Its been almost a month since I returned from a 10 day business trip, and only now I am ready to write about my fears. I did fly once before for a weekend and was gone for three days – but this time it was a longer trip and my conscience played the mamba on the strings of my sole.
As I prepared for a 10 day trip abroad for business, I kept wondering exactly how long is Jonathan's memory. At almost two years of age, he was always showing us more surprising evidence of what he learns and remembers. He is especially good at navigating (just last weekend he took me to a house of another boy his age. He wanted to visit his friend and simply knew the way...). I was always wondering if he would forget me because of a long absence. Would he reject me? Oh! Just the thought pierced my sole.
There was also my husband. He was to remain home with Jonathan for 10 days straight! Alone!
I would be lying if I would write that I was not concerned. Not that I do not think my husband can care for the boy – of course he can! My concern was more for Jonathan's routine. In our household I am the stricter parent when it comes to routine. My husband is more easy going.
When my husband traveled abroad for 14 days two weeks before my trip, it took Jonathan about a day and a half to get used to him again when he returned, even though it was clear that Jonathan never forgot his daddy. During the time my husband was away, Jonathan stuck to me like glue (even more than usual)- it was as if he was feeling the loss of one parent (his absent father) and was thus guarding the remaining care giver (his mommy) with special care. He basically did not let me out of his sight and followed me wherever I went when we were together. It was because of this that I called on my mother and brother to visit and relieve my husband a little during my absence. This way, I hoped to compensate Jonathan for his absent mommy by supplying alternative sources of love. They both dutifully came and Jonathan got a little family TLC .
I dutifully called every evening to speak to him and insisted that he hear my voice. My husband was always happy to hear my voice and talk to me, but not so my son who did not want to talk on the phone. As the days went by, Jonathan rejected the phone more aggressively and my heart broke. I was already imagining that he would simply turn his back on me when I came back.
What actually happened was that the moment he saw me he hugged me and immediately sat on my lap and we watched DVD together the whole morning (I took him to kindergarten late that day – another compensation, trying to make up for the “together time” lost). The only problem we had was a renewed difficulty to separate from me, when I took him to kindergarten in the following days . The solution was that for a while my husband took him in the mornings to ease the separation process. Only now, after a month, I am seeing that he once again has no problem when coming to kindergarten in the morning – and even if he still does not like it that I leave he loves the care givers there and plays and is a happy and thriving boy!
Even as I was preparing for the trip it was obvious that everything will be OK. That the only party to suffer anything at all from thew trip is me. Ironically, the chances are that Jonathan will not remember the time that I was away (he is too small) when he is older. It is I who will always remember all the doubts and fears associated with the trip!
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