A Matter of Choice

As a toddler grows, so does he wish to be more independent. Each baby has his/her own way of challenging parents in the strife for independence – Jonathan way is being the king of choice.

Actually, the books say that choice is a very good thing for a two year old (the books say nothing about the wellbeing of the parents though...). Giving your little one a choice is a way to show your child that you trust them and want them to share in the burden of decision making. In taking part in such activity they build a strong self esteem and are supposedly more assured and happier.

Jonathan loves to choose, and I have discovered it is indeed easier if I let him choose – all within certain limits of course. For example: we use Pampers because this is more or less the only diaper big enough for Jonathan, but Pampers have different animal drawings on them (unlike Huggies, that are also big enough but all diapers in one package have the same drawing – usually Disney...but mommy did not choose Huggies...). So Jonathan wants to select which animals he may use as underwear each morning... At first the diaper drawer was full and Jonathan would turn over 10 diapers and make a big mess, until I lost my temper. It took me three days to think of a solution, but then I came up with the ingenious idea of hiding our diapers stock and putting only two units in the drawer that Jonathan knows as the “diaper depot”. This way he gets to choose between two units (and even returns the unchosen nappy to its place – he insists on returning it) and I get some peace. He also chooses his shirts, socks and trousers – this time its more difficult, because there are more than two options to choose from for each item.

The song says “Three is a magic number” and I admit being a family with one child is indeed magical, even if albeit hard work. But in the case of a two year old, two is definitely the magic number – two nappies to choose from, two pairs of shoes to choose from - two fruit juice flavors to choose from, chocolate or milk – two powders to choose from.

We have about 20 DVD's that are intended for children and are all located together in one box – so as there are more than two – we have a big mess and Jonathan has fun making it. Jonathan is always wanting to change the DVD that is playing – I have tried offering only two (or 4 DVD's) and yet he insists on having the whole box to choose from. I think what really turns him on in this case is operating the DVD player, and not so much choosing what will be played.

Jonathan has also two parents he can choose from – and he chooses where he feels he will get the best deal. If I do not allow something he will run to my husband and try again...
Like any two year old he has a preference for mommy, but the way I see it – when he is old enough to play soccer, my golden era will be over and his daddy (and grandpa) will be the star(s) of his life – that is until friends take our place...

Jonathan also has two languages to choose from. And it seams more clear as the days go by that he really does understands that there are indeed two separate languages; Hebrew and German. His father takes him once a week to a German speaking play group and we hope this will strengthen his German skills. After all, as Jonathan is growing up in Israel, he is surrounded by Hebrew speakers (kindergarten, family etc.) and German is connected only to his father who speaks it with him. I also speak German but only when I am with both my husband and Jonathan (other wise I speak Hebrew to the boy). Jonathan has already used a few words in German – mostly counting to three and protesting and saying no! (nein) when he disagrees with his father. If saying no in Hebrew does not work, he will try it in German – no matter with whom he is speaking. Jonathan is making the most of his choices in this case. (There is one word he has adopted from English – mouse, as in Micky mouse, he got it off a Children's DVD.)
Jonathan has also two favorite themes which he likes to talk about – animals and numbers. Again its all a matter of choice and two is indeed a magical source of options.

One of the clear choices Jonathan made recently was to choose to no longer sleep in a baby bed. One day he simply started laying down to sleep on the mattress I usually used to lie near him until he fell asleep (in the baby bed). And so we both lied don the floor together and read together and sang together until he slept. Therefore, we recently purchased Jonathan a bed for big kids, so now there are two mattresses to choose from. Jonathan has chosen to sleep on the lower one. At first I lifted him up to the higher one and then closed the lower mattress (its an opening bed for friends, and for parents that must stick around in the middle of the night...) but eventually I accepted his choice and even find it a bit safer – should he roll off the bed, he will only “drop” 20 cm from the lower mattress. IF he wakes me up in the middle of the night, then I sometimes lie (and fall asleep) on the higher mattress to be near him in comfort.

We even have two books we take to bed when Jonathan goes to sleep. One is a classical children's story about 5 balloons that I grew up with and Jonathan loves to tell me himself – by mimicking parts of the story (he still does not really talk except single words and syllables and distortions, no sentences). And another is a book with animal pictures, we have a song for each animal (did I mention he loves animals?). My Jonathan loves to sing! He sings better than he talks and he learns words from the songs. Just like in the ABBA song...
This singing and story telling time in the evening is some of the best “quality time” my son and I spend together, and yet I must shorten it, as I wish to teach Jonathan to put himself to sleep – in the hope that this way he will be board and will fall asleep faster. Today was the first trial and Jonathan chose to get out of bed and call us again and again, until my husband gave in and came to sit with him until he fell asleep – but we hope he will get the hang of it soon – after all this is one of choices his parents are making for him...