Information is Knowledge

I have always maintained that the world is full of information and that people are dyeing to share theirs with you, if you only know how to ask. When you are pregnant, or a new mother, you don't have to ask, people will share all their hard earned knowledge with you, weather you like it or not! This knowledge however comes in little bits and peaces and is no use when trying to build the complete picture. Any effort to get a proportional view of birth and parenthood is thus due to end in frustration.

It all starts when you are pregnant. Perhaps Israelis are an especially nosy lot, but once my belly started projecting at about 6 months people just started talking to me. It's like my pregnancy has become national property and everyone may give their two cents about it (not to mention, feel free to touch my new rounded front).

They all start with a polite congratulation, but then they go right to the point – and the point is, to share their worse birth experience ever! (or their cousin's, best friend's, work college or just any other woman who has given birth will do).

When I was nine months pregnant and on the verge of the hospital's door (home births are not popular in Israel – no wonder, after all the bad experiences you pick up on the street its no wonder future moms are to afraid to give birth outside of a medical facility) a lady took the trouble of sharing all her 6 children's birth stories. I have to wonder how she survived such a row of catastrophes. The first had no air, the second was backwards, and with the third she almost dies after 50 hours in the maternity ward… I do not recall the rest.

By the way, my son's birth ended up in an unplanned cesarean surgery…but I will spare you the details. To be honest, the team at the "Ichilov - Liss" birth center in Tel-Aviv was amazing and I do not regard my son's birth as a traumatic experience at all, despite its unplanned conclusion.

So, you give birth and you hope it is finally over with the bad stories, right? Kids are a wonderful thing, its all good from now on, WORNG! The worse thing now is that it is not strangers who are torturing you, but your family and friends. Anyone of your acquaintance who has ever had a child just feels bound to tell you something bad about babies.

Here are a few choice quotes (and my relevant insights):

"Sleep when he sleeps, it’s the only chance you will get!" (I do recommend a daily resting period in one of the times of day your baby sleeps, but not always when the baby sleeps, after all new born's sleep a lot!)

"Ahh, in a few months it will be gas! " (Little babies at 2-4 months of age have lots of stomach aches due to gas. It looks like they are crying for no apparent reason and there is nothing you can do. My tip, be calm and patient – your baby can tell when you are stressed out and it will only get worse).

"Well, you get them into a routine and then they start growing teeth!" (No comments, we are not there yet, to be continued…)

" Did you already get the "green bomb" diaper? (At about two days babies eject the last of the Makonium (I hope I spelled that correctly) – containing what they swallowed in the womb - and hence fill their diaper with lots! And I mean lots! Of green SH**T).

"What are the three most important words of the new parent? – It's your turn!" (I quote Paul Raiser. By the way this also works in Hebrew and German: Achsav Hator Shelcha/Shelach, Du Bist Dran).

"The best thing about being a grandma (cousin, aunt, friend…) is that when you have had enough you can give the child back!" (Yep! And mommy can dump him on daddy and vise versa…).

You might think that I am all about complaining! Well, here is my defense:

The truth is, the first week, I wanted to throw myself out of a window for doing this to myself (I can't admit that I wanted to throw my son out of the window, now can I – what a horrible mom!). Everything became difficult and complicated! Just going to the supermarket on a rainy day meant I needed my sister to pop by for an hour – as it was winter and taking Jonathan with me when just a few days old was out of the question. For every little thing you need to ask for someone's assistance (this is especially so after cesarean surgery) and that is embarrassing enough for an independent person like me.

The overall dependence of my baby on me was an overwhelming experience. To put it bluntly – I was in shock! And to add to my grievance, every old woman in the street saw fit to remark on my mothering skills. I was obviously not covering my baby enough in this cold draft, or covering him to much! He needs a hat! Or why does he have to wear a hat at home? An so on. I was feeling bad enough about the fact that I was not ecstatic about my son and they were just putting me down some more!

Turns out that this reaction is normal, and in fact I need not feel guilt that I wanted to throw my son out of the window. Most mothers do not fall in love with their offspring the moment they are born. NO, they are just exhausted and instead of catching on their beauty sleep they need to take care of a screaming infant! The bond between mother and child takes time to build (thank God for maternity leave and the time you have to build that bond)and this is scientific fact! We must all learn to understand our babies, and they have limited means of communication. But once we do start to understand them and to develop a routine as parents then it is not so horrible anymore!

The truly important information parents can collect is from their children. Isn't it amazing how with what seems just a few facial expressions and random hand waving babies tell us what they want? Did you notice that they actually talk with their whole body? My son, Jonathan makes cute sucking motions and tries to eat off his left hand, this way I know he is hungry even before he starts calling for food. I think he has different crying for food and other pains, but I am still not quite sure. He sometimes just cries because he is lonely in his crib and wants company and body contact! He really does explicitly ask me for anything he wants and shows his appreciation when I comply in the cutest relief gesture you will ever see. (He practically rolls his eyes with gratitude and enjoyment…).

At two months, I think my son is adorable; that no other baby is as cute or a well behaved as mine and I am nuts about him. Being a mom is still a nerve wrecking experience at times and yet I cannot regret this. I certainly to not want to throw him out of the window anymore, even when he is crying (sorry, screaming his lungs out in the middle of the night because of a tummy ache) – speaking of which, he is calling for me now, gotta dash…