I know its not Friday yet, but tomorrow the day care center is closed due to Purim, a Jewish holiday, so I decided to blog a day early…
Did you ever get a chance to hear a baby burp in front of a group of women? No matter what their age, all will immediately sound there approval and appreciation with oohs and aahhs. Isn't it amazing that such things as burps and farts, which are totally rejected by western society at large can become such welcome events when a new born is concerned? Yes, yes, I know that babies are primitive beings who unfortunately cannot release air any other way. It's just that burps and farts coming from babies are not only tolerated as a necessity but celebrated. When your baby burps in public, you as a proud mother stand and gloat as if your son/daughter has just won the Pulitzer Prize, or is it Nobel? (I do not know which one pays more…). Then you talk loudly to your offspring, cooing and congratulating and say something to this effect "oh, sweetie, who just burped/farted for mommy?" thus making sure that anyone around who missed the great performance of your little one can no longer remain ignorant.
I guess the amount of joy connected with such things as burps and farts is directly related to the relief parents will have after such occurrences. Every one knows that babies have gas – even people who have not become parents yet. Why is that? I think this knowledge is in proportion to the suffering and crying that a baby can go through if they do not fart. Babies with a condition of extra strong gas that does not get released and stomach aches cry their parents' hearts and nerves out and this condition has the "honor" of having its own name – Colic. Burps can be just as bothersome if they do not come out, with your baby crying and you not knowing why and feeling so hopeless that you cannot help your helpless child... Usually when a baby cries intensely for no reason the new mom will always be told that its just gas/ tummy problems and that it is typical for the first few months of the baby's life and that the good news is that it eventually goes away. So, when a baby burps or farts, the parent and everyone else around knows that peace is at hand and hence the great joy that follows the airy event.
In general new parents are obsessed with the different holes in their offspring's body. Your newest concerns and field of interest as a mother all have to do with the openings of your child's body, front and back. Mothers and grandmothers can talk about the feeding and peeing habits of their children/grandchildren for hours. When did he last eat, how much? Was it enough? Will he eat again in two/three or perhaps a blessed 6 hours? Did he pee? What about solids? How many times a day should the diaper be full and with what? What should the color be? Opinions vary and the new mom can get quite stressed out if her baby suddenly changes the frequency of his meals or diaper contents.
So, even though I was told in hospital that a baby should pee 6 times in 24 hours and produce more substantial diaper content 3 times a day (which I admit at the first month of his life my son did…) it is also ok if this occurs less often. Our doctor told us that once in 3 days is also good. My son now "performs" once a day and he seems a happy baby. The same goes for eating – as long as your baby is healthy and gaining weight, you are doing just fine and it does not matter that your best friend's child ate double as much when he/she was at the age that your baby is now.
The new mother's life becomes a collection of used up bottles (or sore breasts) and a trash can full of nappies. You obsess about your child's needs and are concerned he is not well every time he makes a sound. In fact, at first you only feel well when he is sound asleep. This is so because when he sleeps this is a signal that all is well, but there is also another reason - The main object of the new parent is to shut the baby up! Sad to admit, but still true. We keep stuffing bottles and pacifiers in their mouths and pray they will fall asleep so we can do something else (the washing, cleaning, emails and of course get some sleep!) and regain the feeling of freedom that was lost to us the moment he was born. (I know I write in masculine language, but hey I do have a son not a daughter, so mothers to daughters please forgive me).
In my case the whole process of getting used to being a mom was all about learning not to just think about shutting my son up and getting some freedom again. It took a while not just to bond with my son but also to learn to think positive around him. Like play with him and enjoy his company and not just think of how to get him back to his crib so I could continue to live my life…
My son is now 3 months old and we are totally in love with each other. It is a rewarding experience to have him in my arms and to care for him, day and night. This does not mean that this is also not exhausting and hard work. But when he laughs at me and recognizes my voice then it is all worth it. I still obsess about his needs but I no longer panic, after all every day brings new experiences. Sometimes I still want to just shut him up and see him sleeping, especially at the end of a long day together, but I have also learned to understand that that too is part of parenting.
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