Jonathan is growing and developing constantly. He is proud to be a big boy and all “grown up” as his kindergarten teacher says. He wants to be useful and it is my job to encourage him without going nuts in the process…
Despite Jonathan’s wish to share his experiences with me on a continuous basis, and his newly revealed ability to explain himself and order me about in coherent speech, he also wants to do many more things alone. He wants to show me that he is a big boy by preparing his own chocolate drink or juice. He is also very capable. In fact, he usually manages the task of preparing his soft drinks without making a mess. He only drips syrup if I try to assist him. The amount of chocolate powder that lands on the floor is considerably lessened if I do not try to help him.
On Saturday, I left the boy along for about 10 minutes. He decided he wanted to have a birthday party. It is not clear whose birthday it was or who were to be the guests, Jonathan was serving juice for everybody! Being left to himself, he used the time to take the three types of syrup off the shelf in the kitchen, take them out to the living room along with paper cups. He arranged the cups in neat rows (about 25 of them) and the poured small portions of syrup form all three taste varieties into the cups. He did not drip even once on the floor. I spent the next 25 minutes pouring the syrup back into the bottles and removing the cups, but Jonathan was already busy changing a DVD tape and playing it for himself (did I mention he got the DVD from the higher shelves - he has no problem raiding his father’s Simpson DVD collection).
Jonathan likes to help me. He likes to set the table and put out cutlery for everyone. We spent the spring holiday with my parents and so Jonathan was able to set the table for 4 repeatedly. He truly likes to be useful. He likes to pour juice for all the people at the table – regardless if not all of them want to drink the same juice as him – we eventually compromised on two glasses in addition to his own. As always, Jonathan likes to have his own way – he wants to be helpful on his terms. When my mother wanted to pour soup and thus refused to give Jonathan the soup plates to set on the table, he was insulted that he was not permitted to be helpful. It did not help that I explained that grandma needs to serve the soup first, or that it’s too warm to allow him to distribute the bowls.
Cutting his own bread slice into halves in order to make a sandwich is also a task he is trying to master. I wonder how long it will take before he wants to dice his own schnitzel. He already wants to cut up his own omelette to smaller pieces.
Being a big by also means he can hold onto his need to go to the restrooms. He likes to pee at every tree but he prefers to poo on a toilet seat and preferably at home (or in places he knows, like a restaurant/ cafe we visit repeatedly). We were in the play ground one afternoon when he announced he needed to “do the big one” in the toilet. He also insisted on going home to do so. We ran all the way home and I encouraged him to hold on and not let the goods slip out into his pants. The trip takes about 10 minutes running and Jonathan even stopped to look at numbers and wonder at their exact quantitative meaning (a hobby I usually encourage – he is just finding out that 72 and 27 are not the same and he loves 30, 32 but keeps mixing up 6 and 8 ).
Despite such delays, the boy held firm I find it a great improvement, because until very recently he announced his need to go to the restroom at almost the last minute, sometimes not containing himself until he was properly seated. But good intentions are sometimes just not enough. As long as he was dressed and running, he managed. Even when I fumbled for my keys at the entrance to our apartment, the boy held firm. We finally go into the house and he ran directly for the toilet. Unfortunately the moment he removed his underwear, the deed was done. The bulk just slipped on the floor before Jonathan managed to seat himself and I had to do some collecting and cleaning. I believe the relief he felt in getting it all out at last prevented any frustration on his part from missing the toilet seat by less than an inch. There was however only place for compliments, as he had managed to hold it all in for so long…
Another day we were returning from the theatre when he announced he had big plumbing pressure. Once again he was able to hold it in until we got home, this time taking a dump in the toilet properly. This was a great relief to me, as I was not really able to make a stop on the way home. On another day, after we visited his communication therapist we were driving to kindergarten and he said he needed to pee. I asked him to hold on until we reached the kindergarten but he refused, insisting that the needed it immediately. As uncomfortable as it was, I found a place to stop and Jonathan did not have to hold that in for too long, I bargained with him so that I could at least get the car out of the parking lot.
I think holding in liquids is just harder for him. Besides I really do think he finds it thrilling to pee outside. Thank God he is a toddler, or his habit of peeing (whenever he needs to and regardless of his location) near any tree on the side walk would have no real excuse. Honestly though, he is getting too old for this and soon we will have to restrain this behavior. I suppose that when we stop waking him up to pee once in the middle of the night, thus ensuring his bed remains dry, is when we should also start to insist that he hold on and use a toilet also for lighter requirements… Sharing his liquids with nature is not acceptable practice.
Still, I think Jonathan is lucky to be a boy, girls have it a lot harder…release in nature is just not so comfortable for females; I speak from experience after all…
Sunday, May 1, 2011
The importance of the teddy bear
Jonathan’s speech therapy seams to finally take effect. With his improvement is conversation come also the first signs of imagination games (this is somehow connected to my understanding) . His teddy bear is playing a large role in Jonathan’s pretending games. The bear called “Dubbon” must do everything and share everything with the boy – resulting in higher frequency washing for the somewhat battered doll.
If daddy carries Jonathan on his shoulder, then Jonathan needs to carry Dubbon on his shoulders. Together the three make a very cute tower. When Jonathan is drinking, Dubbon must too. If Jonathan is sliding in the playground, so is Dubbon and when Jonathan rides his red tri-cycle, Dubbon is positioned between his legs on the seat. After Jonathan helps me prepare him a cup of chocolate drink, Dubbon must also have a cup. It remains an interesting point who eventually drinks the extra cup, Jonathan or mommy. When Jonthan is watching TV, Dubbon is seated in the plastic chair next to him watching too. When we read a bedtime story, Dubbon is also seated in mommy’s lap listening attentively. At such moments I cannot help thinking that thankfully Dubbon is rather quiet and well behaved…
Dubbon goes everywhere with him and I am in constant fear that the doll may be lost. It’s true that we have a similar doll that Jonathan has named “Teddy”, who is acceptable as a cuddling alternative when Dubbon is not around (like when he is being washed) but Jonathan is just not attached to this proxy. Whenever I let Teddy out of the drawer to take Dubbon’s place ever so temporarily, I allow Teddy to remain alongside the returned Dubbon and thus both bears remain acceptable alternatives. But two bears is too much for Jonathan to hold and its very cute to watch him try to cuddle two bears, or get them both to sit nicely in his lap for the bedtime story. After a few days I relieve him of this duty by returning Teddy to the drawer and allowing Dubbon his all too natural rule.
Teddy is just not really a replacement for Dubbon. Besides, it turns out that Teddy is a girl and Dubbon is a boy - even though the dolls have no indication of sex whatsoever. Jonathan’s interest in gender has finally surfaced and we went over the theme of pregnancy and boys and girls have different private parts rather intensively in the last month or so… The fact that my sister was 8 month pregnant at the time proved most helpful to deal with the question of “where do babies come from?” which naturally relates to the theme of boys and girls are different. I raided the book shops and purchased 6 different books in different levels to deal with any questions with colourful happy pictures and rhymes…
Jonathan also likes to share many of his activities with me, a little compulsive and dependant on mommy if you ask me - but on the other hand it can be so gratifying to be so needed. He wants to sit in my chair and demands that we change places. Then he remembers that the chair I am using is actually his, so we change back. He shares his food with me, even feeds me (saying “open a big mouth now mommy… and “flying “the food into it for enhancement – he is especially happy if I close my mouth and the “plane” crashes into it). He likes me give me his things as gifts. “one for Jonathan and one for mommy” is a reoccurring sentence, that is connected to almost anything (lately the version one more mommy, one for Dubbon and one for Jonathan” is also being heard more often). If he is eating a cookie he wants me to have one too. If he is looking at a book, he wants me to do so too. Jonathan also tries to share and participate in my experiences. Thus if I am cleaning, he wants to clean too (making quite a mess with a mop and water). He also likes to help with the washing. Putting in the soap and pressing the button, Dubbon needs to also press the button – thus sharing my chore.
We were stuck in traffic one afternoon and I opened a window to inquire from the drivers standing outside what was going on (some problems with a truck in a narrow side street). Jonathan wanted to open his window too, so he too could shout out. We ended up chanting together in rhythm “open the street, open the street!” and while I used the horn of the car, he used a whistle he had with him. He totally immersed himself in my concern with the traffic and was very instrumental in turning an otherwise stressed, tedious and impatient quarter of a hour into a smiling game for me. As Dubbon was not around, Jonathan did not need to think of a creative function for the bear in the rather ridiculous and fun scene that developed. Chanting the street opening manta (without horns) became a favourite car pastime in the following days, regardless of the true traffic situation. In fact its great fun to chant in an empty street!
Sometimes I wonder if Jonathan’s total adoption of Dubbon as a “best friend” who shares all and his dependence on my company are his alternative for his lack of siblings, but things do not always work out the way we want them to… Dubbon and myself both lose importance (even though he is always on the lookout for me to some extent) when other children are around (cousins he meets at my mother’s or friends in the play ground). I guess I will have to wait and see if my concern has any real basis.
Having just spent a week together on vacation he has enjoyed greater freedom in having the bear at his side almost all the time and spending lots of time with mommy. This has increased his dependence on my company and that of the bear. The return to routine and kindergarten is tough. Jonathan cries once again at separation in the morning (a phenomena we have not seen in recent months)and wishes repeatedly to go home (where I believe he enjoys more freedom, less structure and less discipline than in kindergarten). Dubbon was allowed to go to kindergarten with him (at the advice of the kindergarten teacher, who thinks the doll can help soothe the boy) and so his foot was marked for identification (there is a very similar teddy bear belonging to another child and the last thing I need is confusion between the two).
Dubbon has a busy life, and needs to be washed more often. All things considered, tough, the doll is rather in good condition despite about 2.5 years of intensive use (Jonathan has him since 6 months of age, Teddy is newer and joined us when Jonathan was 2 years old). I admit I am fascinated how Jonathan finds ways to integrate the doll into his life. I can only hope this is a sign of normal development and imagination games, and not the beginning of a long dependence saga.
If daddy carries Jonathan on his shoulder, then Jonathan needs to carry Dubbon on his shoulders. Together the three make a very cute tower. When Jonathan is drinking, Dubbon must too. If Jonathan is sliding in the playground, so is Dubbon and when Jonathan rides his red tri-cycle, Dubbon is positioned between his legs on the seat. After Jonathan helps me prepare him a cup of chocolate drink, Dubbon must also have a cup. It remains an interesting point who eventually drinks the extra cup, Jonathan or mommy. When Jonthan is watching TV, Dubbon is seated in the plastic chair next to him watching too. When we read a bedtime story, Dubbon is also seated in mommy’s lap listening attentively. At such moments I cannot help thinking that thankfully Dubbon is rather quiet and well behaved…
Dubbon goes everywhere with him and I am in constant fear that the doll may be lost. It’s true that we have a similar doll that Jonathan has named “Teddy”, who is acceptable as a cuddling alternative when Dubbon is not around (like when he is being washed) but Jonathan is just not attached to this proxy. Whenever I let Teddy out of the drawer to take Dubbon’s place ever so temporarily, I allow Teddy to remain alongside the returned Dubbon and thus both bears remain acceptable alternatives. But two bears is too much for Jonathan to hold and its very cute to watch him try to cuddle two bears, or get them both to sit nicely in his lap for the bedtime story. After a few days I relieve him of this duty by returning Teddy to the drawer and allowing Dubbon his all too natural rule.
Teddy is just not really a replacement for Dubbon. Besides, it turns out that Teddy is a girl and Dubbon is a boy - even though the dolls have no indication of sex whatsoever. Jonathan’s interest in gender has finally surfaced and we went over the theme of pregnancy and boys and girls have different private parts rather intensively in the last month or so… The fact that my sister was 8 month pregnant at the time proved most helpful to deal with the question of “where do babies come from?” which naturally relates to the theme of boys and girls are different. I raided the book shops and purchased 6 different books in different levels to deal with any questions with colourful happy pictures and rhymes…
Jonathan also likes to share many of his activities with me, a little compulsive and dependant on mommy if you ask me - but on the other hand it can be so gratifying to be so needed. He wants to sit in my chair and demands that we change places. Then he remembers that the chair I am using is actually his, so we change back. He shares his food with me, even feeds me (saying “open a big mouth now mommy… and “flying “the food into it for enhancement – he is especially happy if I close my mouth and the “plane” crashes into it). He likes me give me his things as gifts. “one for Jonathan and one for mommy” is a reoccurring sentence, that is connected to almost anything (lately the version one more mommy, one for Dubbon and one for Jonathan” is also being heard more often). If he is eating a cookie he wants me to have one too. If he is looking at a book, he wants me to do so too. Jonathan also tries to share and participate in my experiences. Thus if I am cleaning, he wants to clean too (making quite a mess with a mop and water). He also likes to help with the washing. Putting in the soap and pressing the button, Dubbon needs to also press the button – thus sharing my chore.
We were stuck in traffic one afternoon and I opened a window to inquire from the drivers standing outside what was going on (some problems with a truck in a narrow side street). Jonathan wanted to open his window too, so he too could shout out. We ended up chanting together in rhythm “open the street, open the street!” and while I used the horn of the car, he used a whistle he had with him. He totally immersed himself in my concern with the traffic and was very instrumental in turning an otherwise stressed, tedious and impatient quarter of a hour into a smiling game for me. As Dubbon was not around, Jonathan did not need to think of a creative function for the bear in the rather ridiculous and fun scene that developed. Chanting the street opening manta (without horns) became a favourite car pastime in the following days, regardless of the true traffic situation. In fact its great fun to chant in an empty street!
Sometimes I wonder if Jonathan’s total adoption of Dubbon as a “best friend” who shares all and his dependence on my company are his alternative for his lack of siblings, but things do not always work out the way we want them to… Dubbon and myself both lose importance (even though he is always on the lookout for me to some extent) when other children are around (cousins he meets at my mother’s or friends in the play ground). I guess I will have to wait and see if my concern has any real basis.
Having just spent a week together on vacation he has enjoyed greater freedom in having the bear at his side almost all the time and spending lots of time with mommy. This has increased his dependence on my company and that of the bear. The return to routine and kindergarten is tough. Jonathan cries once again at separation in the morning (a phenomena we have not seen in recent months)and wishes repeatedly to go home (where I believe he enjoys more freedom, less structure and less discipline than in kindergarten). Dubbon was allowed to go to kindergarten with him (at the advice of the kindergarten teacher, who thinks the doll can help soothe the boy) and so his foot was marked for identification (there is a very similar teddy bear belonging to another child and the last thing I need is confusion between the two).
Dubbon has a busy life, and needs to be washed more often. All things considered, tough, the doll is rather in good condition despite about 2.5 years of intensive use (Jonathan has him since 6 months of age, Teddy is newer and joined us when Jonathan was 2 years old). I admit I am fascinated how Jonathan finds ways to integrate the doll into his life. I can only hope this is a sign of normal development and imagination games, and not the beginning of a long dependence saga.
Speech Therapy
At the advanced age of 3 years and 5 months, Jonathan is finally showing serious speech abilities and is finally conducting a conversation with us. But parents should be careful what they wish for; conversation has opened a whole new dimension of negotiation and manipulation for the clever rascal…
After 3 months of speech therapy, Jonathan is finally showing some results. The boy has started composing sentences and is finally really talking with us. Regretfully, my husband cannot enjoy much of this development because he hardly understands what the boy is saying in Hebrew, but for me it is obvious that Jonathan’s speech capability has made a quantum leap! Even in German he is slowly beginning to compose sentences, and he also imitates the English he hears when watching the Simpson’s DVD tapes his daddy so diligently collects.
A whole new world of communication is now open to us. Jonathan is finally responding in words to things he is being told. Asking questions and expecting answers (which I sometimes do not know how to give. Turns out it is very hard to explain things to a three year old…). We were longing for the moment in which we would be able it finally converse with the boy and now our wish is backfiring a little, with the new channel of communication a new dimension of checking his borders and expressing his mind has opened. Jonathan is negotiating his position in our household. If in the past, he would show his wishes mainly via physical resistance, he now combines it with words and thus doubling his arsenal of tactics to challenge my authority. Now not only do I have to chase him about, I also have to argue every point.
The word he uses most is “no”. Everything should just NOT happen the way we parents say it is. He does not accept the simple explanation that some things are a force of nature (rain) and other a simple necessity (like going to work and to kindergarten each day). From a book about a boy who has a new baby brother, he has chosen to take the literal message of demanding attention that can be found in it, rather than the message of playing and sharing with siblings, cousins or friends. The fact that Jonathan can express his opinions means we need to take them into consideration. Even if we do not agree with him, these themes now need to be discussed and our point of view explained. In order to get him to do anything peacefully, Jonathan has to agree to the solution we propose – our wits are always in full alert to all the possibilities of offering an attractive solution that is also acceptable to us.
Speech however is not all bad. Clearer communication has lowered many stress factors. Jonathan’s frustrations at being misunderstood have been considerably reduced and it is a true pleasure to discuss the day’s routine with him. He can also demonstrate his true understanding of things and the dynamics of his daily experiences with great clarity. At last my son can tell me what happened in kindergarten today. My mother finally understands her grandson and can cooperate with his expressed wishes.
Jonathan also has a new tool of expressing his love. Just the other day, as he was getting ready for bed, I explained that I must go out. The boy started protesting that I must NOT go out (the word “no” again) and I simply replied that I will go and come back to him soon. He did not like it and repeated his wish/demand that I not go. Then he paused to think and said in a wining voice “but I promise that I will behave”- big eyes beckoned me to accept his gesture. Good behaviour in exchange for my remaining at home. I found the whole scene just too adorable! His train of thought shows that he understands the importance of good behaviour to me. He demonstrates an amazing sense of logic and of consequences. Despite extra points for true cuteness, I went out and his daddy put him to bed.
After 3 months of speech therapy, Jonathan is finally showing some results. The boy has started composing sentences and is finally really talking with us. Regretfully, my husband cannot enjoy much of this development because he hardly understands what the boy is saying in Hebrew, but for me it is obvious that Jonathan’s speech capability has made a quantum leap! Even in German he is slowly beginning to compose sentences, and he also imitates the English he hears when watching the Simpson’s DVD tapes his daddy so diligently collects.
A whole new world of communication is now open to us. Jonathan is finally responding in words to things he is being told. Asking questions and expecting answers (which I sometimes do not know how to give. Turns out it is very hard to explain things to a three year old…). We were longing for the moment in which we would be able it finally converse with the boy and now our wish is backfiring a little, with the new channel of communication a new dimension of checking his borders and expressing his mind has opened. Jonathan is negotiating his position in our household. If in the past, he would show his wishes mainly via physical resistance, he now combines it with words and thus doubling his arsenal of tactics to challenge my authority. Now not only do I have to chase him about, I also have to argue every point.
The word he uses most is “no”. Everything should just NOT happen the way we parents say it is. He does not accept the simple explanation that some things are a force of nature (rain) and other a simple necessity (like going to work and to kindergarten each day). From a book about a boy who has a new baby brother, he has chosen to take the literal message of demanding attention that can be found in it, rather than the message of playing and sharing with siblings, cousins or friends. The fact that Jonathan can express his opinions means we need to take them into consideration. Even if we do not agree with him, these themes now need to be discussed and our point of view explained. In order to get him to do anything peacefully, Jonathan has to agree to the solution we propose – our wits are always in full alert to all the possibilities of offering an attractive solution that is also acceptable to us.
Speech however is not all bad. Clearer communication has lowered many stress factors. Jonathan’s frustrations at being misunderstood have been considerably reduced and it is a true pleasure to discuss the day’s routine with him. He can also demonstrate his true understanding of things and the dynamics of his daily experiences with great clarity. At last my son can tell me what happened in kindergarten today. My mother finally understands her grandson and can cooperate with his expressed wishes.
Jonathan also has a new tool of expressing his love. Just the other day, as he was getting ready for bed, I explained that I must go out. The boy started protesting that I must NOT go out (the word “no” again) and I simply replied that I will go and come back to him soon. He did not like it and repeated his wish/demand that I not go. Then he paused to think and said in a wining voice “but I promise that I will behave”- big eyes beckoned me to accept his gesture. Good behaviour in exchange for my remaining at home. I found the whole scene just too adorable! His train of thought shows that he understands the importance of good behaviour to me. He demonstrates an amazing sense of logic and of consequences. Despite extra points for true cuteness, I went out and his daddy put him to bed.
Purim Carnaval, Dressing Up
Jonathan is old enough to actually enjoy the idea of dressing up in the season of Carnival which also corresponds to the Jewish Purim holiday. He is also big enough to choose his costume; variety however makes for a jumpy (ha ha) decision…
With Purim coming up, Jonathan was permitted to dress himself up in kindergarten for a whole week with silly hats, fun accessories and costumes. This meant he had lots of fun with the whole idea of dressing up, but also that he could not be expected to be able to choose a costume ahead of time. Variety can be confusing.
As he is also relatively tall, the costumes for toddlers will not do, this means the prices are becoming considerable. I therefore decided to learn from last year’s mistake and buy the costume at the latest moment possible. Last year I bought a clown costume and a week before the party he asked for a rabbit. And so I paid for two costumes. Luckily the clown was reduced and Jonathan was still small enough for toddler sizes. This year I started asking about the costume 3 weeks before the party, so the theme can “cook” a bit in his head. But I had no intention of buying early, as I was convinced he would change his mind many times. Jonathan surprised me by remaining constant, he repeatedly mentioned a lion or a bear. I asked him if the bear would be as panda and he got fixed on the panda bear and stayed with it for two whole weeks.
So I purchased a toddler panda costume (as the bear was not available in larger sizes) and the split it into two parts and added fabric so that I created a panda bear suit for a taller boy. Jonathan was very happy to receive the costume and a whole week before the party in the kindergarten, which was to be the high point of the Purim festival; he dressed up in the panda daily. There were also the clown costume and rabbit from last year, which were also split up and enlarged, and he dressed in them too at home. Variety seemed to be successful, providing him with fun for a whole week of dressing up at home. The Panda however was the most popular. I was hopeful till the very last, that he would remain constant to his request. But on the day of the party, the boy insisted on wearing the Rabbit from last year. The only condolence I could have was that the pictures taken last year of Jonathan in the Rabbit costume were not really very nice, and that this year I could hope for better pictures because the boy has finally started to cooperate with the camera.
And so, Jonathan had particular fun with the tail on the pants which he showed me, posing for the camera with his butt stuck out. We also both put rabbit ears on our head and made some self portrait pictures using the bathroom mirror. Even in kindergarten we had the photographer take a picture of us together. Even Jonathan’s daddy has a cool picture with the white rabbit – Jonathan the rabbit kissing daddy on the lips is just too cute!
With Purim coming up, Jonathan was permitted to dress himself up in kindergarten for a whole week with silly hats, fun accessories and costumes. This meant he had lots of fun with the whole idea of dressing up, but also that he could not be expected to be able to choose a costume ahead of time. Variety can be confusing.
As he is also relatively tall, the costumes for toddlers will not do, this means the prices are becoming considerable. I therefore decided to learn from last year’s mistake and buy the costume at the latest moment possible. Last year I bought a clown costume and a week before the party he asked for a rabbit. And so I paid for two costumes. Luckily the clown was reduced and Jonathan was still small enough for toddler sizes. This year I started asking about the costume 3 weeks before the party, so the theme can “cook” a bit in his head. But I had no intention of buying early, as I was convinced he would change his mind many times. Jonathan surprised me by remaining constant, he repeatedly mentioned a lion or a bear. I asked him if the bear would be as panda and he got fixed on the panda bear and stayed with it for two whole weeks.
So I purchased a toddler panda costume (as the bear was not available in larger sizes) and the split it into two parts and added fabric so that I created a panda bear suit for a taller boy. Jonathan was very happy to receive the costume and a whole week before the party in the kindergarten, which was to be the high point of the Purim festival; he dressed up in the panda daily. There were also the clown costume and rabbit from last year, which were also split up and enlarged, and he dressed in them too at home. Variety seemed to be successful, providing him with fun for a whole week of dressing up at home. The Panda however was the most popular. I was hopeful till the very last, that he would remain constant to his request. But on the day of the party, the boy insisted on wearing the Rabbit from last year. The only condolence I could have was that the pictures taken last year of Jonathan in the Rabbit costume were not really very nice, and that this year I could hope for better pictures because the boy has finally started to cooperate with the camera.
And so, Jonathan had particular fun with the tail on the pants which he showed me, posing for the camera with his butt stuck out. We also both put rabbit ears on our head and made some self portrait pictures using the bathroom mirror. Even in kindergarten we had the photographer take a picture of us together. Even Jonathan’s daddy has a cool picture with the white rabbit – Jonathan the rabbit kissing daddy on the lips is just too cute!
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