The Era of “I”

Jonathan has reached the golden age of “I”. He must do everything himself, or complain heavily when it’s not possible. This leaves me with three probable scenarios: he really does it alone; we do it together or tears.

The precious combination of words “only me” (spoken in Hebrew with left our consonants – something like “onnimi” in English) are now Jonathan’s bread and butter. He has reached an age in which he constantly wants to exercise his independence, and not only that – he enjoys expressing his wish to do so.

As his mother, I want o encourage this independence, to give him a chance to try things out and yet, I walk the thin line of not going totally nuts every time he spills chocolate (very hard to remove stain) on a white shirt, tosses sand all over the house in an effort to remove his shoes himself and spilling soup just because you were trying to help him prevent the spill at the wrong moment. According to the rate he has been moving his books around the house (a whole pile by himself!) he could easily develop a career in moving. And the amounts of chocolate powder that he has spilled in the effort to make his own drink can probably feed a brood of needy children.

Another sensitive point is time lost due to the many little delays caused by the fact that my little big man want to do it all himself! The mothers among you will surely remember the scene of having the house door you just opened (in order to leave) being shut ruthlessly (in your face?) and the piping voice of your little tyrant commanding you “no mama, onnimi!” This can be even more annoying when you are especially in a hurry. Just when you really need to go out of the house, he will of course absolutely refuse to put on a shirt because you are the one who took it out of the closet. Oh, he also select his diaper (he wants the elephant and not the bear – makes you wonder why Pampers have put different animals on the diapers… Huggies at least all have the same design – Disney’s Winnie the Poo) – but selecting it is not enough – he wants to take it out of the pack and even put is on himself! Do you really always have time for this ceremony?

Every small action becomes a point of discussion. You either let him do it alone, you negotiate the option of doing something together or you brace yourself for tears. The tears will also come when he does not succeed in taking action independently. In order to avoid the tears and to get things done in reasonable time span you need to find a way to assist him in a way that he will either accept (together is better) or not notice.

The only time he does not want to do things himself, is when he can order you around. Who needs dolls or puppets when mommy is the best marionette that has ever been produced! “Mommy, chocho!” When he wants another chocolate drink brought to him because you already sent him to bed. Or screeching an items name because it fell behind the sofa while the little emperor was playing with it. And then just when you have bent down to get it, he shows initiative again and wants to help you get it, but kneeling down next to you. Such sweet encouragement is reward enough…

Your negotiation skills need to be polished. A talking toddler is an arguing toddler. Suddenly you find yourself needing to explain to your strapping boy why one needs to go to bed, or take a bath. You might even get a logically correct or even a reasonable reply that will show you that your reasoning is at fault – and indeed it is not yet time to go to bed because something else needs to be done first. The toddler’s negotiation skills and manipulation skills are fast growing, just like the nervous connections that are created daily in his brain.

A mother is even rewarded when her little independent boy scolds her: it really does not matter what it is they do not want you to do – it’s so sweet to hear “no, no mama- forbidden! Stop!” for the first time (waving a warning finger at you too), you almost forget what it was you wanted them to do before you were so skillfully scolded. As it is done with such simple means, you must applaud the performance – all the more so, because if you did not have the sense of humor to do so, you would indeed go nuts. You know you have been out-maneuvered again, but at least you can go down smiling.