The Era of “I”

Jonathan has reached the golden age of “I”. He must do everything himself, or complain heavily when it’s not possible. This leaves me with three probable scenarios: he really does it alone; we do it together or tears.

The precious combination of words “only me” (spoken in Hebrew with left our consonants – something like “onnimi” in English) are now Jonathan’s bread and butter. He has reached an age in which he constantly wants to exercise his independence, and not only that – he enjoys expressing his wish to do so.

As his mother, I want o encourage this independence, to give him a chance to try things out and yet, I walk the thin line of not going totally nuts every time he spills chocolate (very hard to remove stain) on a white shirt, tosses sand all over the house in an effort to remove his shoes himself and spilling soup just because you were trying to help him prevent the spill at the wrong moment. According to the rate he has been moving his books around the house (a whole pile by himself!) he could easily develop a career in moving. And the amounts of chocolate powder that he has spilled in the effort to make his own drink can probably feed a brood of needy children.

Another sensitive point is time lost due to the many little delays caused by the fact that my little big man want to do it all himself! The mothers among you will surely remember the scene of having the house door you just opened (in order to leave) being shut ruthlessly (in your face?) and the piping voice of your little tyrant commanding you “no mama, onnimi!” This can be even more annoying when you are especially in a hurry. Just when you really need to go out of the house, he will of course absolutely refuse to put on a shirt because you are the one who took it out of the closet. Oh, he also select his diaper (he wants the elephant and not the bear – makes you wonder why Pampers have put different animals on the diapers… Huggies at least all have the same design – Disney’s Winnie the Poo) – but selecting it is not enough – he wants to take it out of the pack and even put is on himself! Do you really always have time for this ceremony?

Every small action becomes a point of discussion. You either let him do it alone, you negotiate the option of doing something together or you brace yourself for tears. The tears will also come when he does not succeed in taking action independently. In order to avoid the tears and to get things done in reasonable time span you need to find a way to assist him in a way that he will either accept (together is better) or not notice.

The only time he does not want to do things himself, is when he can order you around. Who needs dolls or puppets when mommy is the best marionette that has ever been produced! “Mommy, chocho!” When he wants another chocolate drink brought to him because you already sent him to bed. Or screeching an items name because it fell behind the sofa while the little emperor was playing with it. And then just when you have bent down to get it, he shows initiative again and wants to help you get it, but kneeling down next to you. Such sweet encouragement is reward enough…

Your negotiation skills need to be polished. A talking toddler is an arguing toddler. Suddenly you find yourself needing to explain to your strapping boy why one needs to go to bed, or take a bath. You might even get a logically correct or even a reasonable reply that will show you that your reasoning is at fault – and indeed it is not yet time to go to bed because something else needs to be done first. The toddler’s negotiation skills and manipulation skills are fast growing, just like the nervous connections that are created daily in his brain.

A mother is even rewarded when her little independent boy scolds her: it really does not matter what it is they do not want you to do – it’s so sweet to hear “no, no mama- forbidden! Stop!” for the first time (waving a warning finger at you too), you almost forget what it was you wanted them to do before you were so skillfully scolded. As it is done with such simple means, you must applaud the performance – all the more so, because if you did not have the sense of humor to do so, you would indeed go nuts. You know you have been out-maneuvered again, but at least you can go down smiling.

Classical Stories

Today Jonathan provided me with classical material for a documentary. After all , this is what this blog is. First he showed a true sense of independence and target orientation and secondly he “treated” his father to the worse kind of slapstick comedy scenario.

This morning I woke up to the noise of Jonathan wondering about the house. He usually gets up and comes directly to our bed to say good morning, cuddle with mommy and daddy in under the big duvet and even get a chance to jump on the big bed. Sometimes he goes to the living room to play with his toys. This morning he chose not to come and visit us, but rather he walked into the kitchen. When I heard him dragging a chair, I got up to see what he was up to. I found him standing on the chair he had dragged. He had placed it next to the kitchen desk, so he could climb it and reach a box of chocolates that was standing on it. As I entered the kitchen he lifted the box and asked me to open the wrapping of the treats. I told him he cannot have the whole box, but “just one” - so he took one in each hand. He then again requested that I open the wraps, so I opened one treat (the least bad of the two in terms of sugar amounts) and he has sweet puffs for breakfast. One thing is for sure, I moved the bread knives to a higher place...

Today Jonathan's daddy took him out on a “boys afternoon out”. They went to visit a German speaking playmate. These meetings take place once a week and its always fathers and sons. I took the chance to go out with my siblings and so the afternoon together became the whole evening together for father and son. To conclude the evening, my husband gave Jonathan his daily bath. However, as my husband saw fit to report to me immediately, live from the scene of the crime, things took a special turn – towards the slapstick comedy. Just as my husband had put Jonathan into the bath filled with warm water, he turned his back on the boy for a split second and just then Jonathan decided to doo doo in the tub.

The significance of this event is doubled when one takes into account that this kind of “accident” is rare for Jonathan, in fact this is only the second time this has happened to us (I was the victim the first time). So my husband took Jonathan out of the tub, to drain the filthy water and clean it, and just as he did so, Jonathan peed on the bathroom carpet (significance thus tripled). It was at this stage that my husband called me with a full report. The call was short and concise, after all there was much to do – clean the tub, wash the carpet and get Jonathan into a new water filled bath and clean him up too. After this, both my boys were so tired that Jonathan went directly to bed.

We are just going through the first stages of getting Jonathan “off” the diapers. As the boys were from home today, Jonathan was wearing a nappy. Perhaps the confusion of the potty training in what got him all exited. Can this be the reason for today's display? Who can tell. We however have a funny story to smile on for days to come (even my husband can laugh and enjoy, now that he is no longer standing in a room that is literally “full of shit” with the prospect of having to clean it up).