his German skills. After all, as Jonathan is growing up in Israel, he is surrounded by Hebrew speakers (kindergarten, family etc.) and German is connected only to his father who speaks it with him. I also speak German but only when I am with both my husband and Jonathan (other wise I speak Hebrew to the boy). Jonathan has already used a few words in German – mostly counting to three and protesting and saying no! (nein) when he disagrees with his father. If saying no in Hebrew does not work, he will try it in German – no matter with whom he is speaking. Jonathan is making the most of his choices in this case. (There is one word he has adopted from English – mouse, as in Micky mouse, he got it off a Children's DVD.)
Jonathan has also two favorite themes which he likes to talk about – animals and numbers. Again its all a matter of choice and two is indeed a magical source of options.
One of the clear choices Jonathan made recently was to choose to no longer sleep in a baby bed. One day he simply started laying down to sleep on the mattress I usually used to lie near him until he fell asleep (in the baby bed). And so we both lied don the floor together and read together and sang together until he slept. Therefore, we recently purchased Jonathan a bed for big kids, so now there are two mattresses to choose from. Jonathan has chosen to sleep on the lower one. At first I lifted him up to the higher one and then closed the lower mattress (its an opening bed for friends, and for parents that must stick around in the middle of the night...) but eventually I accepted his choice and even find it a bit safer – should he roll off the bed, he will only “drop” 20 cm from the lower mattress. IF he wakes me up in the middle of the night, then I sometimes lie (and fall asleep) on the higher mattress to be near him in comfort.
We even have two books we take to bed when Jonathan goes to sleep. One is a classical children's story about 5 balloons that I grew up with and Jonathan loves to tell me himself – by mimicking parts of the story (he still does not really talk except single words and syllables and distortions, no sentences). And another is a book with animal pictures, we have a song for each animal (did I mention he loves animals?). My Jonathan loves to sing! He sings better than he talks and he learns words from the songs. Just like in the ABBA song...
This singing and story telling time in the evening is some of the best “quality time” my son and I spend together, and yet I must shorten it, as I wish to teach Jonathan to put himself to sleep – in the hope that this way he will be board and will fall asleep faster. Today was the first trial and Jonathan chose to get out of bed and call us again and again, until my husband gave in and came to sit with him until he fell asleep – but we hope he will get the hang of it soon – after all this is one of choices his parents are making for him...
Actually, the books say that choice is a very good thing for a two year old (the books say nothing about the wellbeing of the parents though...). Giving your little one a choice is a way to show your child that you trust them and want them to share in the burden of decision making. In taking part in such activity they build a strong self esteem and are supposedly more assured and happier.
Jonathan loves to choose, and I have discovered it is indeed easier if I let him choose – all within certain limits of course. For example: we use Pampers because this is more or less the only diaper big enough for Jonathan, but Pampers have different animal drawings on them (unlike Huggies, that are also big enough but all diapers in one package have the same drawing – usually Disney...but mommy did not choose Huggies...). So Jonathan wants to select which animals he may use as underwear each morning... At first the diaper drawer was full and Jonathan would turn over 10 diapers and make a big mess, until I lost my temper. It took me three days to think of a solution, but then I came up with the ingenious idea of hiding our diapers stock and putting only two units in the drawer that Jonathan knows as the “diaper depot”. This way he gets to choose between two units (and even returns the unchosen nappy to its place – he insists on returning it) and I get some peace. He also chooses his shirts, socks and trousers – this time its more difficult, because there are more than two options to choose from for each item.
The song says “Three is a magic number” and I admit being a family with one child is indeed magical, even if albeit hard work. But in the case of a two year old, two is definitely the magic number – two nappies to choose from, two pairs of shoes to choose from - two fruit juice flavors to choose from, chocolate or milk – two powders to choose from.
We have about 20 DVD's that are intended for children and are all located together in one box – so as there are more than two – we have a big mess and Jonathan has fun making it. Jonathan is always wanting to change the DVD that is playing – I have tried offering only two (or 4 DVD's) and yet he insists on having the whole box to choose from. I think what really turns him on in this case is operating the DVD player, and not so much choosing what will be played.
Jonathan has also two parents he can choose from – and he chooses where he feels he will get the best deal. If I do not allow something he will run to my husband and try again...
Like any two year old he has a preference for mommy, but the way I see it – when he is old enough to play soccer, my golden era will be over and his daddy (and grandpa) will be the star(s) of his life – that is until friends take our place...
Jonathan also has two languages to choose from. And it seams more clear as the days go by that he really does understands that there are indeed two separate languages; Hebrew and German. His father takes him once a week to a German speaking play group and we hope this will strengthen his German skills. After all, as Jonathan is growing up in Israel, he is surrounded by Hebrew speakers (kindergarten, family etc.) and German is connected only to his father who speaks it with him. I also speak German but only when I am with both my husband and Jonathan (other wise I speak Hebrew to the boy). Jonathan has already used a few words in German – mostly counting to three and protesting and saying no! (nein) when he disagrees with his father. If saying no in Hebrew does not work, he will try it in German – no matter with whom he is speaking. Jonathan is making the most of his choices in this case. (There is one word he has adopted from English – mouse, as in Micky mouse, he got it off a Children's DVD.)
Jonathan has also two favorite themes which he likes to talk about – animals and numbers. Again its all a matter of choice and two is indeed a magical source of options.
One of the clear choices Jonathan made recently was to choose to no longer sleep in a baby bed. One day he simply started laying down to sleep on the mattress I usually used to lie near him until he fell asleep (in the baby bed). And so we both lied don the floor together and read together and sang together until he slept. Therefore, we recently purchased Jonathan a bed for big kids, so now there are two mattresses to choose from. Jonathan has chosen to sleep on the lower one. At first I lifted him up to the higher one and then closed the lower mattress (its an opening bed for friends, and for parents that must stick around in the middle of the night...) but eventually I accepted his choice and even find it a bit safer – should he roll off the bed, he will only “drop” 20 cm from the lower mattress. IF he wakes me up in the middle of the night, then I sometimes lie (and fall asleep) on the higher mattress to be near him in comfort.
We even have two books we take to bed when Jonathan goes to sleep. One is a classical children's story about 5 balloons that I grew up with and Jonathan loves to tell me himself – by mimicking parts of the story (he still does not really talk except single words and syllables and distortions, no sentences). And another is a book with animal pictures, we have a song for each animal (did I mention he loves animals?). My Jonathan loves to sing! He sings better than he talks and he learns words from the songs. Just like in the ABBA song...
This singing and story telling time in the evening is some of the best “quality time” my son and I spend together, and yet I must shorten it, as I wish to teach Jonathan to put himself to sleep – in the hope that this way he will be board and will fall asleep faster. Today was the first trial and Jonathan chose to get out of bed and call us again and again, until my husband gave in and came to sit with him until he fell asleep – but we hope he will get the hang of it soon – after all this is one of choices his parents are making for him...
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Purchasing Phases
When you first have a baby, you have no true idea of the economic duty you have just taken upon yourself. Then you spend and buy for the new infant and once you have everything arranged (see list blog from 2008) you thinks its over! But no! The baby grows and you are rushing to purchase yet again...
Your baby's life cycle determines your expenses. Just when you think you have finished buying all the stuff your baby needs they have grown and need new stuff. And I believe this will go on until they are fully grown! And even afterwards...
The purchasing phases I have discovered so far:
1 - The newborn: baby bed, cabinet, trolley/stroller – these are the big items! Smaller things – like clothes (you will always have to buy some, even if you are collecting from friends) bottles and diapers top it all off. Clothes and diapers are a continuous phase (see below).
2 – Eating solids: now you have to buy bigger bottles but also solid foods, organic vegetables to cook and grind and of course the baby chair. Clothes are also of a bigger size, as are diapers – which are becoming more expensive (the clever diapers manufacturers do not change the price of the package they just lower the number of diapers it contains!).
3 – First shoes: you can buy the cute little slippers but soon they are too small and you need to buy another pair. Season changes are no help when it comes to the frequency of purchasing toddler shoes. Once you start with the shoes – its a continuous phase (see below).
4 – The big boy's/girl's bed – we have now just gone through this phase. The baby bed is not longer relevant and an investment made just 24 months ago is now sunk cost! In our case, the baby bed has moved on to my sister and it may be returned to us in the future when a new baby causes us to start the cycle again (anything you get as a gift or collect second hand is pure saving because nothing lasts in a baby's life for too long – their needs change – hence the purchasing phases...). We now bought a new bed, but this is not the only new thing to this phase – bed covers are required, enough so we can change them often because he might still wet his bed (now due to over-filled diapers and soon due to his potty training) and plastic protecting covers (did I mention wetting the bed?) and blankets, and new pajamas (its Winter and Jonathan is bigger...last years PJ's and baby blanket just will no longer do).
5 – Potty training: diapers are still in full swing but a toilet seat is required and so are pant like expensive diapers. Diapers will remain with us for the night time for some time to come but their consumption will eventually be reduced. We already purchased the toilet seat for toddlers because Jonathan is showing interest in it, but true potty training is planned for the Spring (he can then run about naked in the warm weather – I will save on detergents and water due to less washing).
This is as far as I have come...
Continuous phases
A - Clothes – season changes and a growing toddler mean you cannot collect or receive 100% of the clothes you require.
B - Shoes are also a frustrating investment because at the age of 2 they only last for an average of 3-4 months – the boy grows and his feet grow with him...
C - Toys too are a continuing investment and relevant for about 6 months – different development phases require new and more challenging toys as the toddler grows. The only bright light in the toy tunnel is that a two year old can find a new born baby toy totally fascinating, after all he has not seen such a thing for two years – hence it is innovative for him (in his fast paced world anything as new as 6 months is boring and familiar – but older stuff is vintage...).
I am sure there are more phases, but I need to determine them first. One thing I am now sure about – above the age of 1.5 years – one has nothing to do in a focused baby shop! Your toddler needs stuff you can find anywhere but there!
May the university tutorage payment be the last phase...
ahh, my parents are still spending on me, via Jonathan of course...
Your baby's life cycle determines your expenses. Just when you think you have finished buying all the stuff your baby needs they have grown and need new stuff. And I believe this will go on until they are fully grown! And even afterwards...
The purchasing phases I have discovered so far:
1 - The newborn: baby bed, cabinet, trolley/stroller – these are the big items! Smaller things – like clothes (you will always have to buy some, even if you are collecting from friends) bottles and diapers top it all off. Clothes and diapers are a continuous phase (see below).
2 – Eating solids: now you have to buy bigger bottles but also solid foods, organic vegetables to cook and grind and of course the baby chair. Clothes are also of a bigger size, as are diapers – which are becoming more expensive (the clever diapers manufacturers do not change the price of the package they just lower the number of diapers it contains!).
3 – First shoes: you can buy the cute little slippers but soon they are too small and you need to buy another pair. Season changes are no help when it comes to the frequency of purchasing toddler shoes. Once you start with the shoes – its a continuous phase (see below).
4 – The big boy's/girl's bed – we have now just gone through this phase. The baby bed is not longer relevant and an investment made just 24 months ago is now sunk cost! In our case, the baby bed has moved on to my sister and it may be returned to us in the future when a new baby causes us to start the cycle again (anything you get as a gift or collect second hand is pure saving because nothing lasts in a baby's life for too long – their needs change – hence the purchasing phases...). We now bought a new bed, but this is not the only new thing to this phase – bed covers are required, enough so we can change them often because he might still wet his bed (now due to over-filled diapers and soon due to his potty training) and plastic protecting covers (did I mention wetting the bed?) and blankets, and new pajamas (its Winter and Jonathan is bigger...last years PJ's and baby blanket just will no longer do).
5 – Potty training: diapers are still in full swing but a toilet seat is required and so are pant like expensive diapers. Diapers will remain with us for the night time for some time to come but their consumption will eventually be reduced. We already purchased the toilet seat for toddlers because Jonathan is showing interest in it, but true potty training is planned for the Spring (he can then run about naked in the warm weather – I will save on detergents and water due to less washing).
This is as far as I have come...
Continuous phases
A - Clothes – season changes and a growing toddler mean you cannot collect or receive 100% of the clothes you require.
B - Shoes are also a frustrating investment because at the age of 2 they only last for an average of 3-4 months – the boy grows and his feet grow with him...
C - Toys too are a continuing investment and relevant for about 6 months – different development phases require new and more challenging toys as the toddler grows. The only bright light in the toy tunnel is that a two year old can find a new born baby toy totally fascinating, after all he has not seen such a thing for two years – hence it is innovative for him (in his fast paced world anything as new as 6 months is boring and familiar – but older stuff is vintage...).
I am sure there are more phases, but I need to determine them first. One thing I am now sure about – above the age of 1.5 years – one has nothing to do in a focused baby shop! Your toddler needs stuff you can find anywhere but there!
May the university tutorage payment be the last phase...
ahh, my parents are still spending on me, via Jonathan of course...
Possession
I am not sure that Jonathan has an understanding of the idea of presents, he has just turned 2 years old and we gave him a birthday party. He loves tearing the paper off the packages, but there is no added value to the gift itself, after all, from Jonathan's point of view, he owns the entire world anyway, especially his mommy...
Possession is a simple concept for toddlers, what they are strong enough to take, is theirs to enjoy! This is true for games and toys (shoving other kids out of the way in the grabbing process) and for food (anything mom or dad or grandma eat is legally the child's property and is immediately confiscated by said child, and indeed given up by said parents/relatives).
This is doubly true for mommy – a toddler has exclusive ownership of their mother – at least in their eyes – and siblings and cousins are irrelevant! Climbing on my back at any time, pulling me about so that I will join him in any part of the house or any activity he is undertaking is all routine to Jonathan. Grabbing at my glasses or my clothes and shoving items under my shirt (and fondling me when trying to then pull them out) is all normal daily activity to him – after all, as a first child, “we are the king!”.
I admit I enjoy his climbing escapades and allow them. I try to put some limit to his peeping under my shirt and absolutely forbid him to hit me (which he does under protest, like all toddlers) so we do have some borders. Even though I am his! From his point of view and to be honest also from mine (his daddy however definitely does not share this opinion...).
My sister has just had a baby, a daughter who is now two months old. At last an opportunity has come, in which I am not too sick (a true Winter problem for parents – always a running nose somewhere in the family) and I could hold my new niece in my arms. I sat with her on my lap, just this last weekend in a family get-together. I enjoyed the new baby smell and the baby's mom enjoyed a break. The only unsatisfied party in the room was Jonathan.
As long as my niece is in her baby pen, Jonathan loves to look at her and instruct everyone to be quiet in her vicinity (finger to lips and shushing noises). But as soon as the “little startup” has dared to invade his property, and locate herself on HIS mommy's lap (actually the little baby was a passive party and I was to blame for this scandalous location) then all is fair in love and war!
While I was trying to encourage Jonathan to stroke and cuddle the baby, which he did, and to say “baby” in Hebrew, which he did, he was continuously pulling at the little girl's sleeve, trying to literally remove her from my lap. I naturally did not permit this and hence we were in a curious pulling war for a few minutes – Jonathan pulling at the baby and I pulling his arm away from her.
My sister, concerned for her new baby offered to take her away – I insisted at first that she remain where she is, after all, Jonathan should learn to accept other babies on my lap – or his future siblings (whenever they come to the world, and no, no plans or little secrets to hide) have no chance of a little TLC. If he cannot learn on a mere cousin, what will it be like with a sibling?
My older sister said her boy was just as jealous when he was two (said boy is now 8 years old). After all cousins and babies of friends are the “good guys” because they are temporary disturbances in the toddler's world. Its all over when one returns home alone with mommy and daddy! Yippee! Its the siblings (siblkings?) that are a constant problem (hence the so called“bad guys”) and which cause true and sometimes violent jealousy attacks.
Eventually I decided to end the training session and gave the baby back to its mother. My lap was now empty and everything in Jonathan's world seamed to have returned to normal. He was however not happy until he came and gave me a big hug, immediately after the baby was removed from me – testing 100% that the space is indeed free again. His so obvious relief at this new found space, and his staying in a hugging position for some time, all contributed to our glee at the irony of the entire situation and my sisters, mother, and I had a good laugh. Jonathan's sigh of relief was the cream on top of our cake....
Possession is a simple concept for toddlers, what they are strong enough to take, is theirs to enjoy! This is true for games and toys (shoving other kids out of the way in the grabbing process) and for food (anything mom or dad or grandma eat is legally the child's property and is immediately confiscated by said child, and indeed given up by said parents/relatives).
This is doubly true for mommy – a toddler has exclusive ownership of their mother – at least in their eyes – and siblings and cousins are irrelevant! Climbing on my back at any time, pulling me about so that I will join him in any part of the house or any activity he is undertaking is all routine to Jonathan. Grabbing at my glasses or my clothes and shoving items under my shirt (and fondling me when trying to then pull them out) is all normal daily activity to him – after all, as a first child, “we are the king!”.
I admit I enjoy his climbing escapades and allow them. I try to put some limit to his peeping under my shirt and absolutely forbid him to hit me (which he does under protest, like all toddlers) so we do have some borders. Even though I am his! From his point of view and to be honest also from mine (his daddy however definitely does not share this opinion...).
My sister has just had a baby, a daughter who is now two months old. At last an opportunity has come, in which I am not too sick (a true Winter problem for parents – always a running nose somewhere in the family) and I could hold my new niece in my arms. I sat with her on my lap, just this last weekend in a family get-together. I enjoyed the new baby smell and the baby's mom enjoyed a break. The only unsatisfied party in the room was Jonathan.
As long as my niece is in her baby pen, Jonathan loves to look at her and instruct everyone to be quiet in her vicinity (finger to lips and shushing noises). But as soon as the “little startup” has dared to invade his property, and locate herself on HIS mommy's lap (actually the little baby was a passive party and I was to blame for this scandalous location) then all is fair in love and war!
While I was trying to encourage Jonathan to stroke and cuddle the baby, which he did, and to say “baby” in Hebrew, which he did, he was continuously pulling at the little girl's sleeve, trying to literally remove her from my lap. I naturally did not permit this and hence we were in a curious pulling war for a few minutes – Jonathan pulling at the baby and I pulling his arm away from her.
My sister, concerned for her new baby offered to take her away – I insisted at first that she remain where she is, after all, Jonathan should learn to accept other babies on my lap – or his future siblings (whenever they come to the world, and no, no plans or little secrets to hide) have no chance of a little TLC. If he cannot learn on a mere cousin, what will it be like with a sibling?
My older sister said her boy was just as jealous when he was two (said boy is now 8 years old). After all cousins and babies of friends are the “good guys” because they are temporary disturbances in the toddler's world. Its all over when one returns home alone with mommy and daddy! Yippee! Its the siblings (siblkings?) that are a constant problem (hence the so called“bad guys”) and which cause true and sometimes violent jealousy attacks.
Eventually I decided to end the training session and gave the baby back to its mother. My lap was now empty and everything in Jonathan's world seamed to have returned to normal. He was however not happy until he came and gave me a big hug, immediately after the baby was removed from me – testing 100% that the space is indeed free again. His so obvious relief at this new found space, and his staying in a hugging position for some time, all contributed to our glee at the irony of the entire situation and my sisters, mother, and I had a good laugh. Jonathan's sigh of relief was the cream on top of our cake....
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