Jonathan is a bit behind on his speech if you ask the doctors, we even went through some hearing tests with him and he refuse to articulate one verb in the children nurse’s presence. Still he clearly learns new things every day.
We are at the stage that he imitates words I say – even if not exactly – and he even corrects himself if I repeat the words often and slowly enough, thus insisting on having a response from him, while also training his hearing to the correct articulation. He also can answer in Hebrew regarding a matter being discussed in German in his presence, or the opposite (does not happen often). He knows that mommy talks in one language (Hebrew) and that a conversation with daddy is conducted in another language (German). He clearly uses the suitable language at the right occasion.
When he is counting he likes to switch between the two languages for fun. He knows how to count to ten in both languages. It’s a game in which he says one number, I the next and then he says the following number and so on. If he switches languages during such a counting session, so do I. He is always leading, and I am responding.
He invents songs to suit his purpose. For example, he says the blessing for food, which he has been taught in kindergarten, changing the sentence that specifies what is being eaten. This is his way of requesting a particular item for his dinner. Sometimes he just changes the words of a beloved tune because his thoughts are preoccupied with something else. This is why he recently has been seen repeating sing the word “balloon” again and again to the tune of a simple nursery rhyme. Singing is also a great way to get my attention, because he knows I will smile and nod at his song and even join in, singing the words with him or dancing the steps as the song requires.
As Jonathan has to cope with two languages he may be indeed a little behind in his use of each one. Only recently did he start using verbs in a direct form (not infinitive). His first full sentence was “I want a hug”! Oh boy! Did he get a hug that day! You bet! Other speech pearls include: No way!” (in Hebrew: lo, ma pitom), come play (boi lesachek), encouraging words (kadima!), self congratulations (kol hakavod, or just hakavod or the latest addition “mezuyan” for well done!) while clapping his hands together, clear requests (saying, crying or screaming the word please – tone dependant on situation), saying thank you every time you give him something (“toda raba” in Hebrew to mommy and “danke” to daddy)- my boy is very polite! Just last weekend he made a request communicating a series of actions that was to bring him towards his target. He showed me that we need to leave the house and use the car to get to grandma (he generally connect the car with the drive to my parent’s home).
With a combination of actions and words he communicates what he needs. He uses simple means but he gets the message through. Pointing to my shoes and even taking them off is a signal that I have come home, must stay and relax. He likes to do this when I return from work, so show me his wish that I now stay home (with him). His negotiation skills are also becoming more varied, as his vocabulary increases. His first negotiation skill was to use tears, trying to wail me into giving him what he wants. Now he tries to get things in small doses, working on the concept of many small additions will eventually amount to some volume. Thus the expressions “just one more” or “the very last one” (in Hebrew “acharon chaviv”), “another one? Yes?” )in Hebrew “od echad, ken?” and “is that OK? (beseder?) are becoming more frequent.
I will give him lets say one balloon, then he requests another and I refuse. He insists, wailing and not letting go of the subject until I agree to one more. He takes it and then works on the nest one, just one more, he tries, last one. Yes? or maybe he will attack with “the very very last one, OK? It takes a woman made of iron to refuse such cute requests, all the more so when he so politely adds, please (bevakasha balon) and then says “thank you very much” (toda raba) so nicely once he is given what is was (the balloon) that he requested.
Monday, June 14, 2010
The Era of “I”
Jonathan has reached the golden age of “I”. He must do everything himself, or complain heavily when it’s not possible. This leaves me with three probable scenarios: he really does it alone; we do it together or tears.
The precious combination of words “only me” (spoken in Hebrew with left our consonants – something like “onnimi” in English) are now Jonathan’s bread and butter. He has reached an age in which he constantly wants to exercise his independence, and not only that – he enjoys expressing his wish to do so.
As his mother, I want o encourage this independence, to give him a chance to try things out and yet, I walk the thin line of not going totally nuts every time he spills chocolate (very hard to remove stain) on a white shirt, tosses sand all over the house in an effort to remove his shoes himself and spilling soup just because you were trying to help him prevent the spill at the wrong moment. According to the rate he has been moving his books around the house (a whole pile by himself!) he could easily develop a career in moving. And the amounts of chocolate powder that he has spilled in the effort to make his own drink can probably feed a brood of needy children.
Another sensitive point is time lost due to the many little delays caused by the fact that my little big man want to do it all himself! The mothers among you will surely remember the scene of having the house door you just opened (in order to leave) being shut ruthlessly (in your face?) and the piping voice of your little tyrant commanding you “no mama, onnimi!” This can be even more annoying when you are especially in a hurry. Just when you really need to go out of the house, he will of course absolutely refuse to put on a shirt because you are the one who took it out of the closet. Oh, he also select his diaper (he wants the elephant and not the bear – makes you wonder why Pampers have put different animals on the diapers… Huggies at least all have the same design – Disney’s Winnie the Poo) – but selecting it is not enough – he wants to take it out of the pack and even put is on himself! Do you really always have time for this ceremony?
Every small action becomes a point of discussion. You either let him do it alone, you negotiate the option of doing something together or you brace yourself for tears. The tears will also come when he does not succeed in taking action independently. In order to avoid the tears and to get things done in reasonable time span you need to find a way to assist him in a way that he will either accept (together is better) or not notice.
The only time he does not want to do things himself, is when he can order you around. Who needs dolls or puppets when mommy is the best marionette that has ever been produced! “Mommy, chocho!” When he wants another chocolate drink brought to him because you already sent him to bed. Or screeching an items name because it fell behind the sofa while the little emperor was playing with it. And then just when you have bent down to get it, he shows initiative again and wants to help you get it, but kneeling down next to you. Such sweet encouragement is reward enough…
Your negotiation skills need to be polished. A talking toddler is an arguing toddler. Suddenly you find yourself needing to explain to your strapping boy why one needs to go to bed, or take a bath. You might even get a logically correct or even a reasonable reply that will show you that your reasoning is at fault – and indeed it is not yet time to go to bed because something else needs to be done first. The toddler’s negotiation skills and manipulation skills are fast growing, just like the nervous connections that are created daily in his brain.
A mother is even rewarded when her little independent boy scolds her: it really does not matter what it is they do not want you to do – it’s so sweet to hear “no, no mama- forbidden! Stop!” for the first time (waving a warning finger at you too), you almost forget what it was you wanted them to do before you were so skillfully scolded. As it is done with such simple means, you must applaud the performance – all the more so, because if you did not have the sense of humor to do so, you would indeed go nuts. You know you have been out-maneuvered again, but at least you can go down smiling.
The precious combination of words “only me” (spoken in Hebrew with left our consonants – something like “onnimi” in English) are now Jonathan’s bread and butter. He has reached an age in which he constantly wants to exercise his independence, and not only that – he enjoys expressing his wish to do so.
As his mother, I want o encourage this independence, to give him a chance to try things out and yet, I walk the thin line of not going totally nuts every time he spills chocolate (very hard to remove stain) on a white shirt, tosses sand all over the house in an effort to remove his shoes himself and spilling soup just because you were trying to help him prevent the spill at the wrong moment. According to the rate he has been moving his books around the house (a whole pile by himself!) he could easily develop a career in moving. And the amounts of chocolate powder that he has spilled in the effort to make his own drink can probably feed a brood of needy children.
Another sensitive point is time lost due to the many little delays caused by the fact that my little big man want to do it all himself! The mothers among you will surely remember the scene of having the house door you just opened (in order to leave) being shut ruthlessly (in your face?) and the piping voice of your little tyrant commanding you “no mama, onnimi!” This can be even more annoying when you are especially in a hurry. Just when you really need to go out of the house, he will of course absolutely refuse to put on a shirt because you are the one who took it out of the closet. Oh, he also select his diaper (he wants the elephant and not the bear – makes you wonder why Pampers have put different animals on the diapers… Huggies at least all have the same design – Disney’s Winnie the Poo) – but selecting it is not enough – he wants to take it out of the pack and even put is on himself! Do you really always have time for this ceremony?
Every small action becomes a point of discussion. You either let him do it alone, you negotiate the option of doing something together or you brace yourself for tears. The tears will also come when he does not succeed in taking action independently. In order to avoid the tears and to get things done in reasonable time span you need to find a way to assist him in a way that he will either accept (together is better) or not notice.
The only time he does not want to do things himself, is when he can order you around. Who needs dolls or puppets when mommy is the best marionette that has ever been produced! “Mommy, chocho!” When he wants another chocolate drink brought to him because you already sent him to bed. Or screeching an items name because it fell behind the sofa while the little emperor was playing with it. And then just when you have bent down to get it, he shows initiative again and wants to help you get it, but kneeling down next to you. Such sweet encouragement is reward enough…
Your negotiation skills need to be polished. A talking toddler is an arguing toddler. Suddenly you find yourself needing to explain to your strapping boy why one needs to go to bed, or take a bath. You might even get a logically correct or even a reasonable reply that will show you that your reasoning is at fault – and indeed it is not yet time to go to bed because something else needs to be done first. The toddler’s negotiation skills and manipulation skills are fast growing, just like the nervous connections that are created daily in his brain.
A mother is even rewarded when her little independent boy scolds her: it really does not matter what it is they do not want you to do – it’s so sweet to hear “no, no mama- forbidden! Stop!” for the first time (waving a warning finger at you too), you almost forget what it was you wanted them to do before you were so skillfully scolded. As it is done with such simple means, you must applaud the performance – all the more so, because if you did not have the sense of humor to do so, you would indeed go nuts. You know you have been out-maneuvered again, but at least you can go down smiling.
A Birthday Party for Mommy
A birthday party for mommy is an occasion to find out exactly how much Jonathan’s has learned about this cause for celebration in Kindergarten. At the beginning of the year, when he was 2 years old he still did not quite get it, but 6 months later, approaching my own birthday and understanding how important this theme has become to him, I invite the family to celebrate my birthday over coffee and cake, with candles of course…
When Jonathan sings a happy birthday” song, he usually sings it for himself. “Happy birthday to Jonathan, happy birthday to you!”. There is no reasoning with him. It can only be his birthday! He is the center of his little world. The fact that it is my birthday that triggers the party is irrelevant. No matter! He sings for himself. And if I am honest, I am celebrating with family guests for Jonathan rather than for myself. It might as well be indeed his birthday.
I put the candles in the cake and he is disappointed when I do not allow him to take them out. Then I light them and he is exited, forgetting his disappointment in the expectation of blowing them out. We all sing aloud and then count to three for blowing up the candles – the ladies among us pretending, rather than blowing air. My brother in law however thinks Jonathan needs help blowing out the candles and so he blows hard and blows them out. Poor Jonathan was so disappointed! He starts to cry! And all the mothers in the room (grandmothers included) turn to scold my poor brother in law for his lack of under standing. So we light the candles again and this time Jonathan gets to first enjoy the flames (interesting stuff! But he knows he may not get too close) and then he blows them out all by himself!
After the candles have been blown out, Jonathan proves that he understands good manners and hospitality. He goes around serving people cake like a proud peacock showing his tail. He receives the pieces of cake form me served in plastic plates and he offers them to the guests, distributing cake until all have gotten a piece and only then does he take a piece for himself.
For a whole week afterwords, he wants to put candles on the remains of the cake himself, and then light them and blow them out each morning. He knows where to find birthday candles in the cupboard in the kitchen and eventually does mind lighting them even without the cake (it is eaten after a few days). After about a week, he looses interest in the candle lighting ceremony – but the birthday songs keep coming up. If he is singing one of them, I know that yet another child has had his birthday celebrated in kindergarten. If Jonathan also turns up with a small gift, I can be 100% sure that this is the case. I am only left to hope, that now that he grasps the concept of the party and what fun a birthday party can be that he will enjoy his 3rd birthday celebration (in kindergarten and at home) much more than last year.
When Jonathan sings a happy birthday” song, he usually sings it for himself. “Happy birthday to Jonathan, happy birthday to you!”. There is no reasoning with him. It can only be his birthday! He is the center of his little world. The fact that it is my birthday that triggers the party is irrelevant. No matter! He sings for himself. And if I am honest, I am celebrating with family guests for Jonathan rather than for myself. It might as well be indeed his birthday.
I put the candles in the cake and he is disappointed when I do not allow him to take them out. Then I light them and he is exited, forgetting his disappointment in the expectation of blowing them out. We all sing aloud and then count to three for blowing up the candles – the ladies among us pretending, rather than blowing air. My brother in law however thinks Jonathan needs help blowing out the candles and so he blows hard and blows them out. Poor Jonathan was so disappointed! He starts to cry! And all the mothers in the room (grandmothers included) turn to scold my poor brother in law for his lack of under standing. So we light the candles again and this time Jonathan gets to first enjoy the flames (interesting stuff! But he knows he may not get too close) and then he blows them out all by himself!
After the candles have been blown out, Jonathan proves that he understands good manners and hospitality. He goes around serving people cake like a proud peacock showing his tail. He receives the pieces of cake form me served in plastic plates and he offers them to the guests, distributing cake until all have gotten a piece and only then does he take a piece for himself.
For a whole week afterwords, he wants to put candles on the remains of the cake himself, and then light them and blow them out each morning. He knows where to find birthday candles in the cupboard in the kitchen and eventually does mind lighting them even without the cake (it is eaten after a few days). After about a week, he looses interest in the candle lighting ceremony – but the birthday songs keep coming up. If he is singing one of them, I know that yet another child has had his birthday celebrated in kindergarten. If Jonathan also turns up with a small gift, I can be 100% sure that this is the case. I am only left to hope, that now that he grasps the concept of the party and what fun a birthday party can be that he will enjoy his 3rd birthday celebration (in kindergarten and at home) much more than last year.
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