Jonathan’s speech therapy seams to finally take effect. With his improvement is conversation come also the first signs of imagination games (this is somehow connected to my understanding) . His teddy bear is playing a large role in Jonathan’s pretending games. The bear called “Dubbon” must do everything and share everything with the boy – resulting in higher frequency washing for the somewhat battered doll.
If daddy carries Jonathan on his shoulder, then Jonathan needs to carry Dubbon on his shoulders. Together the three make a very cute tower. When Jonathan is drinking, Dubbon must too. If Jonathan is sliding in the playground, so is Dubbon and when Jonathan rides his red tri-cycle, Dubbon is positioned between his legs on the seat. After Jonathan helps me prepare him a cup of chocolate drink, Dubbon must also have a cup. It remains an interesting point who eventually drinks the extra cup, Jonathan or mommy. When Jonthan is watching TV, Dubbon is seated in the plastic chair next to him watching too. When we read a bedtime story, Dubbon is also seated in mommy’s lap listening attentively. At such moments I cannot help thinking that thankfully Dubbon is rather quiet and well behaved…
Dubbon goes everywhere with him and I am in constant fear that the doll may be lost. It’s true that we have a similar doll that Jonathan has named “Teddy”, who is acceptable as a cuddling alternative when Dubbon is not around (like when he is being washed) but Jonathan is just not attached to this proxy. Whenever I let Teddy out of the drawer to take Dubbon’s place ever so temporarily, I allow Teddy to remain alongside the returned Dubbon and thus both bears remain acceptable alternatives. But two bears is too much for Jonathan to hold and its very cute to watch him try to cuddle two bears, or get them both to sit nicely in his lap for the bedtime story. After a few days I relieve him of this duty by returning Teddy to the drawer and allowing Dubbon his all too natural rule.
Teddy is just not really a replacement for Dubbon. Besides, it turns out that Teddy is a girl and Dubbon is a boy - even though the dolls have no indication of sex whatsoever. Jonathan’s interest in gender has finally surfaced and we went over the theme of pregnancy and boys and girls have different private parts rather intensively in the last month or so… The fact that my sister was 8 month pregnant at the time proved most helpful to deal with the question of “where do babies come from?” which naturally relates to the theme of boys and girls are different. I raided the book shops and purchased 6 different books in different levels to deal with any questions with colourful happy pictures and rhymes…
Jonathan also likes to share many of his activities with me, a little compulsive and dependant on mommy if you ask me - but on the other hand it can be so gratifying to be so needed. He wants to sit in my chair and demands that we change places. Then he remembers that the chair I am using is actually his, so we change back. He shares his food with me, even feeds me (saying “open a big mouth now mommy… and “flying “the food into it for enhancement – he is especially happy if I close my mouth and the “plane” crashes into it). He likes me give me his things as gifts. “one for Jonathan and one for mommy” is a reoccurring sentence, that is connected to almost anything (lately the version one more mommy, one for Dubbon and one for Jonathan” is also being heard more often). If he is eating a cookie he wants me to have one too. If he is looking at a book, he wants me to do so too. Jonathan also tries to share and participate in my experiences. Thus if I am cleaning, he wants to clean too (making quite a mess with a mop and water). He also likes to help with the washing. Putting in the soap and pressing the button, Dubbon needs to also press the button – thus sharing my chore.
We were stuck in traffic one afternoon and I opened a window to inquire from the drivers standing outside what was going on (some problems with a truck in a narrow side street). Jonathan wanted to open his window too, so he too could shout out. We ended up chanting together in rhythm “open the street, open the street!” and while I used the horn of the car, he used a whistle he had with him. He totally immersed himself in my concern with the traffic and was very instrumental in turning an otherwise stressed, tedious and impatient quarter of a hour into a smiling game for me. As Dubbon was not around, Jonathan did not need to think of a creative function for the bear in the rather ridiculous and fun scene that developed. Chanting the street opening manta (without horns) became a favourite car pastime in the following days, regardless of the true traffic situation. In fact its great fun to chant in an empty street!
Sometimes I wonder if Jonathan’s total adoption of Dubbon as a “best friend” who shares all and his dependence on my company are his alternative for his lack of siblings, but things do not always work out the way we want them to… Dubbon and myself both lose importance (even though he is always on the lookout for me to some extent) when other children are around (cousins he meets at my mother’s or friends in the play ground). I guess I will have to wait and see if my concern has any real basis.
Having just spent a week together on vacation he has enjoyed greater freedom in having the bear at his side almost all the time and spending lots of time with mommy. This has increased his dependence on my company and that of the bear. The return to routine and kindergarten is tough. Jonathan cries once again at separation in the morning (a phenomena we have not seen in recent months)and wishes repeatedly to go home (where I believe he enjoys more freedom, less structure and less discipline than in kindergarten). Dubbon was allowed to go to kindergarten with him (at the advice of the kindergarten teacher, who thinks the doll can help soothe the boy) and so his foot was marked for identification (there is a very similar teddy bear belonging to another child and the last thing I need is confusion between the two).
Dubbon has a busy life, and needs to be washed more often. All things considered, tough, the doll is rather in good condition despite about 2.5 years of intensive use (Jonathan has him since 6 months of age, Teddy is newer and joined us when Jonathan was 2 years old). I admit I am fascinated how Jonathan finds ways to integrate the doll into his life. I can only hope this is a sign of normal development and imagination games, and not the beginning of a long dependence saga.
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