Social Skills

Jonathan is giving good reason to write a lot of entires lately – well , what can I do when he is just being his adorable self! Today, two incidents have shown me that Jonathan's social skills are developing and his awareness as well as his good intentions are developing toward the ones he loves, namely his mommy and his family.

The first incident was Jonathan showing that he truly cares about his mommy, and that he is also learning from me too. He invited me to stand up “on one leg” with him this morning.
Its a sort of a game, and today we played together for the first time. The aim of the game is to stand on one leg, try to keep balance as long as its amusing for Jonathan and then fall spectacularly on the floor – the bigger the show the more fun it is for my sunny son. As we were standing together on one leg, Jonathan told me to be careful, and then we both fell down, landing on the carpet, laughing. This repeated itself three times until I decided to end the game because of the arrival of guests. This game was especially heart warming because not only did Jonathan invite me to share in his fun, he also looked out for me and told me to be careful during the game.

I was so proud of him! For a two year old (OK, 27 months) I think this is also showing a responsibility level that is very encouraging. Together with the fact that Jonathan knows by now to stop before a road, I am starting to see the fruit of some hard lessons I am trying to teach him and messages I have been drilling to him almost from birth are finally sinking in.

I have seen him stand on one leg before and always told him to be careful so he would not fall when he did this. I have already stood on one leg for my son's amusement (pretending to loose balance of course, with lots of ohhhh's, and ahhhhggg's! Much to my son's content).But this is the first time we are standing on one leg together, balancing together and falling down together amid shouts of laughter from us both. Boy! Did we have fun!.

The second incident involves my niece. My sister and her husband left their little daughter who is about 6 months old with me for a few hours this morning. Jonathan was very ambivalent to his little cousin at first (great improvement to a few months ago when she first entered his life and he was jealous every time I held my niece in my arms) but then he began to show more interest. He stroked her head more than one time, even without me instructing him to do it. Once I gave him the idea, he chose to express his affection spontaneously a few times. The height of his interest in his young guest was when he offered to sit his niece in his toy stroller. The offer was a natural reaction to the fact that the baby was wining a bit, besides if the baby is in the stroller it means that she is no longer in my arms – another advantage for Jonathan of course. (But I really think he had no agenda, because he did not immediately take her place in my arms when they became free).

Jonathan has a pink stroller he borrowed from another cousin. He loves to drive it around our apartment and also be driven in it. This is why I know the toy could hold my niece in safety and so I cooperated with Jonathan and accepted his offer to sit the baby in the stroller (after he repeated it a second time). As the little girl seamed to like it, I allowed Jonathan to rock the stroller to and fro, and we sang a lullaby together. Curiously enough, the baby calmed down in the stroller. After a while, however, Jonathan decided enough is enough and ordered that the baby be removed from his stroller. After he repeated this wish twice and also because the stroller is not really a good place for a real baby, it is after all just a toy meant for dolls (the regular passenger is an Erny from Sesame Street doll), I removed the baby from the stroller and Jonathan was allowed to have his toy to himself again. The baby was however not so pleased an it took me quite a while to calm her down again.

She finally fell asleep in my arms and then Jonathan sat on the other side and leaned into me on the other side and we all sat down on the couch and cuddled together (watching a children's DVD). It was really one of the best moments of my life! Squashed between my sweet boy and his cute cousin I felt almost complete. There is really nothing more pure and pleasurable that the touch of children – who give their love to you free of all restraint (even if unintentionally as babies). Although Jonathan was probably a bit frustrated at times that I had relatively little time for him this morning, he seamed to enjoy the presence of his cousin to some extent – a good sign for what it might be like when he gets a sibling...

Business Skills

Jonathan's skill sin expressing himself and making his wishes known are increasing daily. Yesterday he provided us with a “great moment” by expressing a wish to “go with mommy” in simple terms. We should all look to our children for the basics we have forgotten.

Yesterday, as Jonathan was taking his bath, with both my husband and I watching him playing in the water, I had to leave the house for about an hour. So I explained to Jonathan that “mommy has to go for on hour and then she will be back”. Jonathan looked up from his play in the bath and said “bye bye”. I answered bye bay and began my retreat. Then he stood up and said “bye bye aba” (bye bye daddy) and then he added “to go” - making sure I understood he wanted to go with me he also raised his armed to be lifted out of the tub. My husband and I laughed. I kissed him and told him it was nice he wanted to escort me, but that he must stay at home with daddy. He then waved me off and continued to enjoy his bath.

This is not the first time this has happened. When I leave the house he wants to join me most of the times. Sometimes I take him with me even if it was not originally planned, and sometimes I just cannot – just like yesterday. Still I find it very sweet, that he can express is explicit wish to join me in such simple yet clear means of speech and body language. It is also truly gratifying as a mother, that he likes my company so much... I wonder sometimes how frustrating it can be to be a dad – the eternal “Second best”.

Potty training is always on my mind these days. I ask him if he wants to go to the toilet to pee and he simply says “no pee toilet”. Then when he wants to go, he runs to the restroom and says “pee toilet”. In business negotiation there is a tactic called KISS – keep it simple, stupid. Jonathan expresses himself just that way.

We should all learn some basic tactics from our kids. Children have negotiating skills that we adults have forgotten, not to mention marketing. Last weekend we were visiting a family of German friends who are on holiday in Israel and they have a 6 year old boy. On more than one occasion, the boy cleverly used things the adults said and “marketed” them to suit his interests. There were some distortions and misunderstandings and yet always masterfully tied to the original words uttered by the adults around him. It was simply about interpretation. I regretfully do not remember particulars, but it was skilfully and smoothly done. The boy has great potential in international business and I told his father so...

Classical Stories

Today Jonathan provided me with classical material for a documentary. After all , this is what this blog is. First he showed a true sense of independence and target orientation and secondly he “treated” his father to the worse kind of slapstick comedy scenario.

This morning I woke up to the noise of Jonathan wondering about the house. He usually gets up and comes directly to our bed to say good morning, cuddle with mommy and daddy in under the big duvet and even get a chance to jump on the big bed. Sometimes he goes to the living room to play with his toys. This morning he chose not to come and visit us, but rather he walked into the kitchen. When I heard him dragging a chair, I got up to see what he was up to. I found him standing on the chair he had dragged. He had placed it next to the kitchen desk, so he could climb it and reach a box of chocolates that was standing on it. As I entered the kitchen he lifted the box and asked me to open the wrapping of the treats. I told him he cannot have the whole box, but “just one” - so he took one in each hand. He then again requested that I open the wraps, so I opened one treat (the least bad of the two in terms of sugar amounts) and he has sweet puffs for breakfast. One thing is for sure, I moved the bread knives to a higher place...

Today Jonathan's daddy took him out on a “boys afternoon out”. They went to visit a German speaking playmate. These meetings take place once a week and its always fathers and sons. I took the chance to go out with my siblings and so the afternoon together became the whole evening together for father and son. To conclude the evening, my husband gave Jonathan his daily bath. However, as my husband saw fit to report to me immediately, live from the scene of the crime, things took a special turn – towards the slapstick comedy. Just as my husband had put Jonathan into the bath filled with warm water, he turned his back on the boy for a split second and just then Jonathan decided to doo doo in the tub.

The significance of this event is doubled when one takes into account that this kind of “accident” is rare for Jonathan, in fact this is only the second time this has happened to us (I was the victim the first time). So my husband took Jonathan out of the tub, to drain the filthy water and clean it, and just as he did so, Jonathan peed on the bathroom carpet (significance thus tripled). It was at this stage that my husband called me with a full report. The call was short and concise, after all there was much to do – clean the tub, wash the carpet and get Jonathan into a new water filled bath and clean him up too. After this, both my boys were so tired that Jonathan went directly to bed.

We are just going through the first stages of getting Jonathan “off” the diapers. As the boys were from home today, Jonathan was wearing a nappy. Perhaps the confusion of the potty training in what got him all exited. Can this be the reason for today's display? Who can tell. We however have a funny story to smile on for days to come (even my husband can laugh and enjoy, now that he is no longer standing in a room that is literally “full of shit” with the prospect of having to clean it up).

Great moments of learning and potty training

Every parent has many moments of joy and laughter with their children. Every toddler does these really sweet things. Yet each child has in stock some magical surprise for his/ her parents. And when you stand there, watching your toddler do that little something that takes your breath away – the joy of parenthood is complete!

Especially in the age (about two years to two and a half years of age – Jonathan's age now) in which toddlers still do not speak perfectly and communication is hard – it is most amazing to see how much they learn – always. Children are like a sponge, so the books say, and it is these special “great moments of learning ” that show us how true that saying is. I experienced three of these with Jonathan today and I am happy to utilize my 101st blog entry by sharing them with you.

The first moment of learning was that when Jonathan got up today, he walked alone to the bathroom, placed his toilet seat on the toilet, removed his diaper and sat himself on the toilet and then did both “big” and “small”. This is not the first time Jonathan uses the toilet, and we are however also very far from the end of his “potty training” and yet this routine like “getting up and going to the toilet first thing” was simply so very cute! He later balanced this perfect record by peeing 4 times in one hour in the living room in the afternoon and totally refusing to go to the toilet in order to pee, but also refusing to put on a diaper again. One of the kindergarten teachers said to me that not only the toddler must be ready for “potty training”, but also the parents. Parents must be ready to face the challenges of cleaning after “mistakes” that may occur any place. After chasing Jonathan off the couch today, I have a more complete understanding what she meant. Yes, potty training is also difficult for the parents not only challenging for the child.

The second great learning moment of the day was that Jonathan insisted on putting in a washing machine. To be more exact, he wanted me to open the cupboard in which the washing soap is. He likes the giant bottle that houses the softener. I explained he needs something to wash in order to use the soap – so he helped me fill in the washing machine. Then he helped me close it and pour in the various soaps - last but not last the softener, and then he turned the machine on.

The third and especially magical moment entails the fact that I found Jonathan this afternoon in the kitchen, standing on a chair near the sink. Then he took the sponge and put soap on it, turned the tap on and was trying to wash the dishes. He did this alone, I was not in the kitchen, and we have never discussed dishes before. This is a totally “self learning” action. Learning by watching mom wash the dishes every day. More is the pity that it did not occur to me to run and get my camera to record my new and oh so cute “dishwasher”.

I asked him what he wants and why is he washing the dishes, Jonathan said he wanted juice to drink. It also looked like he was enjoying playing with the running water. For the reason of saving water (Israel is a hot land, we need every drop) I stopped the dish washing charade (hence no camera...) and explained that water is not a game. Then Jonathan assisted me in preparing his juice – he remained standing on the chair and helped me pour apple syrup into his drinking bottle. And that was the end of today's kitchen performance. It was also the last of the day's magical moments, as I spent the rest of the day cleaning puddles of pee (my husband calling for me in panic every time a “great peeing moment” occurred), rolling up the carpets (despite Jonathan efforts that they remain where they are) and arguing with an obstinate “toilet refusing” little boy.

Yes! If you have not yet guessed – we are on the first trails of the potty training process. But potty training is not all bad, even in the hardest moments, one finds a sense of fun. Both Jonathan and I were laughing when I chased him through the living room in order to clean him up (after he made a big doo doo in his pants) and to prevent his smearing poo on the couch. He got a bit smeared despite my efforts (how fast can a poo chasing mommy move?) but the good news is, the couch fabric is easily cleaned! As we face the challenge of teaching our first born to use the toilet and control his bowels, its nice to know that our furniture is inexpensive and that it cleans easily...

Singing in the Rain

The movie “singing in the rain” has a lovely scene about voice mimicking in early cinema history. Jonathan is in some ways a mimicking machine. He imitates many things I do (even bad habits) and repeats many words, even if not exactly right. And why am I writing about his? Because he looks sooo cute walking in the rain with an umbrella... almost reminds me of Gene Kelly...

See for yourselves (armed with his bottle – typical Jonathan; captured in mommy's mobile phone – and since then I have a camera in my bag). I only showed him how to use an umbrella once, and yet when push came to shove and he needed to use one (a rare occasion in Israel) he knew at once how to do so. I suspect they learned about umbrellas in kindergarten when the theme of winter and rain was taught (Jonathan still sings “drip drop rain” songs, even though there has been no rain for a while now – except the usual rainy Purim weekend, spoiling all the Israel Carnival celebrations).

When I ask Jonathan “how are you?” he answers “beseder” which means all right.
Every time I give him something he said “toda” in a cheerful staccato (that means thanks you!)
When he especially wants something, he will even say a distorted form of the word please in Hebrew and even a nice “bitte” in German when solicitation his dad. He usually begins with a demand in general, and then he changes his tone to that of a request.

But there is one thing he will always ask for nicely – his bottle of chocolate milk before bedtime. He enters the bed and then says to me ceremoniously “kasha shoko” (it should be “bevakasha shocko”, which means please and chocolate drink). We are working hard now on the concept of requesting things and expressing his needs.

There is also some things that will always be demanded! - anything “I should give him is presented as a demand “dilli!” he says which is a distortion of “tni li” the female imperative of give in Hebrew. Give me! He demands. Ordering me to sit down by him is also a strict order “lashevet!” he says and motions to me with his hand – showing me with short movements up and down that I should sit myself in a particular spot in his vicinity.

We play a card game in which he has to match animals to their young. As he knows the matching by heart now, but still enjoys the game I have moved up the level a notch by asking him to repeat the animal names to only in Hebrew, but also in German. He gets it pretty close by repetition. Some animals like the lion (Loewe in German) he knows all alone. He also does wonderful animal sounds and the theme of animals is a strong topic between us in games (cards and pictures, little plastic animals) and in books and even DVD's. He really loves animals. My mother asked me if he makes cute mistakes, and that I should document them if he does. (We all still remember the distortion my twin sister used for the words tomato as a toddler, my dad used it as a nickname for her for years...). I regret to say that although Jonathan is not speaking perfectly, the mistakes are of the logic kind rather than cute confusion. His mistakes are mostly coming from the fact that some letters and words are truly hard to pronounce.

Another strong subject remains numbers. Jonathan can easily count to ten in Hebrew and by now he counts to five in German as well. It really seems as if he understands the concept of counting, because he puts items on the table, adding one at a time each time he mentions another number. He may sometime skip a number. The kitchen is also a beloved game/topic and Jonathan has taken to imitating the loud “chewing” noises I make when we play “cooking for mommy”.

His mimicking also involves tones of voice. Usually Jonathan is a merry child. If he is refused anything he will test the waters and fake a wail to see if he can get some pity from any nearby adult. When he is angry he shouts! And he mans it. Today, we were visiting a playmate, and the two boys argued about some game cards. Jonathan refused to share the cards and the other boy yelled that he wanted them himself. Jonathan's happy mood changed at once to that of anger and he scolded the buy by shouting his refusal to return the cards (in German by the way...if he is answering a question in the negative, but he is not angry – he will use Hebrew. If he is angry and shouts “no!” he will use German – an interesting division...). The funny thing about the whole scene was that from one moment to the next two happy boys with high pitch squeaky toddler voices suddenly changed their tone into deep growls of argument (Jonathan) and wailing (his counter part). In such moments as these, one believes that every exaggerated cartoon has its origin in the truth.

Ownership

When it comes to ownership, Jonathan does not stop for trifles such as toys and candy, he goes straight for big real estate and property. Another insignificant matter - the true owner is also elegantly ignored...

The word “mine” has entered Jonathan's vocabulary. It seams he has caught on to the concept of ownership and is thus working continuously to increase his “holdings”. His possessions include anything and anyone he feels he owns at any given moment – especially mommy is a prime asset. Last evening Jonathan pushed away my husband as he was trying to give me a hug and lectured to him that “mommy is mine” and that “daddy should stop it”. I immediately explained that I am afraid I am nobody's property (except my own) but I do not think the little tyke took me seriously. He was in fact giving me an odd look, expressing with every muscle in his face that I am totally misunderstanding the true reality that as his mother, I belong to him. My husband, I fear, was rather hurt! Putting this incident together with the fact that in general, when having a choice of whom should wait on him hand and foot, Jonathan tends to prefer me to his father, I fear my husbands position is not always a pleasant one, but rather a frustrating second place.

When it comes to cars, the small shiny plastic version will simply not do. Though he enjoys playing with toy cars, the only time I heard Jonathan express ownership of anything with four wheels, he was referring to the very real family vehicle. We were walking in the street and I explained that we need to go to the car in order to drive home. Jonathan promptly asked “where is my car?” This particular scene has repeated itself a few times recently. Jonathan loves to sit in the driver's seat and “drive” the real car. Pushing buttons and turning on the light is a special treat (thank God he cannot honk, as the motor is switched off and the keys are removed). He comes up to the car and declares it is his car, then goes to his door and opens it. He scrambles over his seat directly into the driver's seat, smiling radiantly at me as he waits for me to enter the car and sit next to him while he “drives”. He then wants to hear music and even puts the CD into the player. I can only talk him out of the driver's seat and back into his own place by explaining that I can only find the keys when he is in his seat and only when the we have the keys can we actually play the music he wants to hear.

One would think that owning a real car would be enough for a two year old, but no! Jonathan is into prime real estate. We were recently visiting a little boy who is one of Jonathan's playmates, when Jonathan suddenly located himself in the middle of the living room and waved to the friend and his parents and said “bye bye”. At first I thought Jonathan was trying to tell me that he wanted to go home. He remained, however, firmly seated on the floor in the middle of the living room and then it dawned on me – he was instructing the family who owned the apartment to leave. Mincing no words he was simply and literally waving them off. The fact that he was a visitor in their house was entirely irrelevant to him. He had at that moment declared his ownership of their house and his wish to have it to himself. Thank goodness that our friends have a good sense of humor...

During the same visit Jonathan and his little friend argued over a toy they both wanted to play with at exactly the same time. Although this is not unusual for toddlers at their age, it was interesting for me to watch how the argument developed, considering Jonathan's new found sense of ownership. The little boy protested that it was “his toy” and grabbed at it. Jonathan's reaction was to strengthen his hold on the newly claimed “property” and pull it towards himself. The fact that there was another boy “attached” to the other side was of no significance and Jonathan ended up dragging the boy a bit, until his friend gave up the toy. The little boy repeated his righteous protest. I had to admit that was indeed true and tried to explain to Jonathan that he could not keep it and that he should play nicely. The other boy's mother was at the time explaining to her son the importance of sharing his toys with his guest... although the two boys usually play well together, on that particular visit they could not quite settle down.

When one considers that Jonathan already “owns” a car and an apartment in which he does not live (his friend's family are the “tenants”) one wonders what he will claim next. Playing it big is is after all his mode of operation.