Proud Mom Moments April 26, 2008 – 2 of them...

Jonathan seems to stretch his arms in a request to be picked up
Its more than just a happy reaction when he sees someone he knows (or in fact anyone approaching his pen) he clearly stretches his arms open and it would seem that he is making a request to be picked up in one's arms. My mother has seen it more than once and has dubbed the occurrence as a clear sign of developing communication. I have seen it once and have suspected it to be indeed a communication effort on Jonathan's part. Now with my mother's observations I can clearly state it is so.

Jonathan used his legs to get to a toy
It is a great pity that this great moment took place at 5 o'clock in the morning and I was too tired to be truly happy about it. Jonathan decided to wake up extra early this morning and as he was only reasonably quiet while being busy, I gave him a toy fur rabbit to play with (we are spending the weekend at my parents' so I can get some rest...so five o'clock in the morning noise is not appreciated naturally). Jonathan started playing with the rabbit and at one time the toy rolled away from him. He started reaching for it with his hands and when this proved unfruitful he kicked the toy with his foot to get it nearer to his hand so he could start grabbing at it again...so cute...

In general Jonathan is a very achieving boy – any mother would like to be able to say that her son is talented and ambitious; I can say it at this early stage when I view him at play (he is just 5 months old). Moving about by rolling is now common practice for him. You can see that his actions are targeted. If he wants a toy that is not within his reach he will roll and kick about to get to it. He tends to get stuck in the corners of his pen, with his feet sticking out due to efforts to reach an unknown spot in the universe. He also gets stuck in the arches of his play matt in his effort to reach beyond its edges. The boy is a true explorer!
(In Israel play mattes with arches onto which toys are hanging are very popular and they are called "universities" because these contraptions are supposed to assist in the cognitive development of the baby.)

When he is stuck he calls for assistance, and as soon as he is released his quest begins anew and he rolls and kicks and raises his butt (all means are legitimate to get to a target…) until he gets stuck again/ reaches his object / or is just plain too tired/ bored to continue. Sometimes the quest is broken because mommy want to give Jonathan a bath… such triviality to a true scientist's mind…no matter, the quest will be renewed again at some point in the near future when Jonathan is once again left to his own devices…

Apologies

First, I apologize for blogging late this week, but I took the weekend off! Literaly by resting 3 days at my parents' and enjoying the simple fact that someone else could take care of Jonathan at 7:00 AM and I could sleep some more...

And now, here is the weekly blog...

The Kibbutz Child – Being Raised by Others

Better late than never...

Working parents actually have children so that others can raise them. This is a sad statistic in our lives – we see very little of our children because we spend most of the day at work.
The fact is that I see my son about 2.5 hours a day. 1/2 an hour in the morning, which consists of breakfast and getting ready to leave the house for the daycare center/work, and 2 hours in the afternoon which consist of 1 hour play, if he is not too tired (if he is tired he will probably sleep at least 30 minutes) and 1 hour of bath, food and getting ready for bed (I have no idea how we will fit in solid meals that take more time than a fast bedtime bottle...).
My husband has it even worse! He sees Jonathan perhaps one hour a day in the week, and that also only if he gets up extra early for this purpose. By the time my husband returns from work, the boy is already fast asleep. I think most fathers get the poor end of the stick in the evenings. Their only comfort is that as kids get bigger they sleep less…
Yes, yes – some silly statistic freak will tell me that as Jonathan spends the night at home, he does in fact spend most of his time at home – so we need not complain. And yet, we spend most of the night sleeping…and Jonathan sleeps from 19:00 to 07:00 the next day, getting up only for feeding in the night, and even then he is still half asleep (as am I, when I get up to feed him at 3 o'clock in the morning). In contrast to all this, the ladies at the day care center get to spend 8 hours a day with my son in which he is mostly awake!
You might wonder why I am referring in the title to a kibbutz. The answer is simple; traditionally the children who grew up in the kibbutz grew up in a children's home within the kibbutz with their piers. The child was taken to join his age group in the children's home at a very young age, as a toddler still, and the child lived in the children's home – there was his/her bed! (Breastfeeding was not such a high fashion, like it is today, but then again – people in Israel back then were busy building a country and working the fields…) Thus groups of children the same age treated each other as siblings even if they are not. The child hence spent a lot more time with care takers and friends than it did in its core family – and so we come to the point!
This was all part of the idealism behind the kibbutz – to share everything and create a new kind of society in which all members are one big happy family. Today, in the few remaining kibbutzim this is no longer the case and children grow up at home and go to kindergarten just like in the city. But I have friends who grew up this way still (in the 70's).
A week ago, as I dropped Jonathan at the day care center, I went to change his blanket to a thinner one suited more for spring, as the days are getting hotter here at this time of year. As a result of this action, the lady who runs the daycare center and I both left the room where all the toddlers were, to the room where the children sleep. We also reentered the main room together, both calling to Jonathan. The boy was happily situated on the carpet and looking up he fixed himself on the day care manager, smiling to her in greeting and ignoring me next to her, as if I was thin air! Although I cannot tell that Jonathan really meant to ignore me, he is after all only 4 months old, it still broke my heart! And I spend the rest of the day at work complaining bitterly that the day care center staff gets to see more of my son than I do and that dammit! I am the one who carried him around for 9 months, and have the stretch marks and the scar to prove it too! And there is gratitude for you…!
Luckily two days later when I came in to get him from the daycare center an the end of the day, he was sitting on the lap of one of the day care ladies nice and quiet, but as soon as I came in it was obvious that he was happy to see me – he started squirming in her arms and smiling and his whole body was a clear indication of his happiness in my presence and his impatience to get to my arms! Well, there is right and wrong in the world after all…my heart melted with pure satisfaction at this obvious preference, even if tomorrow he might again, momentarily that is, prefer the day care manager…
The truth is that the parent's time as the premier object of their children's admiration is very short. My sister already complains that her 4 year old daughter no longer likes being hugged and kissed that much. My guess is that the hug makes the child feel constraint. We all know that teenagers do not think getting kisses from their parents at all cool, and that today one might even be considered a teenager when one is 8 years old. Puberty comes earlier and earlier… For a teenager the average parent is a human shaped purse and driver. My son is only 4 months old and still very much dependant on my love and welcomes my hugs and kisses with big smiles and laughs! Ahh, I cherish every moment of contact with him, as I know it won't last too long… Now I am waiting impatiently that he will be old enough to really kiss me back!

April 18 – Jonathan Can also Return his Pacifier to his Mouth in the Right Direction

Jonathan has been half holding his bottle and taking out his pacifier by himself for some weeks now, but he could never quite put the pacifier back right, until now! Ironically he always spits it out or removes it with his hands and then frantically searches for it. Until now this is where he would require help and would wail loudly in order to get it, if no one was nearby.

Yesterday evening, while we were all celebrating the Passover with family, I noticed he removed his pacifier and then put is back into his mouth correctly. One would think that at this stage he would resume his sucking, but no! He removed it again and chewed it a bit before once again returning it to his mouth in the right direction. Only after this second round was he satisfied and resumed sucking for a while.

Two in One

A proud mom moment!

April 18, 2008 – Entertaining two babies at once.

Yesterday, I went to meet a friend who has a baby who is one month older than Jonathan.

The little one is a cutie and as active and curious as Jonathan is.

At one moment I found myself holding onto my friend's baby and sitting him on may lap or flying him about in my arms while all along also laughing and making faces at Jonathan who was in his stroller nearby. Both the little treasures were evidently happy and enjoying themselves. Jonathan was in fact laughing to his heart's content – the loudest laugh I have got from him so far.

My friend was also quite pleased, enjoying her freedom to munch on a salad and chat while little baby was being kept busy by me.

Having entertained two about 5 months old babies all at once I am very proud of myself and though this an ample opportunity to document and to boast to all my faithful blog readers :-).

Maternity Leave Trauma

Having a baby totally changes your life. In my case it went upside down! From an active working woman who spent late hours at work, I became a "house potato" (as in couch potato) stuck in the house with as little infant 24 hours a day.

Every thing is around the baby! What does he eat, how does he sleep (how does his mommy sleep…or not...) is he filling enough diapers? Why is he crying? Is he hungry? Does his tummy ache, does he have gas? Or maybe he just wants your company. If you want to go anywhere, you need to find a solution for the baby (so who can we "screw up" into baby sitting this time? Definitely do not have a baby if you do not have some help potential). If you have any intelligent conversation with an adult at all it is usually about the baby – the new experience and your new role in life as a mother fills you up! You are concerned with it 100% and always. And yet, despite all the happiness and newness, it is boring!!!

All alone in a house with a baby who does little else but eat, cry and sleep (not to mention the diapers…) can drive an active female adult crazy! Maternity Leave can be a very lonely experience.

Before I had my baby boy, I thought the hardest part in the beginning will be the lack of sleep. However, it was not, as during maternity leave I could catch up on my sleep in the middle of the day when Jonathan took a nap. The hardest part is that you are all alone! Jonathan was also born in winter so we could not go out so much. Also I was after a cesarean cut so carrying the stroller downstairs was out of the question for the first month. As a result of these two factors we went out even less and the "stuck at home" experience was even worse than your normal new mother.

My solution was to ask everyone I know to do their best to come and visit me during the day (most people work, so they could not come but I do have some friends and family who managed to fit me into their busy days anyway). This way I could always hand over the baby to someone else (like his grandma, who did her best to come at least once a week to visit – after all she lives two hours away and in Israel that's pretty far) and relax a bit from the routine of caring for him, or just enjoy some conversation with an adult (doing my best not to talk about Jonathan). In his second month I got a new stroller that was easier to handle (my advise, do not try to save anything on a stroller that is comfortable for you, as you will be using it quite a lot in the child's first few years of life! The investment is worth it) and the weather began to get better, so we started going out more and that was great! Suddenly running errands became a fun thing to do – taking Jonathan in the stroller and getting things done while being exposed to people was great for us both, besides the stroller carried all my shopping. (Maternity leave can also be a monetary trauma, as you tend to spend more when you have time to roam. My credit card bills sure got higher when I was on maternity leave.)

In Israel the paid maternity leave period is 14 weeks. Afterwards you have to return to work if you wish to keep getting an income. This is what I have recently done. Now I had to face a new kind of trauma. I had gotten used to having Jonathan around me all the time, and despite the exhausting task of caring for him, I had gotten comfortable and we developed a sort of routine. (We got up at 7:00 and had breakfast, went back to sleep until 8:30 and then got up. Mommy arranged some things around the house and after Jonathan's 10:00 o'clock meal we out to get errands done and get our daily dose of sun. We came back home in time for lunch and then had a nap, mommy slept too. Then we played in the afternoon, got a bath every second day and went to sleep around 20:00. At this time daddy got home and so mom and dad could have a nice and quite evening until 23:00 when Jonathan got up to eat again, and then it was the 3:00 in the morning meal and back to bed till the next morning.) Suddenly, with the prospect of returning to work, Jonathan started attending a daycare center. The first two days he was there just for half a day, so I did not miss him much and got busy on errands when he was away, but then he was away the entire day! And my heart almost broke! (I actually "practiced" parting from him when his dad and I went for a weekend together at the Dead Sea and Jonathan stayed two nights at his Grandma's the weekend before he started going to the day care center – I cried in the car for 10 minutes after we left him behind!)

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, they say, but also forgetful. As long as he was not there, I got busy and did not miss him. But when I put him at the daycare center in the morning and when I came to pick him up in the afternoon I had a lump in my throat and even cried a little! It was hard to part in the mornings, and in the afternoon came the realization that we had been apart all day. Another issue was the fact that we had very little time together now, a very frustrating experience for any new mom.

We make children so that someone else can raise them for us. My son Jonathan spends more time with his care takers in the baby kindergarten than with his parents! And this will continue his entire childhood (daycare center, kindergarten, school and then they grow up and leave home!) But what can we do, we need to earn a living!

We are now in the process of developing a new routine. As my husband and I are not morning people, the mornings are minimal and we spend them just getting ready for work and preparing Jonathan for the daycare center. He gets his breakfast and a diaper changed and off we go! Sometimes his daddy takes him so that he can see more of him and mommy can get to work earlier. In the afternoon mommy and Jonathan have a bit of time- to be exact we have almost 3 hours, depends at what time he finally falls asleep, dead tired after his long day! I pick him up at 17:00 and he usually needs a short nap and a meal. Then we have about 1 hour to play and then its bath time. Jonathan does not really seem to enjoy the bath. He tolerates it quietly and does not play in the water, so "bath time" is a short and functional process for us. Then we watch a TV show that mom enjoys about food or play a CD/DVD for Jonathan and then it's more or less time for supper and bed. Jonathan still gets up at night, so my sleeping is still cut down to 3 hour ratios. I get groggy at work and have taken to drinking coffee on a regular basis, although I don't like the drink at all. Well, desperate times call for desperate measures, they say, and they are correct!

Fridays are shorter at the day care center and I pick him up at 12:00 (In Israel the weekend is Friday and Saturday and we work Sundays). So then we have more time together (and they say weekends are a time of rest...). This also means he takes his midday nap at home. Actually it is now Friday afternoon and Jonathan is napping. I am using the time to write, but now I will go join him and get a bit of sleep… Sweet dreams…

April 11 - Jonathan is becoming a Thumb Sucker and Can Pull out his Pacifier by Himself

In the last week, Jonathan stayed at home because he was sick and did not go to the day care center. Mommy and daddy were also sick at home for 3 days, so we had some nice family time. My husband anted me to write that he helped me out a lot this week and took care of Jonathan when I was not feeling so well. I am happy to comply with his wish because he was a great help, even though all 3 of us were sick at the beginning of the week. Now, as the week comes to a close both my boys are well again and only mommy is still sick... makes you wonder, and they say mother's day is always hard work for mom to clean up…maybe its like this also with a family sick week…

But I did not want to write about the illness. In the time we were all home, I started seeing that Jonathan was taking a liking to his thumb. He no longer just sucks his hand but he is showing a developing preference for his thumb. As a mom, this is very concerning because one must think now already how in about 4 years one will need to rid the boy of this habit. But on the other hand I have no idea how to stop this tendency. Jonathan has never been consistent with the pacifier. He likes it and it calms him down especially when he is tired - but it's not 100% full proof and not always works. He is however very consistent with his hands, he loves to sick them! In fact human flesh in general, especially mommy's hand, will do as well.

Jonathan has also recently learned to pull out the pacifier from his mouth - what he has not yet learned is to put is back. So you get a funny demonstration of sucking motions with the mouth parallel to his efforts to return the pacifier to his mouth, but he always turns it - so it's up side down and does not fit in his mouth. And so he keeps trying to shove it back into place without success. After a while he gets fed up and calls for mommy to fix the pacifier properly back in his mouth...

Grades and Comparisons – Being a Competitive Mom

No matter how I try not to do this (for my own peace of mind) I always end up comparing my son to other babies around him. It so happens that two of my cousins have also recently given birth, so I have to other boys to compare my son to, weather I like it or not. To make things worse, my son is the last born of the three, so he is by definition the smallest. Even though I know for a fact that in the beginning every week counts and that babies tend to grow almost exponentially, I still feel a tweak of remorse every time I meet with one of my two cousins and witness how much bigger their babies are… My comfort in this matter – as my husband is the tallest of the three fathers I tend to believe that eventually (at 20years of age) my boy will win the size contest.

Parents can compare anything about their children and society encourages this practice by grading your baby from the first moment of his or her life. A new born is tested for different attributes that are supposed to indicate its health. This test is called "Apgar" and your baby gets a grade! 10points are the maximum. I am the proud mother of a healthy baby boy who got the grade 9 in the first few seconds of his life and the full grade 10 after 5 minutes. Of course I am happy about these grades because they primarily tell me that all is well with my boy, but the high notes have also inspired a bit of motherly pride just because my boy did so well in his first test.

I am a competitive mother, even if I do not like to admit it, and it was very gratifying for me to be the mother of a large baby. My son was born 3,382 grams. Comparing him to other babies born in the same hospital proved to me that the statistics in the books in Israel about new borns' wieght, need to be altered. The books claim that the average baby is born with 3.3 Kgs. I tell you, my baby was more than average! He was big! I think the average in Israel is lower and that the stats should be updated! I continue to maintain that the statistics are wrong because I see lots of babies at various ages and they are all small for their age compared to my Jonathan (it is just that way when you are a mom on maternity leave in Israel, you meet your fellow mothers in the mall, the park and the children clinic on a daily basis – so visual comparison can hardly be avoided). By the way, the babies of my cousins weighed less than mine at birth…ha ha.

The testing and comparison continues throughout the child's life in the children clinic where they are weighed and measured. In Israel babies should be weighed every two months (combined with getting their shots). My son gained 500 grams per week in the first two weeks of his life! That is extraordinary! (And not only because it is my son) Only think, he added a 1/6 of his weight in just two weeks and doubled it in two months.

I tried not to be too competitive and to be satisfied that my boy was growing well. As long as the nurse at the clinic told me he was growing well within the stats I was happy and asked no more questions. But the curious Israeli public does not let you off the hook so easily. I was asked continuously not only to name his weight but to let people know where he is on the scale of weight and height. Eventually at the weighing when he was two months old, I asked the nurse to give me his growth stats. He was 40% in height and 70% in weight – so now I know for sure my boy is a big baby by comparison! Or at least a heavy one…

Mothers to sons can also compare how high their offspring can pee…mothers to sons know that as soon as you open the diaper to change it, the little one tends to squirt all over the place… I am proud to be able to say that my son can achieve quite a nice curve! Peeing over his head without getting wet! Cool! He generally tends to get everyone else wet…They should have an Olympic sport for baby boys called "The hose" – who can pee the farthest and cause the most havoc with the least number of drops on oneself.

You know how they say that men like to compare the size of their…cars, well a mother can also engage in similar activity. Rather than compare the size of your infant with those surrounding you, you can compare the size and sophistication of your baby stroller. Is it easy to fold without breaking your back over the repeated process? Is it a good brand? How many extras does it have? How much does it weight? Is the design a cool and fashionable one…As for the price, some mothers will be proud that they can afford a trendy and expensive stroller whereas others will pride themselves on getting a good stroller for less (like me).

You always get to see the Hollywood stars with their top strollers in the paparazzi pictures. Children are the biggest Hollywood hype of the year 2007 and I am proud to join the ranks of such good company…My stroller does not compare to Hollywood, especially not in its price, but I think it's a good one. I ran into a mother using the exact same pram as me in the street the other day and I felt true sisterly affection for just a moment, because this strange woman has confirmed my choice (after all, we all want to best for our children and a good and convenient pram is a part of that best).

But the most special think about my stroller is that we got it as a gift from the people who work with my husband. This is a true story of attention and kindness. Originally we had the stroller that belonged to mu big sister (who has 2 children that are now 6 and 4 years old). The stroller had been in the use of my sister for her two children and then my cousin for his first child (did I not previously recommend to collect children utensils rather than buy?) and was a bit battered up but in good shape…if one could only figure out how to use it! I just could not get it open! My parents (both engineers) husband and cousin (another one) could not figure out how to open it either…eventually I got my sister to tutor me on using it, but still I just could not "connect" and every outing with my son became a big deal in the negative sense. My husband who repeated my adventures to his colleagues at work and who was asked from the birth what gift he wanted was happy when it was suggested that his coworkers collect money to put together a new pram for us. They ended up collecting 4/5 of the value of the selected pram I was pining for and in return we invited the 25 contributors to a cheese fondue dinner at our house.

I now go out with my son daily in his pram and enjoy it very much. My advice to a new mother would be that a stroller is one thing you will use plenty in the first 3 years of your child's life. So get something you are confirmable with. Do not save on a stroller, it will return every cent of your investment. You can save on toys and clothes and even a baby bed, but the stroller needs to be just right! It will be your baby's transport method for many a day.

April 6th, 2008 - You Have Definitely Discovered Your Feet

April 6^th , 2008 – 4 months and one week old

You have definitely discovered your feet.

Today mom saw you grabbing your feet with your hands. It is not yet clear if you know that these strange things are indeed feet or if you are aware that they belong to you, but you definitely know that they exist and are worth grabbing for… Mommy has been suspecting some time that your feet have begun to play a role in your life, because you started lifting them a log more often (great for your abs…) and you also tried to grab them with your hand in the last 2 weeks or so, but today this action has met with definite success in front of mom's eyes for the first time! Hence this is another proud moment day for you and mommy

As mommy is writing the above few lines you have randomly turned a small music box on in your pen! Wow! Although random, mommy will also count this as a proud moment! Two in one day! Yeppeeeee

A Lazy Mommy Moment - April 3, 2008

Recently Jonathan has taken to make the middle of the night (very early morning) feeding a very long one. He eats for about 30 minutes and almost falls asleep, I start to look forward to returning to my bed and yet he is not peaceful. As is on queue, as soon as I lay in bed again, I hear him wailing ... and so I get up again, try to get him to sleep, rock him in my arms and another half hour goes by. Now he is hungry again. He stopped eating earlier and I was sure he was done, and now he eats again all greedy sucking quickly... usually after this second round of food he eventually falls asleep again and after an hour of forced wakefulness I return to bed.

Last night, on April 3rd, 2008 this was not the case. Jonathan called again and we went through the routine of mom's arms and some more to eat for the third time. Yet he was not at peace, but dead tired...so I gave up and shook my husband and informed him it was his turn. Lutz (my husband) got up, checked the diaper and gave him food for the fourth time and still he was not quiet. At this moment I just lost it! Or perhaps one might say I had an enlightenment; as Jonathan had eaten plenty and was safe in his bed (he can roll and move about a lot but he still cannot get out of his bed! thanks God!) I decided he could be left to his own devices and could try to put himself to sleep. And so I had a lazy mommy moment and asked my husband to simply close the door to our room. The sounds from Jonathan's room were hence weakened and we could both continue to sleep.

This morning I hardly heard Jonathan because of the closed door and only woke up when he was crying loudly. I guess I earned about 10 minutes more sleep... In a new parent's life, every second of sleep counts :-)

A New Mom Means There is Also a New Dad Out There Somewhere…

My husband complained last week that I am not writing about him at all. He said that except a small entry in the first blog (in which I wrote that I cannot actually write about the experiences of a new dad), I have not mentioned him at all, and it is as if he does not exist.

So, I have decided to dedicate this entry to the new daddy, even though my husband may not like all that I have o say about this subject. Once again, I do not pretend to be able to write about what a new daddy goes through, but I can write about what a new mom observes when she watches the new daddy with the new baby.

The truth is that at first in a way the new daddy really does not exist. A new mom is so concentrated in herself, her baby and her needs that the new daddy is basically another person who can help out, along with grandma, sisters and aunts. The other side if this observation is that the new daddy is probably as much in shock as the new mom, terrified in fact, but the lucky bastard can take his distance (a luxury a new mother does not have, even if she needs it as much as the new father) and try to work out the new situation in his head, slowly learning to understand the new situation of having a family.

My husband only started being really active in his son's life at around the 3 rd month of Jonathan's life. In fact the big change in my husband's behavior was connected to the fact that my maternity leave was over and I started working too. Until that point, it was as if it was legitimate, and even expected, that only I stand up at night to answer our son's hungry call, because I was on "vacation" and could sleep late because I did not have to go to work. And in the evening, after a day at work, all my husband wanted was his peace and quiet. For my husband, as long as I was in maternity leave, we were dividing the load in a fair way because he was going to work and bring in our "bread" and I was a stay at home (maternity leave) mom.

I am sure that he will deny this, if asked. But this is just the way it was. This just seemed legitimate to him that I be responsible for our son (because it is my role in life, no?) and the fact that I was being paid from the Israeli social security for the time I was staying at home, and hence also generously contributing to our income was just not relevant to his male reasoning. To me, I admit, this was a source of continuing frustration. I just could not understand what seemed his lack of interest in his son. However, once I understood that my husband is in shock from the newness of it all combined with very deep integrated male chauvinism that can hit any normal male that the woman should be in charge of the entire "baby issue" I decided to quit being angry and to channel my energy towards making him understand that in future our duties will be divided in a different way. After all a good marriage is all about compromise, understanding … and female manipulation… And so, I set to informing him, repeatedly, that as soon as my maternity leave is over he will need to partake more in the care of his son, including in the middle of the night.

Around the third month of Jonathan's life my husband's behavior seemed to "turn around". My efforts did not remain without result. He now also gets up at night, although still with much reluctance and still not as much as I do. We try to divide the feeding so that we both take turns giving our son the bottle and twice a week its daddy's turn to take Jonathan to the day care center. On weekends I do my best to give my husband more room to be with Jonathan because he does not see much of him during the week. My husband's working hours are unfortunately such that Jonathan is already asleep when he returns from work. It is not always easy for me to move away and give my boys their together time. On the other hand I also need my distance and to get a bit of rest from the baby. I try to pick up my energies in the weekend and leave Jonathan to his daddy's care. I am not always successful in this, but then that is usually my fault and not my husband's lack of willingness.

I know it might sound like my husband has no interest in his son, which is of course not true. He is in fact now a very interested if not always a willing helper. Any help is not only welcome to a new mother, but is a necessity. I take my hat off when I see a single mom, because I know how much work raising a child is, and I have only just started! I consider myself very lucky that I did find a man (at last at the age of 30! After at least 5 years of panic that I will never be married… If only a 25 year old woman could know for sure that she will be married at 30, then she would have a good time rather than panic for 5 years) and have a baby with a partner.

The first time I saw my husband I was tired in a train station at ten o'clock at night. But the next morning, as I watched him with his nieces at breakfast, I knew this man could be a great daddy. This was one of the reasons I fell in love with him. I still believe this is so, and that my husband's skills in taking care of our son and his attachment to the baby will only improve in time. After all, I too was not attached to our son all at once, and I did have maternity leave, and so was able to spend many hours with Jonathan and to bond with him.

My husband does not have this luxury and it is only natural that his bonding process with Jonathan is a slower one. My husband's working hours are really a drag! They are not flexible and so he must make do with the little time he has. He sees him mainly at night, in the late midnight feeding which he regularly undertakes. I do the 3:00 o'clock early in the morning feeding. Mornings, as already mentioned are our weakness, and I hate getting up as much as my husband does. We lie in bed and nudge each other when Jonathan wakes up at 6:00 AM, until one of us gives up and goes to get the breakfast bottle for the little one. In the words of Paul Raiser "It's your turn". This is definitely the most important phrase in a new parent's life, especially if that parent is not a morning person…